Jokes for young generation

[bindujain]

Ravan ki 20 aankhein thi magar nazar sirf ek aurat pe; jab ki aapki 2 aankhein aur nazar har aurat pe…!

[bindujain]

Sharab Ek Bimari hai jo pure samaj ko khatam kar deti hai.
To aao milkar is bimari ko khatam karen. Ek bottle tum khatam karo ek bottle hum khatam karen.

[bindujain]

Pati -: Jee karta hai tumhri zulfon mein kho jau, jheel se aankhon mein bas jaaou, tumhari baho mein jhul jau…

Patni -: “Raj Kumar” hi rahoge, Ya, Kabhi “Emraan Hashmi” bhi Banoge?

[bindujain]

Peter -: Boss! Aaap ko kaun si 3 cheeze sabse jahyahda pasand hai?

Ajeet -: Ek Mona,
Doosra Sona,
aur Tisra,
Mona ke saath Sona.

[bindujain]

Teacher : passion ye batao tense kitne tarah ke hote hai?

passion: Teen maidam.

Teacher : Teeno ke ek-ek example batao.

passion : Madam, meine kal aapki beti ko dekha tha. Aaj mein ussey pyar karta hu aur kal mein ussey bhaga kar le jaunga.

[bindujain]

Pati aur patni ghumne gaye. Raaste me ek gadhe ko ghaas khatey dekh patni ne pati se kaha – Oo G tumhara rishtedaar ghaas
kha raha hai, namaste karo.

Pati – Namaste Sasur Ji

[bindujain]

Autowala to Vinay: Sahab, 100 rupaye ho gaye.

Vinayne 50 rupaye autowale ko de diye.

Autowala : Sahab ye to gundagardi hai, meter ki hisab se 100 rupaye hue hai.

Vinay : Tu bhi to baithkar aaya hai, tera kiraya bhi kya mujhe dena parega!!!

[bindujain]

Ek din rishii ne apni premika ko himmat jutakar keh dala – I love you.

Premika(Gusse se) : Jara pyar se nahi keh sakte?

rishii: I love you Didi!!!!

[bindujain]

Amit: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.

Cheeku: Hai.

Amit: Nahin hai.

cheeku: Hai.

Amit: Nahin hai and jumps into the well.

cheeku: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?

[bindujain]

A Flirt Boy: Tu dharti pe chahe jaha b rahegi tujhe teri khusbu se Pehchan Lunga....

Girl: Maa KASAM mujhe pehle se hi shak tha k tu sala "KUTTA" hai.

[bindujain]

Thoughts in this marriage season

Arrange Marriage Ke Kharche

Rs. 3,00,000 Shadi par
Rs. 3,00,000 Jewellry per & Kapadee
and
Rs. 50,000 Shadi ke Rasmo per
means Shadi ke 3 Dino ka Kharcha, Rs.6,50,000
Yani Shadi ke

1 din ka kharcha Rs. 216666.66
1 Ghante ka Rs.9027.78
or
1 Minute Ka Rs.150.46

Ufff......... Tauba Tauba........


Now Love Marriage Ke Kharche…

Sirf 100 Rs. Ka Stamp
20 Rs. Ki Notery
50 Rs. Ki Varmaala
10 Rs. Ke Photo
Total Rs. 180

to
Paisa Aap ka
Pasand Aap ki
Faisla Aap ka

”Jago Grahak Jago”

Aur

Apne Lover ke Sath Bhago…

[bindujain]

A grl came late to the class.
Sir:y r u late?
Grl:sir,ek ladka mujey follow kar raha tha.
Sir:tou late kyu huva?
...Grl:sir ladka bohut slow chal raha tha.

[bindujain]

Sirf Ek aaadmi hi ek Aadmi ko samajh sakta hai..!!!!
Man at a store:
Ek watch batao miya..!!!!
Salesman:Yeh dekhiye..!!
aapki wife k lie le rahe ho ya koi aur acchi wali batau!!
45 minutes ago · LikeUnlike · Comment

[bindujain]

A Doctor's Wife Nvr Allowed Him 2 Come Near Her!
She Used A Very Unique Technique,
Guess Wat?
.
.
......?
.
.
By Eating Apple,
An Apple A day
Keeps The Doctor Away:

[bindujain]

3 poultry farms ki inspection ho rhi thi.
Inspector: Tum murgiyo ko kya khilate ho?

1st:-"Bajra"
Inspector: Wrong food, arrest him.
......
2nd:-"Chawal"
inspector:-Wrong food, arrest him.

3rd darr gya or kehne laga:
"hum to ji murgiyo ko 5-5 Rs de dete hai k jo tumhari marji ho ja kar khalo...!

[bindujain]

Constable:Si, Kal Rat ko Kediyon ne jail me ramayan ka natak kia thae

Jailer: to isme pareshaan hone ki kya baat hai?

Constable: Sir, Hanumaan bana kaidi sanjivni lekar abhi tak wapas nahi lauta hai..

[bindujain]

Pota - Daadi aapne kon-kon se desh ghume hai...

Dadi - Beta Pakistan Hindustan aur Afganistan...

Pota - ab aap kaha ghumne jaogi??
...
Piche se Dada bola - Kabristaan

[bindujain]

Santa: Tere result da ki banya?

Pappu: Miss kendi aey es class wich ik saal hor laggay ga?
......
Santa: Saal pavain 2,3 lag jawan par fail na hovin mera puttar.

[bindujain]

Teacher: "What's half of 8?"

Rajinikanth: "4"

Santa: depend karta hai agar horizontally half karo to "0" and vertically karo to "3", 4 is the first time in history.
...
Rajinikannth lost and Sadda Santa rocks..

[bindujain]

Santa: Operation Me mujhe Kuch Ho Gya To Doctor Se Shadi Kar Lena.

Wife: Aisa Kyu Keh Rahe Ho?

...Santa:Kyun Ki Badla Lene Ka Yahi Tarika hai

[bindujain]

once Rajni, Santa banta n CID were going through forest

suddenly a strong storm came

santa said to banta,"ab hum bach nai paenge"
......
ACP said to Daya,"pata lagao ye tufaan kis taraf se aaya h"

n rajni said

"SORRY FOR SNEEZING
EXCUSE ME"

[bindujain]

Hindi teacher ne Santa & Banta ko ped par ulte latakne ki saza di.

Thodi der latakne ke baad Santa neeche gir gaya.

Hindi Teacher: Thak gaye kya ?
...
Funny Santa: Nahi pakk gaya !

[bindujain]

Unbeatable Luv of Rajnikanth 4 his GF-

Gf: Mera koi picha karte rehta he.

...Rajni: ok i'l C it..
...
Nxt day..

Gf:Hey wer is My Shadow? B-) :-)

[bindujain]

1 day Rajnikanth got angry on his sweeper boy..

He kicked him so hard that he went flyin in d sky wit his broom..

Today that boy is famous as “HARRY POTTER”

[bindujain]

Do you know why a santa kept the door open while taking a bath?

Because he was scared that someone might see through the “KEY HOLE”.

[bindujain]

Professor:Chemical symbol of Barium?
Santa: BA

Professor:For sodium?
Santa: NA
...
Professor:What will we get if 1 atom of BA& 2 atoms of NA combined?
Santa: BANANA

[bindujain]

1st friend (Dukhi hote huye dusare friend se bola): Yar meri billi mar gai.
2nd friend: kaise mari?
1st friend : Yar maine use nahala diya tha.
2nd friend: Nahalane se bhi kahi billi marti hai?
1st friend: Nahi yar maine nahalane ke bad use ni****a bhi tha.

[bindujain]

Rajinikanth shayari....irshaaaad...
Barish hui aur bheeg gaye hum wah wah
Barish hui aur bheeg gaye hum wah wah

Are aage kya hua?
...
Hona kya thaRajnikant ne phoonk mari aur sukh gaye hum...:-P

[bindujain]

Papa-Ye kya tumhare maths me 1marks aaya hai

Son-jab irado me ho dugni chamak to hoslo me q nhi
...:

Papa- wat?

sirf 2 zero ka fark hai papa aa jayenge.................

[bindujain]

Height of Good Luck ...!
Teacher: Hey! Stand up.
Tell me two pronouns.
.
.
.
.
.
Student: Who? Me?

Teacher: Very Good, Sit down

[bindujain]

What's Checkmate?

Man tells his Wife : "I Saw A Lady Who Looked Exactly Like You."

Wife asks : "Was She Hot?"

He cant say NO.
He cant say YES.

That's CHECKMATE !

[bindujain]

Banta: Why are you sad today?
Santa: The employees of my company are accusing me of hiring my secretary for her looks. It's really crazy because during the interview, I don't remember staring at her face even once.

[bindujain]

Teacher says to Jhonny,
In Algebra
A=B
and
B=C.
It means A=C.

Nw give relevant example.
Jhonny:
Sir, I love U and U love ur daughter,
It means that I love your daughter.

[bindujain]

"High Class Insult"
Girl to boy: Apne baal to dekho jaise
Ghass Ugi Ho.
Boy to Girl: Isliye itni der se soch raha
hu ke mere pass Bhes Q khadi he !!

[bindujain]

Who is D laziest
person in D world?
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:

:
:
ans: Who invented D SNOOZE option in alarm...

[bindujain]

Santa: Let's not blame Sachin Tendulkar for not retiring.
Banta: Why?
Santa: You see that since he became an MP, he shouldn't be pressed for retirement as politicians simply don't retire.

[bindujain]

Santa: Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
Banta: I would sure love to know more about it.
Santa: He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

[bindujain]

Girls Of 1995*

"Agar tum mil jao ZAMANA Chor
denge Hum"

Girls Of 2012*

"Agar tum mil jao PURANA chor
denge Hum" :p

[bindujain]

Height of misunderstanding:

Mr. Kapoor comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "I have great news... I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby!

The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody."

The next day, Mrs. Kapoor receives a telephone call from Reliance Energy because the electricity bill has not been paid.

" Am I speaking to Mrs. Kapoor? "

"Yes... speaking"

Reliance guy, "You're a month overdue, you know!"

"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.

"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the Reliance guy.

"What are you saying? It's in your files... HOW ???"

" Yes ..... We have a system of finding out who's overdue "

" GOD !!!... This is too much..."

"Madam, I am sorry... I am just following orders... I have to inform that you are overdue.."

"I know that ... let me talk to my husband about this tonight. He will speak to your company tomorrow.. "

That night, she tells her husband about the incident, and he, mad as a bull,rushes to Reliance office the next day morning.

"What's going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts..

"Just calm down," says the lady at the reception at Reliance, "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us."

"PAY you? And if I refuse?"

"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off.."

"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.

"Well... I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle.

[bindujain]

4 friends meet 30 years after
school.

One goes to the toilet, while
the other 3 start to talk about
how successful their sons
became.

No 1 says his son studied
economics, became a banker
and is so rich he gave his best
friend a ferrari.

No 2 said his son became a
pilot, started his own airline,
became so rich he gave his
best friend a jet.

No 3 said his son became an
engineer, started his own
development company,
became so rich he build his
best friend a castle.

No 4 came back from toilet
and asks what the buzz is
about. They told him they
were talking about how
successful their sons became
and ask him about his son.

He said his son is gay and is a
stripper at a gay bar. Other 3
said he must be very
disappointed with his son for
not becoming successful.

O no said the father, he is
doing good. Last week was
his birthday and he got a
ferrari, a jet and a castle from
3 of his boyfriends. !!

[bindujain]

AMERICAN LIFESTYLE:
.
.
.
.
.
DAUGHTER: "Sorry Dad,I got married yestrday...Forgot to invite U.

DAD:" U nauty.... It's Ok..But Don't forget next Time =)) =)) :p

[bindujain]

It is just a matter of time wen d Gujaratis will open up deir own version of KFC....
.
.
.
.
"K"haakra
"F"aafda
"C"hevdo

[bindujain]

Love Story:

1 ladka 1 ladki ko bhut pyar krta tha, lekin dar ki vajah se kch keh nai paya..
1 din usne decide kiya ki wo us ladki ko msg karke i luv u bolega,

Usne raat me apne 'I LUV U' type kr k ladki k no par send kiya aur so gya.
Kch der bad uske mob Par msg ring tone baji pr usne decide kiya ki wo msg agli subah naha kr mandir jane k bad padhega aur phr se so gya .
Rat bhar wo us ladki ka sapna dekhta rha..
Jab subah mandir se lauta aur wo msg padha to usme likha tha

.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
A/C balance is insufficient.
Main bal is Rs. 0.08.
Msg can not be delievered.=)) =)) =))

[bindujain]

An English professor wrote the words:

“A woman without her man is nothing”

on the blackboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly...

All of the males in the class wrote:

“A woman, without her man, is nothing.”

All the females in the class wrote:

“A woman: without her, man is nothing.”

Punctuation is powerful!!

[bindujain]

SMART KID:

Papa: Whom do u like more Mummy or Papa?
Kid: both!
Papa: Tell me only one.
Kid: both!
Papa: if i go America & ur mother go to Paris. Where u go?
Kid: Paris
Papa: This mean u like ur mother?
Kid: No. Paris is beautiful then America!
Papa: If i go Paris & ur mother go America so where u go?
Kid: America
Papa: Why?
Kid: bcuz i havent been there before . .

[bindujain]

SOLID INSULT:-

Husband says to wife
How many people have you slept
with? Tell me honestly

Wife replies
Honestly I've only ever slept with
you. The rest managed to keep me
awake O.o

[bindujain]

A Dog Asked A Cat: Why Do You Hide When You Are Having S*x?
Cat Replied: Because We Don’t Want Humans To Copy Our Style, They’ve Already Copied Yours

[bindujain]

Before I die, I want to see Manmohan Singh speaking to Salman Khan's wife on Sachin Tendulkar's retirement party.

[bindujain]

Ek shayar garibi se tang aakar
daku ban gaya..

daketi karne bank gaya..
or kaha.........
..
... arz kiya hai..
"taqdeer me jo hai wahi milega

hands up..
koi apni jagah se nahi hilega..."
.

phir cashear se kaha..
kuch khawab meri aankho se nikal do
jo kuch bhi hai jaldi se is beg me dal do.
.
.
bahut koshish karta hu teri yaad bhulane ki
koi koshish nahi karega police ko bulane ki
...

bhula dena mujko kya jata he tera
me goli mar dunga usko jo picha karega mera..

[bindujain]

Chintan meets Ramesh and notices he's wearing an earring.

Chintan: Since when did you start wearing earrings?

Ramesh: Ever since my wife found them in my car!

[bindujain]

Boy: Maine new iPhone liya hai<=-P

Girl: Waaaoooowww.... kaunsi company ka ?

Boy: Kuch nahi.. Tu ghar jaa ! >:/

[bindujain]

Garib Ramu JOCKY Ki Chaddi Laya,
poore Gaon Me Sabhi Ko Dhoti Upar Karke Dikhane Laga,
Ghar Aya Almari Kholi aur Behosh Ho Gya.
Q?

Q k Dekha Chaddi To Almari Me Thi.

[vinay kumar]

AMERICAN LIFESTYLE:
.
.
.
.
.
DAUGHTER: "Sorry Dad,I got married yestrday...Forgot to invite U.

DAD:" U nauty.... It's Ok..But Don't forget next Time =)) =)) :p

[vinay kumar]

9 Interesting confusions--

- Can u cry under water?
- Do fish ever gt thirsty?
-Y dnt birds fall off trees wen dey sleep?
-Y is it called building wen its already built?
-Whn they say dogs food is new n improved in taste, who tastes it?
-If money dsnt grow on trees thn y banks hv branches?
-Y does a round pizza come in a square box?
-Y dsnt glue stick 2 its bottle?
-'I Love U' this sentence isnt a question den y does it needs an answer?

[bindujain]

बहुत बढ़िया विनय जी, कीप इट अप।

[vinay kumar]

Classical insult
.
.
GIRL:-meri 1-1 saans pe 1-1 ladka marta he.
.
.
.
.
.
.
BOY:- to tum koi acha sa toothpaste istimaal kyo nahi karti.. :p

Boy rocked Girl shocked

[bindujain]

Software engineer and his wife


Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.
Wife - would you like to have some snacks?

Husband - hard disk full.
Wife - have you brought the saree.

Husband - Bad command or file name.
Wife - but I told you about it in morning

Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.
Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.

Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.
Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.

Husband - sharing violation, access denied.
Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.

Husband - data type mismatch.
Wife - you are useless.

Husband - by default.
Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?

Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.
Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?

Husband - the only user with write permission.
Wife - what is my value in your life?

Husband - unknown virus detected.
Wife - do you love me or your computer?

Husband - Too many parameters.
Wife - I will go to my dad's house.

Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.
Wife - I will leave you forever.

Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.
Wife - it is worthless talking to you.

Husband - shut down the computer.
Wife - I am going

Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer

[bindujain]

Santa: Maa, main KBC se bol raha hu. Mere Pita ji ka naam kya hai?

Maa: Sawal kitne ka hai?

Santa : 5000 rs ka.

Maa: Quit kar de beta, 5000 rs ke liye kyon ghar mein kalesh karwayega.

[bindujain]

Ek Ladki Bus Mein Apne Boyfriend Ki Godh Mein Beithi Thi.
Ladki Ne Conductor Se Kaha: “Bus Dheere Chalao Jhatke Bahut Lagte Hai”
Conductor: “Oye Madam, Godi Mein Se Uth Ke Dekh Bus To Kab Se Khadi Hai“

[bindujain]

Teacher: sgp, tum batao..... mahabharat main Pandu ke 5 putr (sons) the aur Dhritrashtra ke 100 putr the. Aisa kyon?

sgp: Sir jee, jin ki aankhen hoti hain unhe aur bhi bahut sare kaam hote hain.

[vinay kumar]

THERE Is nothing greater than "PARENTS" in this world.

.

.

so

.

.

GO GET MARRIED FAST AND BECOME PARENTS

Think different!

Be different!

Do different :-):-)

[vinay kumar]

Who says im single??

I ve married freedom nd divorsed problems .....currently in a relationship with fun , sleep nd food )

[vinay kumar]

Pathan got job in 'Idea' Customer Care Call Centre.

Customer: My Idea SIM is blocked, what to do?

Pathan: Don't get tense, remove 'Idea' SIM and use 'Airtel' SIM.

Thank you for calling 'Aircell'.

[vinay kumar]

Kurji : mera pyar swikar hai tume?

Ladki : hat sale.

Kurji : mera pyar swikar hai tume?

Ldki : apna pyar maa behan ko do.

Kurji : meri car swikar hai tume?

Ldki : I luv u.

Kurji : hat sali..ye car me apni maa behn ko dunga.

[vinay kumar]

5 MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his

wife is finishing up her shower, when the

doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself

in a towel and runs downstairs. When she

opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-

door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give

you $800 to drop that towel."

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops

her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.

After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and

leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and

goes back upstairs. When she gets to the

bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she

replies.

"Great!" the husband says, "did he say

anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to

credit and risk with your shareholders in time,

you may be in a position to prevent avoidable

exposure.

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and

crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a

leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After

controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand

up her leg.

The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest removed his hand. But, changing

gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, "Father, remember

Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry

sister but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily

and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed

to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and

seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job,

opportunities for advancement will pass right

by you.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the

manager are walking to lunch when they find

an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie

comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of

you just one wish."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I

want to be in the Bahamas, driving a

speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff!

She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want

to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my

personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina

Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's

gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the

manager. The manager says, "I want those two

back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4:

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing

nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and

asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do

nothing?"

The eagle answered: "Sure , why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the

eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox

appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be

sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would

love to be able to get to the top of that tree,"

sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the

energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my

droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed

with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and

found it actually gave him enough strength to

reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next

day, after eating some more dung, he reached

the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was

proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was

promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him

out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

Bull shit might get you to the top, but it won't

keep you there.

Lesson 6:

A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It

was so cold the bird froze and fell to the

ground into a large field. While he was lying

there, a cow came by and shit on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow

dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay

there all warm and happy, and soon began to

sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came

to investigate. Following the sound, the cat

discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung,

and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your

enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is

your friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to

keep your mouth shut!

[vinay kumar]

A beggar won lotry & he built a temple.

Another begr askd "y did u bld tmpl?"

Den he rpld

"I ll beg alone in frnt of my own tmpl"

'-professionalism'

[vinay kumar]

1 Hand on Pen,

Other Hand on Phone..

1 Ear on Lecture,

Other Ear on Friends Talk..

1 Eye on Board,

Other Eye on Figure..

So college life will not easy...

[vinay kumar]

Crazy world: If u say there r 2 million stars in universe,ppl beliv u.

Bt if u tel them d paint on d wal is stil wet,they always touch it 2 make sure:)

[vinay kumar]

Whn u read a gud msg u nvr think of d persn who sends it,

Bt u think abt d person whom u want 2 fwd it..Strange but true,

"yaad koi kare aur yaad koi aaye"

[vinay kumar]

Daily Prayer: O GOD, give us strength & capacity to pay

Income Tax, VAT, CST, Service Tax, Excise Duty, Octroi, TDS, ESI, FBT, Prop.

Tax, Stamp Duty, CGT, Water Tax, Prof. Tax, Road Tax, Edu Cess, Congestion Levy & many more.

Besides don't forget Gunda Hafta, Bribes, Donations, Chanda, Beggers etc...

If we have some time & money left after that, we will do some Business. Cheers to Booming Indian Economy!

[vinay kumar]

How to keep a woman happy . . . .

It's really not difficult to make a woman happy.

A man only needs to be:

1. a friend

2. a companion

3. a lover

4. a brother

5. a father

6. a man

7. a chef

8. an electrician

9. a carpenter

10. a plumber

11. a mechanic

12. a decorator

13. a stylist

14. a sexologist

15. a gynecologist

16. a psychologist

17. a bug exterminator

18. a psychiatrist

19. a healer

20. a good listener

21. an organizer

22. a good father

23. Very clean

24. Sympathetic

25. Athletic

26. Warm

27. Attentive

28. Gallant

29. Intelligent

30. Funny

31. Creative

32. Tender

33. Strong

34. Understanding

35. Tolerant

36. Prudent

37. Ambitious

38. Capable

39. Courageous

40. Determined

41. True

42. Dependable

43. Passionate

44. Compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. Give her compliments frequently

46. Love shopping

47. Be honest

48. Be very rich

49. Never stress her

50. Never look at other women!

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself

52. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself

53. Give her lots of space

VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:

* birthdays

* anniversaries

* her favorite color

* her favorite flower

* her favorite gem

* her favorite fragrance

* her favorite memories

* her favorite holidays

* her favorite friends

* her favorite vacation destinations

* her favorite beverage

* her favorite food

* her favorite restaurant

* any arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

Just leave him alone..... And he'll be just fine

[vinay kumar]

New age poem

Chatting Chatting.?

Yes Papaaa.

With new girlfriends.?

No Papaaa.

Telling lies.?

No Papaaa.

Open ur facebook..

Ha ha ha..

gudmrng ve a grt day.

[vinay kumar]

BORN in 90 s

The last SANE generation !!!

We are the last generation that learnt to play on the street

We are the first who played video games

We are the first to see cartoons in color and went to amusement parks :')

We were the last to record songs of radio on cassettes

We are the pioneers of walkmans and chatrooms

We are the 1st teenagers to eat Pizza's and burgers

We are the pioneers who initiated the "SMS LANGUAGE"

So proud to be 90 s child..!!

[vinay kumar]

ANNA HAZARE Ko dekh kr 4Yrs ka Bachha bola!

Koi inhe rok lo!

Nahi to meri HISTORY me 1chapter aur Add ho jyega

BAWAL Ye Kar K Jayenge SAWAL Humse Puche Jayenge.

[vinay kumar]

Red (Dark) Unconscious beauty

Red (Single) "I Love You"

Deep Burgundy Unconscious Beauty

White Purity, Innocence, Silence, Secrecy,Reverence, Humility, Youthfulness,"I am worthy of you", Heavenly

White (Bridal) Happy love

Pink Appreciation, "Thank you", Grace, Perfect Happiness, Admiration, Gentleness, "Please Believe Me"

Dark Pink Appreciation, Gratitude, "Thank You"

Light Pink Admiration, Sympathy, Gentleness, Grace, Gladness, Joy, Sweetness

Yellow Joy, Gladness, Friendship, Delight, Promise of a new beginning, Welcome Back, Remember Me, Jealousy, "I care"

Yellow with Red Tip - Friendship, Falling in Love

Orange - Desire,Enthusiasm

Red and White - Given together, these signify unity

Red and Yellow - Jovial and Happy Feelings

Peach - Appreciation, Closing the deal, Let's get together, Sincerity, Gratitude

Pale Peach - Modesty

Coral - Desire

Lavender - Love at first sight, Enchantment

Orange - Enthusiasm, Desire, Fascination

Black * - Death, Farewell

Blue - The unattainable, the impossible

[vinay kumar]

THIS IS SO ACCURATE

(ur shoes can tell you your age) Try

This & See:

1. Take your shoe size.

2. Multiply it by 5.

3. Add 50.

4. Multiply by 20...

5. Add 1012.

6. Subtract the year you were born...

The first digit is your shoe size, while

the last 2 digits are your age.

TRY IT.:)

[vinay kumar]

The very Best, Amazin n Unanswerable feeling is when..

.

.

.

.

.

.

Your own crush asks u abt ur crush n says..

"Batana, I won't tell it 2 any1..":):-)

[vinay kumar]

Who said 'nothing is impossible'????

I did nothing today, and believe me, Its possible.

[vinay kumar]

5 OF BEST SMS's;

Shakespeare said, "A Boy and a Girl can never be Friends forever."

Lincoln said, "Friendship is the starting step for what we call Love."

Wordsworth said, "Proposing a Boy or a Girl for Friendship is nothing but indirectly saying, I LOVE U."

Jackie Chan said, "Love is an everlasting Friendship."

Michael Jackson said, "If one can become ur Best Friend, then He or She can easily become ur Life Partner..:-)

gudnit swt nini.....:-):-):-)

[vinay kumar]

Physics shayari:-

Focus mein aayi woh pehli bar,

Ishq ka force laga dil pe yaar,

Mirror image hi sahi,

1 baar toh dikh jaye,

Pyar current sa dil mein behne laga,

Main uske magnetic field mein rehne laga.

Dua hai meri usse kabhi collision ho jaye,

Aisa torque lage usse ki woh unstable equilibrium ho jaye.

Pyar ka shock usse bhi lag jaye,

High kinetic energy se woh mere galey lag jaye,

Warna uranium nucleus sa toot jaunga.

Free falling body sa building se kud jaunga

[vinay kumar]

Socho Agr SMS Recieve Krne K

Paise Lgte To Kya Hota..?

Guess..?

Guess..?

Aj Tm Sb Meri Waja Se

Road Pr Aa Jate

[vinay kumar]

Q. Define LOVE n explain in detail.

(10 mrks)

Ans. Definition:

A serious disorder of heart due to relatnshp btwn men & women dat cn cause death of 1 or both dpndng on d resistance associated.

TYPES:

1 sided & 2 sided

AGE:

Usually occurs in teenages but nowdays can be found in any age!

SYMPTOMS:

Tension

Daydreaming

Insomnia

Phone Addiction

DIAGNOSIS BY:

Diary

Photos

Mobile

TREATMENT:

ANTI-LOVE therapy by Father/Mother's footwear..:-D

[vinay kumar]

Dhoka mila jab pyar main...

Jindagi main udasi chha gaye...

Socha tha duniya chhod denge lakin...

Kambakhat Mohalle main dusri aa gaye...!!!

[vinay kumar]

Tv Ads Have Taught Me :

.

.

You Don't Need Singing Skills To Be An Indian Idol,

You Just Need Fair & Lovely..!!

.

That No One Can Eat Cadbury Dairymilk Chocolate Without Getting It All Across Their Face..!!

.

To Close Bathroom Door While Brushing Teeth, Else A Tv Reporter Might Step In & Ask "Kya Aapke Toothpaste Mein Namak Hai?"

.

Don't Buy Reliance..!! Even Anushka Sharma Couldn't Convince Ranvijay

To Buy It..!!

.

That Both Kareena Kapoor & Saif Ali Khan Have Serious Dandruff Problem..!!

.

That If You Don't Use Harpic, People Will Barge Into Your House To Clean Your Toilet..!!

.

That Only Thing Super Hot Girls Care About Is Your 140 Rupees Deodorant Bathed Body !

Money Minded Women Will Fall For Any Guy Who Applies A Deo Or Uses A Fairness Cream. No Other Quality Matters..!!

.

That Salman With A Relaxo Chappal Can Achieve Many Great Things, Unlike The Salman Without The Chappals..!!

.

That Your Mom Will Be Proud Of You If You Take A Bath In A

Puddle Of Mud! #Daag Ache Hain..!!

[vinay kumar]

GALs FB status-"Travlled in Bus aftr long tym"

Comments-

1 aww..so sweet.

2 mayb nxt tym v go 2gdr sweetie..

3. wow!e1 i wantd2 xprnce it..

4. u went wdot me?:(..

5.wonderful dear...

6.very nice..

..

BOYs FB status-"Travlled in Bus aftr lng tym"

Comments-

1. han toh saale hum kya kare?

2. bas yehi teri aukat hai!

3. saale ab auto mein b jayega toh status update karega kya?

4. baap ko bol kam se kam cycl toh lekar de

5. usi ka cndctor ban ja

[vinay kumar]

Spiritual thought for d day:-

Faithful boyfrnds will go straight to heaven..

&

Unfaithful 1s r already enjoyin

[vinay kumar]

A sweet lines wrote in hospital board:
"if you still want to see beautiful girls & boys even after ur death
Then
Donate Your EYES !"

[vinay kumar]

FABULOUS LINES:
You may ATTRACT people by the Quality u display,

but you RETAIN people only by the Quality u possess..
:-)

[vinay kumar]

What is Willpower??..
.
.
.
Its, Whn u see 10 notifications,
20 msgs and
30 frnd requests..
And you still....
.
Click.
.
"LOGOUT"

[vinay kumar]

Obama:How poor is India.!!

Anna: Beta tumhara pura desh jitna oil khata hai na utna to shanivar ko hum HANUMAN ko chada dete hai...
Baat karta hai!!!
=TY

[vinay kumar]

If sumone steps on ur foot n asks "did i hurt u???"
step on their foot harder
n ask....
"can u feel my answer???"
Cuz sumtimes its gud to b Stupid....;-)

[vinay kumar]

Grls language:
stupid(ur smrt)
idiot(ur cute)
shut up(i luv u)
i'l kil u(il die 4u)
gd n8(al slept u cn cal me nw)
fwd 2grls 2 laugh & fwd2 boys 2undrstnd:)

[vinay kumar]

Face Test:
Q # 1:- What do you find on my Face:-
a) Silence?
b) Innocence?
c) Proud?
d) Softness?
Q # 2:- Which 1 is the Most Attractive:-?
a) Eyes?
b) Smile?
c) Lips?
d) Hair?
Q # 3:- What is the 1st Impression that you got from My Face:-
a) Cute?
b) Smart?
c) Attitude?
d) Intelligent?
Reply Must.. ^_^

[vinay kumar]

Mr. BEAN puts pencil into a horlicks bottle!
Why?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
To make the pencil taller, stronger & sharper.
He is so intelligent!
Just like u....:D

[vinay kumar]

Boys are always Happy Creatures...WHY?

1-Their last name stays with them forever,

2-Phone conversatns last just for 30 secs flat,

3-A five day vacation requires only one jeans,

4-If someone forgets to invite them, he can still be their friend,

5-The same hairstyle lasts for years or even decades,

6-They can do shopping for 25 relatives in 25 minutes,

7-They dont freak out when they go to a party n see another man wearing the same shirt, instead they become buddies.

Pass this to women who can digest it..and

To Men who'll enjoy reading it

[vinay kumar]

Few centuries ago, a Law teacher came across a student who was willing to learn but was unable to pay the fee.
The student struck a deal saying ' I would pay your fee the day i win my first case in the court'.
Teacher agreed and proceeded with the law course.
When the course was finished and teacher started pestering the student to pay up the fee, student reminded the deal and pushed days.
Fed up with this, the teacher decided to sue the student in the court of law and both of them decided to argue for themselves.
The teacher put forward his argument saying : " If i win this case, as per the court of law, student has to pay me.
And if i lose the case, student will still pay me because he would have won his first case.
So either way i will have to get the money ".
Equally brilliant student argued back saying : "If i win the case, as per the court of law,i don't have to pay anything to the teacher. And if i lose the case, i don't have to pay him because i haven't won my first case yet. So either way, i am not going to pay the teacher anything"

[vinay kumar]

A haryanvi jaat recently opened up a new chinese restaurant right next to "yo china" in gurgaon...

And named it "yo bhi china"

[vinay kumar]

Attitude Rockz:

Maa Bete Se: Uth Jaa Kambakht
Dekh Suraj Kab Ka Nikal Aaya Hai
Beta-hey relax..wo Sota Bhi To Mujhse Pehle Hai..!
THINK DIFFERNT:
GM

[vinay kumar]

Today a 13 year old, 8th standard kid has a Blackberry, an iP0d. a Laptop and a Facebook account!

Wen i was 13, i felt C00L with my new geometry box!

[vinay kumar]

Taj Mahal ko dekh ke bola shahjahn ka pota..
.
.
Taj Mahal ko dekh ke bola shahjahn ka pota..
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ajj humara bhi bank balance hota agar buddha ishq mai pagal na hota......... XD

[vinay kumar]

Great Fact:
She needs a man with a good future..

He needs a woman with a good past.. ..

gud nyt.

[vinay kumar]

Great Fact:
She needs a man with a good future..

He needs a woman with a good past.. ..

gud nyt.

[vinay kumar]

A Painter draws a Painting
"Door of Heart"
without handle,
Man: y der is no handle?
Painter:Itz bcoz Door of Heart opens frm Inside not outside.!
Gud mrng .........

[bindujain]

विनय जी, सूत्र आगे बढाने के लिए धन्यवाद :thumbup:

[vinay kumar]

DEFINE a W0MAN....?
.
.
Someone who can talk 4 hours
while standing at the door ...
but
she won't sit ...
Because shes getting late.

[vinay kumar]

Zindagi... Cigarette ki tarah hoti hai, Enjoy karo... Warna... Sulag to rahi hi hai, khatam to waise bhi ho hi jayegi. Gud Day!

[vinay kumar]

We think there is enough time to live! But we never know which moment will be our last..
So Love..Care..Share.& Celebrate every moment...:(;(

[vinay kumar]

BREAKING: International Olympic Committee suspends India
Shame on all Indians & those political grand fathers who govern the sports federations

[bindujain]

SARDARJI SENT SMS TO HIS BOSS




"Me sick, no work"

Boss SMS back:
"When I am sick I kiss my wife try it"

2 hours later sardar sms 2 boss:

"Me ok, ur wife very sweet"
______________________________

[bindujain]

PERFECT EXAMPLE FOR GOOD & BAD LUCK



What is the perfect example
of both Good & Bad Luck?

The naughty wind blows the girl's skirt high (Good luck)


but at the same time


Dust falls into the boy's eyes (Bad luck)

[bindujain]

CAN KIDS OF OUR AGE HAVE KIDS?


Boy and girl of class 2 asked teacher:
"can kids of our age have kids?"

Teacher replied " NO Never!!"

Boy said to girl :
"see i told you not to worry!!!!".


______________________________

[bindujain]

WHAT'S AN AVERAGE 6 INCH LONG?


What's an average 6 inch long
Inside a guy's pants and girls love to blow it up?
?
?
?
?
A:1000- rupee currency note.!
Always think positive


______________________________

[bindujain]

NURSE, SARDAR & BLOOD TEST


NURSE kept SARDAR'S FINGER in HER MOUTH
after BLOOD TEST.

THEN SARDAR STARTED DANCING .

NURSE:y r u DANCING.

SARDAR:next is URINE TEST

______________________________

[bindujain]

IN A BATHROOM BOY TOUCHES GIRL EVERYWHERE...

In a bath room,
a boy touches a girl everywhere!

You Know whose that boy?

Stupid It's Lifeboy Soap!


Dirty people always think dirty.

[bindujain]

MAN MAKING LOVE WITH MAID


A man while making love to his maid,
exclaimed 'Martha ur are sweeter than my wife'

The maid smiled and said

'i know 'cos the driver always tells me so'

[vinay kumar]

Brain Teaser: If 2 hours ago it was as long after one o'clock in the afternoon as it was before one o'clock in the morning. What time would it be now?

[vinay kumar]

"Attraction is The Temporary Love."
But
"Love is permanent Attraction."
Just a Game of Words But Makes Lot of Difference in Life..!!

[vinay kumar]

1 admi k 3 dost the
Teeno doctor the..
2 pagal the
1 ko samjh ni thi..

Jis ko samj ni thi
Us k 3 hospital the
2 band the
1 khulta ni tha..

Jo khulta ni tha
us me 3 fans the
2 band the
1 chalta ni tha..

Jo chalta ni tha,
us ko 3 mechanic k pas le gye
2 ko kam ata ni tha
1 se hota ni tha..

Jis se hota ni tha
Us k 3 shagird the
2 aate ni the
1 ghr me rhta tha..

Jo ghar me rahta tha
Wo wohi shuru wala admi tha jis k 3 dost the..

Mere b 3 dost the
2 pagal ho gaye
or 1 abi ho raha hai..

Lonely again

[vinay kumar]

What is the difference between PROBLEM. TALENT. .AND. KISMAT?
2boys love 1 girl=problem.
1 boy love 2 girl=talent.
2girl love 1 boy=kismat.

[vinay kumar]

What is the difference between PROBLEM. TALENT. .AND. KISMAT?
2boys love 1 girl=problem.
1 boy love 2 girl=talent.
2girl love 1 boy=kismat.

[vinay kumar]

STRESS TEST:
Few questions
lets find how stressed u r?
Q1)Whch mouse has 2 legs?
.
.
.
Ans:Mickey mouse!
.
Q2)Whch duck has 2 legs?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
If ur answr is Donald duck,den u R realy stresed
cuz al ducks hav 2 legs!:p
So chil out

[vinay kumar]

STRESS TEST:
Few questions
lets find how stressed u r?
Q1)Whch mouse has 2 legs?
.
.
.
Ans:Mickey mouse!
.
Q2)Whch duck has 2 legs?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
If ur answr is Donald duck,den u R realy stresed
cuz al ducks hav 2 legs!:p
So chil out

[vinay kumar]

Heart surgery unit k bahar likha tha....

"Agar dil khol lete apne yaro k saath,

To aaj kholna na padta Auzaro k saath"

sharing life with friends.

[vinay kumar]

Define a woman.

Ans-
Sum1 who talks for HOURS while standing at the door, but won't come in or sit...

Bcz.................
she is geting late.

[vinay kumar]

Define a woman.

Ans-
Sum1 who talks for HOURS while standing at the door, but won't come in or sit...

Bcz.................
she is geting late.

[vinay kumar]

Amazing Similarity bitween.. Love n Food...!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
if Cross d limts.. The result is Vomiting..samaj aya toh thk varna pogo dekho !!

[vinay kumar]

Magic:Ur cell number's last digit x 2
+5
x50
+ur AGE
+365
& -615.The last 2 numbr is ur age &1st num is ur cell's last no.TRY !!

[vinay kumar]

Magic:Ur cell number's last digit x 2
+5
x50
+ur AGE
+365
& -615.The last 2 numbr is ur age &1st num is ur cell's last no.TRY !!

[vinay kumar]

GYAN GANGA.

1)Dog road pr ulta pada tha to log uski pooja krne lage,
Q?
Qki DOG ka ulta is GOD.

1 or

2)Mare hue insan k muh me kya daloge?
Birla Cement,
Qki
"IS CEMENT ME JAAN HAI"

1 or

3)Wat is the cube of 13
Ans.- Suroor,
coz
TERA*TERA*TERA = SUROOR

"Chalo 1 aur"

4)Wat wud u cal a girl who never laughs?
HASI-NAA.

"bas 1 or"

5)Why a heart broken person doesnt need general knowldge?

Qki jab dil hi toot gaya to "GK" kya karega.

"pakka last"

6)Agar 2 peepal k ped ko rassi se baandh diya jaye to rassi ko kya kahenge?
NOKIA- Connecting "PEEPAL"

Bhagwan aapko aise msg ko jhelne ki shakti de...

[vinay kumar]

GYAN GANGA.

1)Dog road pr ulta pada tha to log uski pooja krne lage,
Q?
Qki DOG ka ulta is GOD.

1 or

2)Mare hue insan k muh me kya daloge?
Birla Cement,
Qki
"IS CEMENT ME JAAN HAI"

1 or

3)Wat is the cube of 13
Ans.- Suroor,
coz
TERA*TERA*TERA = SUROOR

"Chalo 1 aur"

4)Wat wud u cal a girl who never laughs?
HASI-NAA.

"bas 1 or"

5)Why a heart broken person doesnt need general knowldge?

Qki jab dil hi toot gaya to "GK" kya karega.

"pakka last"

6)Agar 2 peepal k ped ko rassi se baandh diya jaye to rassi ko kya kahenge?
NOKIA- Connecting "PEEPAL"

Bhagwan aapko aise msg ko jhelne ki shakti de...

[vinay kumar]

13.Funny meanings of places in english
.
1=Large State
"Maha-Rastra"
.
2=Place of Kings
"Raja-Sthan"
.
3=Mr. City
"Shri-Nagar"
.
4=Rhythm of Eyes
"Nayni-Tal"
.
5=Face
"Surat"
.
6=Unmarried Girl.
"Kanya-Kumari"
.
7=No Zip.
"Chen-Nai"
.
8=Come in Evening.
"Aa-Sam"
.
9=Go and Come.
"Go-Aa"
.
10=Answer State.
"Uttar-Pradesh"
.
11=Make Juice.
"Bana-Ras"
.
12=Do Drama.
"Kar-Natak"
.
13=Green Gate.
"Hari-Dwar"
.
Amazing INDIA.

[vinay kumar]

Newtons 3rd law of motion:
"A woman who Springs on a man's Spring during Spring!
Springs a surprise by getting an OFFSPRING by next SPRING"!!!

[vinay kumar]

Newtons 3rd law of motion:
"A woman who Springs on a man's Spring during Spring!
Springs a surprise by getting an OFFSPRING by next SPRING"!!!

[vinay kumar]

"I want my son to become Sachin Tendulkar." -Brian Lara(WI)

"V did not lose 2 a team called India, v lost 2 a man called Sachin" Mark Taylor(aus)

'Nothing bad can happen 2 us if v were on a plane in India wit Sachin Tendulkar on it."-Hashim Amla(SA)

"He can play that leg glance with a walking stick also.-Waqar Younis(Pak)

"There r 2 kind of batsman in the world. 1 Sachin Tendulkar and 2. all the others .-Andy Flower(ZIM)

"I have seen God. He bats at no.4 for India in tests.-Matthew Hayden(AUS.)

"I c myself when i c Sachin batting.-Don Bradman(AUS)

"Do your crime when Sachin is batting, bcos even God is busy watching his batting. -Australian Fan

Barack Obama "I don't know about cricket but still I watch cricket to see Sachin play..Not b'coz I love his play
its b'coz I want to know the reason why my country's production goes down by 5 percent when he's in batting"...

[vinay kumar]

"I want my son to become Sachin Tendulkar." -Brian Lara(WI)

"V did not lose 2 a team called India, v lost 2 a man called Sachin" Mark Taylor(aus)

'Nothing bad can happen 2 us if v were on a plane in India wit Sachin Tendulkar on it."-Hashim Amla(SA)

"He can play that leg glance with a walking stick also.-Waqar Younis(Pak)

"There r 2 kind of batsman in the world. 1 Sachin Tendulkar and 2. all the others .-Andy Flower(ZIM)

"I have seen God. He bats at no.4 for India in tests.-Matthew Hayden(AUS.)

"I c myself when i c Sachin batting.-Don Bradman(AUS)

"Do your crime when Sachin is batting, bcos even God is busy watching his batting. -Australian Fan

Barack Obama "I don't know about cricket but still I watch cricket to see Sachin play..Not b'coz I love his play
its b'coz I want to know the reason why my country's production goes down by 5 percent when he's in batting"...

[vinay kumar]

Amazing(GK) information:

The letters A, B, C and D,
do not appear in the spellings of 1 TO 99.

The D appears 1st time in HUNDRED.
'A' appears
1st time in THOUSAND.
'B' appears
1st time in BILLION.
'C' appears
1st time in CRORE.

[vinay kumar]

Amazing(GK) information:

The letters A, B, C and D,
do not appear in the spellings of 1 TO 99.

The D appears 1st time in HUNDRED.
'A' appears
1st time in THOUSAND.
'B' appears
1st time in BILLION.
'C' appears
1st time in CRORE.

[vinay kumar]

Whnevr boys c a beautiful girl wid

cool Figure

Long Hair

Fair Complexion

They remind d Tata Sky slogan..

Isko PaTa Dala Toh Lyf Jhingalala

[vinay kumar]

Whnevr boys c a beautiful girl wid

cool Figure

Long Hair

Fair Complexion

They remind d Tata Sky slogan..

Isko PaTa Dala Toh Lyf Jhingalala

[vinay kumar]

If facebook existed in the times of Ramayana..

Ram uploads status- "Going on long vacation with babe n bro..."
Kekai likes this!
Comments:
Bharat- Hv fun bro..
Sita- Yipee!!! Wen raavan abducts sita,

Ram uploads status- "Raavan, u r soo bloody screwed!"
Sita likes this.
Comments: Raavan- Bring it on dude!
Hanuman- M wid u bro.. !
Raavan- screwed off monkey...
Soon, Ram writes on Sita's wall- "Dont worry babe, m cming soon.. LOVE U honey... Mmmuuuaaahh"
Laxman, Sita n Hanuman like ths!

Sita's status UPLOAD- "Gawd! No fashion sense here!
Every woman luks like a fat monkey!!"
Hanuman likes this!
Comments : Hanuman- Any1 worth me??
Sita- No hanuman all galz r juz eww!
Raavan- Shut up! Dont say anythng abt my country's lovely chicks!
Sita- lovely LOL..!

After killing Raavan, Ram uploads status- "Yo Ayodhayites, coming bck wid babe n bro... B prepared for celebratn.."

[vinay kumar]

If facebook existed in the times of Ramayana..

Ram uploads status- "Going on long vacation with babe n bro..."
Kekai likes this!
Comments:
Bharat- Hv fun bro..
Sita- Yipee!!! Wen raavan abducts sita,

Ram uploads status- "Raavan, u r soo bloody screwed!"
Sita likes this.
Comments: Raavan- Bring it on dude!
Hanuman- M wid u bro.. !
Raavan- screwed off monkey...
Soon, Ram writes on Sita's wall- "Dont worry babe, m cming soon.. LOVE U honey... Mmmuuuaaahh"
Laxman, Sita n Hanuman like ths!

Sita's status UPLOAD- "Gawd! No fashion sense here!
Every woman luks like a fat monkey!!"
Hanuman likes this!
Comments : Hanuman- Any1 worth me??
Sita- No hanuman all galz r juz eww!
Raavan- Shut up! Dont say anythng abt my country's lovely chicks!
Sita- lovely LOL..!

After killing Raavan, Ram uploads status- "Yo Ayodhayites, coming bck wid babe n bro... B prepared for celebratn.."

[vinay kumar]

Devdas ki tarah jaan mat do yaro
Pyar ko lath maro

Meri bat mano

Na chandramukhi na paro

Roz raat 1 kingfisher maro aur chain se zindagi gujaro

[vinay kumar]

**FUNNY FULL FORMS OF IT COMPANIES**

1. NIIT: Not Interested in IT

2. WIPRO: Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output

3. HCL: Hidden Costs & Losses

4. TCS: Totally Confusing Solutions

5. INFOSYS: Inferior Offline Systems

6. HUGHES: Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping

7. BAAN: Beggars Association And Nerds

8. IBM: Implicitly Boring Machines

9. SATYAM: Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly

10. PARAM: Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors

11. C-DOT: Coffee During Office Timings

12. CMC: Coffee, Meals and Comfort

13. DELL: Deplorable Equipment & lacklusters

14. PSI: Peculiar Symptoms of India.

15. ORACLE: On-line Romance And Chatting with Lady Employees.

[vinay kumar]

**FUNNY FULL FORMS OF IT COMPANIES**

1. NIIT: Not Interested in IT

2. WIPRO: Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output

3. HCL: Hidden Costs & Losses

4. TCS: Totally Confusing Solutions

5. INFOSYS: Inferior Offline Systems

6. HUGHES: Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping

7. BAAN: Beggars Association And Nerds

8. IBM: Implicitly Boring Machines

9. SATYAM: Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly

10. PARAM: Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors

11. C-DOT: Coffee During Office Timings

12. CMC: Coffee, Meals and Comfort

13. DELL: Deplorable Equipment & lacklusters

14. PSI: Peculiar Symptoms of India.

15. ORACLE: On-line Romance And Chatting with Lady Employees.

[vinay kumar]

Up coming movies
*
*
*
1: Jab we chat

2: Namaste facebook

3: Hum aapke hai mutual friend

4: 7 gaali maaf

5: Hum like kar chuke sanam

6: Kabhi relationsh ip, kabhi single

7: Maine poke kyu kiya

8: Mujhse chatting karoge

9: Mere Brother Ki Profile

[vinay kumar]

"Why is Facebook such a hit?

= It works on d principle dat
"People r more interested in others lyf den their own! =)

"A Real Fact" (:

[vinay kumar]

"Why is Facebook such a hit?

= It works on d principle dat
"People r more interested in others lyf den their own! =)

"A Real Fact" (:

[vinay kumar]

Killer PJ-
How 2 write a C program to prevent titanic from sinking??
.
.
.
.
declare the variable "titanic" as "float".

[vinay kumar]

Killer PJ-
How 2 write a C program to prevent titanic from sinking??
.
.
.
.
declare the variable "titanic" as "float".

[vinay kumar]

Choosing Career Is Like
Choosing A Wife From 10 Girls.

Even If You Pick The Most Beautiful,
Intelligent, Kindest Woman,
There's Still Pain Of Losing The Other 9 :p

[vinay kumar]

Choosing Career Is Like
Choosing A Wife From 10 Girls.

Even If You Pick The Most Beautiful,
Intelligent, Kindest Woman,
There's Still Pain Of Losing The Other 9 :p

[vinay kumar]

Purani soch- "kro ya mro"
Nai soch-"marne se phle kuch kro!"
.
Ekdam Nai soch-"jb tk kuch kr nai lete maro mat!"

Hmari soch- Koi btayega sala krna kya Hai.?

[vinay kumar]

"Things change,

people change,

feelings change.

It's a good thing memories never do"

[vinay kumar]

EPIC
School vs College*

*School:
Pencil, rubber, sharpner, scale!!
College:
Ek ballpen wo bhi friends se cheena huwa

*School:
Class mein enter hone se pehle: Ma'am may I come in?
College:
Bina baithe hi mobile kan se laga ke class se bahar!!

*School:
Bag mein har subject ki books!!
College:
Yaar ek paper toh phar ke de

*School: Class test mein Star!!
College: Full moon hi naseeb hota hai yaar!!

*School: Listen I like her!!
College: Sambhal ke dekh, bhabi hai teri... !!

[vinay kumar]

EPIC
School vs College*

*School:
Pencil, rubber, sharpner, scale!!
College:
Ek ballpen wo bhi friends se cheena huwa

*School:
Class mein enter hone se pehle: Ma'am may I come in?
College:
Bina baithe hi mobile kan se laga ke class se bahar!!

*School:
Bag mein har subject ki books!!
College:
Yaar ek paper toh phar ke de

*School: Class test mein Star!!
College: Full moon hi naseeb hota hai yaar!!

*School: Listen I like her!!
College: Sambhal ke dekh, bhabi hai teri... !!

[vinay kumar]

University passed student speech:
I would like to thank my parents for paying my admission fee
Then I would like to thank my teachers for my attendance & their concentration on completing syllabus only
Because of which I turned to my masters
The Internet
Google
Wikipedia
Youtube
&
Special thanks to Downloads & Copy Paste techniques
Due to which I passed my exams!

[vinay kumar]

University passed student speech:
I would like to thank my parents for paying my admission fee
Then I would like to thank my teachers for my attendance & their concentration on completing syllabus only
Because of which I turned to my masters
The Internet
Google
Wikipedia
Youtube
&
Special thanks to Downloads & Copy Paste techniques
Due to which I passed my exams!

[vinay kumar]

"Thund aur insult jitni mehsus karoge utni lagegi"
So, be careless &
be BESHARAM.
Enjoy LIFE, enjoy WINTER.

Think Hatke, Jiyo Datke....
Hpy Wintr Dys..!

[vinay kumar]

"Thund aur insult jitni mehsus karoge utni lagegi"
So, be careless &
be BESHARAM.
Enjoy LIFE, enjoy WINTER.

Think Hatke, Jiyo Datke....
Hpy Wintr Dys..!

[vinay kumar]

Attachment is not when
two people chat day & night.
.
.
.
.
Its when someone e-mails u and adds an image or data file with it.
That file is called attachment:-P

[vinay kumar]

Alcohol does not make you FAT ....
.
.
.
.
it makes you LEAN...
.
.
.
against tables, chairs, walls, floors and...sometimes on people u don't know! :D:D

[vinay kumar]

Abhishek Bachchan P Ash Word

Amitabh Bachchan rekha

Shahrukh Khan ppppassword

Madhuri Dixit 12345678910111213

Shahid Kapur Paffword

Bill Gates MSword

Barack Obama TheBlackHouseDeve Gowda -zzZZZ

Sunil Bharti Mittal KhuljaSIMSIM

Vijay Mallya: calendarshouldhave20months

Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar India

RahulDravid Nothing shall pass

Saurav Ganguly Iamthebest

Navjot Singh Sidhu lol

Emraan Hashmi Muaaaaah

Nana Patekar Kaekopoocha

Gabbar Singh Aakthoo!!

Anu Malik will use passwords chosen by somebody else

Rajnikanth doesn't need a password

ACP Pradyuman daya_darwaza_tod_do.....!!

[vinay kumar]

Abhishek Bachchan P Ash Word

Amitabh Bachchan rekha

Shahrukh Khan ppppassword

Madhuri Dixit 12345678910111213

Shahid Kapur Paffword

Bill Gates MSword

Barack Obama TheBlackHouseDeve Gowda -zzZZZ

Sunil Bharti Mittal KhuljaSIMSIM

Vijay Mallya: calendarshouldhave20months

Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar India

RahulDravid Nothing shall pass

Saurav Ganguly Iamthebest

Navjot Singh Sidhu lol

Emraan Hashmi Muaaaaah

Nana Patekar Kaekopoocha

Gabbar Singh Aakthoo!!

Anu Malik will use passwords chosen by somebody else

Rajnikanth doesn't need a password

ACP Pradyuman daya_darwaza_tod_do.....!!

[vinay kumar]

A b.tech student took his galfrnd to his home aftr completing B.tech....
Father asked who is she....
Son replied..
.
.
... .
.
.
.
.
My campus selection..:-);-);-)

[vinay kumar]

SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY >
A man goes 2 library n asks 4 a book
on suicide.
Librarian stares at him for a while, then
asks:
.
.
.
Hey waapis kon dega ?....

[vinay kumar]

Dear girls..... You are Beautiful... ..
Don't harm Yourself for a Guy who goes
only for Your Looks...
You are your Father's Doll and Mamma's
Princess ....
So don't let Somebody make you feel
Low and Down... ...
The way you Smile... The way You have
Twinkle In your Eyes... *_*
The way you Cheer up Your Family and
Friends.... And the way You Care....
Is all What makes You Beautiful Little
Angels... :*
Right ? ^_^

[vinay kumar]

Dear girls..... You are Beautiful... ..
Don't harm Yourself for a Guy who goes
only for Your Looks...
You are your Father's Doll and Mamma's
Princess ....
So don't let Somebody make you feel
Low and Down... ...
The way you Smile... The way You have
Twinkle In your Eyes... *_*
The way you Cheer up Your Family and
Friends.... And the way You Care....
Is all What makes You Beautiful Little
Angels... :*
Right ? ^_^

[vinay kumar]

Evr wondered how many
thoughts ...feelings..nd emotions r hidden behind dis simple sentence:

"Kucch nahi,bas aise hi"..
Gudnite-:*¤

[vinay kumar]

Evr wondered how many
thoughts ...feelings..nd emotions r hidden behind dis simple sentence:

"Kucch nahi,bas aise hi"..
Gudnite-:*¤

[vinay kumar]

Life is irony:
Little gal's want barbie dolls and little boys want big cars..
Aftr growing up big gal's want big car's and big boys want barbie gals...!!!

[vinay kumar]

Life is irony:
Little gal's want barbie dolls and little boys want big cars..
Aftr growing up big gal's want big car's and big boys want barbie gals...!!!

[vinay kumar]

Laziness in winter morning!!
.
.

...

.

.

stand in front of mirror with 1 glass of water..

& throw water on d mirror & say "chalo. . .Nahaa liye.."!

[vinay kumar]

GIRLS_: WE hate cigarette!
So WE dont touch it!!
BOYS_: WE too hate cigarettes!
So WE BURN IT!!
...
ATTITUDE MATTERS...
GIRLS SHOCK__
BOYS ROCK__

[vinay kumar]

The most wonderful news in school life
..
..
..
Teacher Is Absent

[vinay kumar]

The most wonderful news in school life
..
..
..
Teacher Is Absent

[vinay kumar]

Wikipedia: I know everything
Google : i have everything
Facebook : i know everybody
Internet : without me u r nothing
.
.
Electricity : awaaaz niche.

[vinay kumar]

Yesterday,I Askd My Heart:

Wat is Diff. Between Love & Frndship.?

Heart Replied..

"Bhai Dekh Mera Kaam H Blood Supply..
Dont Ask Me Out Of Syllabus":

[vinay kumar]

Kabhi khamoshi bhi bahut kuch keh jati hai,
tadapne k liye bas yaaden hi reh jati hain,
kya farq padta hai wills ho ya goldflake ...yaaro
jalne k baad raakh hi ban jati hai

[vinay kumar]

If animals hav FB, these r most likely to b their status updates:

Cockroach: Managed to skip frm sum1 s foot step.. Man, I lead a dangrous lifestyle! :p

Cat: My 7th child is asking who is her dad...wat shall I tell her?? I dnt evn remembr

Mosquito: I m HIV positive dis is all due to wrong sucking !!! :/

Chicken: If 2omorrow i m nt updating my status, means i m being servd at KFC.! Luv u all

Octopus: I hav jst refilld my ink..horray!! ^_^

Pig: Oh gosh they throw da gossip dat i m spreading flu...damn!! :X

Goat: Frndz..dnt go out, Eid holiday is kuming :'(

pig writes a comment on goat's status: "Luckily I m haram" | 4 likes|

Goat replies: "Dnt u remembr dat aftr eid..da chinese new year..?:D

[vinay kumar]

If animals hav FB, these r most likely to b their status updates:

Cockroach: Managed to skip frm sum1 s foot step.. Man, I lead a dangrous lifestyle! :p

Cat: My 7th child is asking who is her dad...wat shall I tell her?? I dnt evn remembr

Mosquito: I m HIV positive dis is all due to wrong sucking !!! :/

Chicken: If 2omorrow i m nt updating my status, means i m being servd at KFC.! Luv u all

Octopus: I hav jst refilld my ink..horray!! ^_^

Pig: Oh gosh they throw da gossip dat i m spreading flu...damn!! :X

Goat: Frndz..dnt go out, Eid holiday is kuming :'(

pig writes a comment on goat's status: "Luckily I m haram" | 4 likes|

Goat replies: "Dnt u remembr dat aftr eid..da chinese new year..?:D

[vinay kumar]

Bohat The Mere Bhi Iss Duniya Main Apne..

Phir Ishq Hua Aur Hum Lawaris Ho gaye...!!

[vinay kumar]

Interviewer: Let me check your
word
Power.
pappu : Ok Sir.
Interviewer: Tell me the opposite of good..
... .
.pappu: hmmmm... Bad
Interviewer: Come
pappu: Go.
Interviewer: Ugly.
pappu: Pichlli.
Interviewer: PICHLLIIIII????
pappu: UGLYYYYYYYYY.
Interviewer: Shut Up.
pappu: Keep Talking.
Interviewer: Ok now stop these all.
pappu: now carry on this all
Interviewer:abe ... chup ho ja.chup ho ja.chupho jaaaa
pappu: abe... bolta rah.bolta rah.bolta rahhh
Interviewer: Areeee yaaar
pappu: areeee dushmannnnnn
Interviewer: Get Out.
pappu: Come In.
Interviewer: Oh my God.
pappu: Oh my Devil.
Interviewer: U r Rejected.
pappu: I m selected...Thank u thank u
sir...:) :p

[vinay kumar]

Patni: Jab tum Desi pite ho muze Paro kehte ho.
Beer pite ho to Darling. Par aaj Bhootni kyu?
Pati: Aaj maine SPRITE piya hai, 'Seedhi baat no bakwas'

[vinay kumar]

Who said English is easy???Fill in the blank with YES or No...
1. I dont have brain...
2. I dont have sense...
3. I am stupid....

[vinay kumar]

Everything happens for a reason, live it, love it, learn from it!
Make your smile change the world, but don't let the world change your smile.

[vinay kumar]

Everything happens for a reason, live it, love it, learn from it!
Make your smile change the world, but don't let the world change your smile.

[vinay kumar]

'To be Born with a personality is an accidental gift from ur parents,
but 2 Die as a personality is an achievement of ur own & return gift to ur parents..'

[bindujain]

1.) Mehbooba ke pyaar mein mar gaya peter,
Mehbooba ke pyaar mein mar gayapeter,
Hero Honda Splendor 80km/Litre

2.) IPL ke matches dekh ke logon ko maza aaraha hain,
IPL ke matches dekh ke logon ko maza aaraha hain,
12 saal se CID ka Daya ek hi QualisChala raha hain

3.) Hollywood ka hero hain TOM CRUZ,
Hollywood ka hero hain TOM CRUZ,
Pudhil Station Santa cruz...Agla Station Santa cruz..Next Station Santacruz

4.) Na jaan na pehchaan, tu mera mehmaan,
Na jaan na pehchaan, tu mera mehmaan
And the award goes to A.R.Rehman.

5.) Manchester United mein khelta hain ROONEY
Manchester United mein khelta hain ROONEY
ACP Pradhuymann ne kaha " aakhir chahta kya hain khooni"

6.) Kisiko na thi, mere pyaar ki khabar,
Kisiko na thi, mere pyaar ki khabar,
Diagram galat ho gaya, rubber de rubber

7.) Teri adao pe main waari waari..
Dial 139 for railway enquiry.

8.) Na jine ki aarzu na marne ka khauf..
The number your trying is currently switched off.

9.) Apne gamo ko bas dil me daba lo.
Naya godrej powder hair dye,Bas kaato gholo aur laga lo.

[bindujain]

Sonia Gandhi with the Queen of England.
Sonia - "Your Majesty, now that I am also a Queen... of the Gandhi-Nehru
dynasty in India...are there... any tips you can give to me to stay in power?"
"Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround
yourself with intelligent people."
Sonia frowned, and then asked,"But how do I know the people around me
are intelligent?"
The Queen took a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to
answer an intelligent riddle.
"The Queen pushed a button on herintercom. "David - would you comein
here, please ?"
David Cameron walked into the room and said, "Yes, Your Majesty?" The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this please, David, your mother
and father have a child.
It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, David Cameron answered, "That would be me, ma'am."
" Very good ! Thank you , David - that will be all!" said the Queen.
Then she turned to Sonia with a smile and said "See?".
Now its Sonia's turn to apply same logic....
Sonia went back to India and calledManmohan Singh and asked...
"Manmohanji, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"
"I'm not sure," said Manmohan."Let me get back to you on that one..."
Manmohan went to his advisors and asked every one, but none could give
him an answer.
Finally, he ran into Narendra Modi and asked, "Narendrabhai, can you
answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Narendra Modi answered, "That's easy, it's me!"
Manmohan said, "Thanks!" Then, he phoned Sonia. " Madam , I did some
thinking and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Narendra Modi:'( !!!"
Sonia slapped her head>=)....
and shouted;
"No! You idiot! I

[bindujain]

Bikini is d Only Dress, in which A Girl's 90% Body is Exposed.

Lekin Fir bhi Nazar Sali Sirf 10% Covered Jagah par hi jaati hai.

Kitne sharif hote hai mard......

[bindujain]

Ladki ke bap se

"Mai apki beti ka hath mangne aya hu"

Bap-"kyu?

Ladka-"kyunki ab mera haath thak chuka hai

[bindujain]

Yamraj: Tumne Punya or Paap dono kiye hai.... Is liye Swarg me NaraK milegA...

AAdmi: Vo kaiSe??

Yamraj: Roj Raat Ko 2 Glass Daru & 1 Ladki milegi.... ..
.
..
... ...
...


Glaas me ched Hoga, Par ladki me nhi...

:lol:

[bindujain]

Why Love Is Better Than War

Teacher Bachho Ko History Samjha Rahi Thi

Ek Dum Se Usne Class Mein Bethe Bachho Se Puchha.

Teacher: “Why Love Is Better Then War?”

Chinki Khadi Hui Aur Muskurati Hue Boli

Chinki: “Madamji, Arey Aapko Itna Bhi Nahi Pata, Simple Because Condom Is Cheaper Then Gun.“

[bindujain]

Son : Daddy, I fell in love & want to date this awesome girl.

Father : That's great son. Who is she?

Son : It's Sandra, the neighbour's daughter.

Father : Ohhh I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Sandra is actually your sister.

The boy is naturally bummed out; but a couple of months later : Son : Daddy, I fell in love a gain and she is even hotter!

Father : That's great son. Who is she?

Son : It's Angela, the other neighbour's daughter.

Father : Ohhhh I wish you hadn't said that. Angela is also your sister.

This went on couple of times and son was so mad, He went straight to his mother crying.

Son : Mum I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls but I can't date any of them because dad is their father!

The mother hugs him affectionately and says : My love, You can date whoever you want.

He isn't your Father..!!

[bindujain]

Police ne 2 ladkon aur ek ladki ko pakda.

Police: Tumhara naam kya hai?

1st boy: Mera naam Kishan hai aur mai baansuri baja raha tha.

Police: Achha tum jao. Tumhara naam kya hai?

2nd boy: Mera naam Kanhaiyahai aur mai baansuri baja raha tha.

Police: Achha tum bhi jao.

Police to girl: Aur tum bhi baansuri baja rahi hogi?

Girl: Nahin mera hi naam Baansuri hai........

[bindujain]

On 1st night,

Wife : Plz, not today, Lets spend our 1st night understanding each other.

Husband : "Darling Something 'Under' is already 'standing' for you....

[bindujain]

http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=20841&stc=1&d=1354679588

[bindujain]

Teacher to Vicky: tell examples of Active & Passive Voice.

Vicky: Active Voice- Tere mast mast do anin, mere dil ka le gaye Chain
Passive Voice- Mere Dil ka le gaye chain, Tere mast mast do Nain.

[bindujain]

Zamaana badla, log badle....... Gabbar wala dar ab purana ho gaya...

Aajkal door gaon me raat ko jab maa-baap sote nhi to baccha uth kar kehta hai- So jaa bapu, nahi to itne mehengai me dusra ho jayega...

[bindujain]

We All Spend 10000′s Of Rupees To Buy A Dress For The Marriage


But The Fact Is That On The First Night


We Cant Even Wear A 20 Rupees Underwear..

[bindujain]

Our man was touching an aunty in crowded bus..

aunty turns and says: "bhaisahab aap accha nhi kar rahe"

Susu replies: "itni bheed me iss se accha nahi ho payega aunty"

[bindujain]

A Girl about to make Tea..
Opened fridge.. But couldn't find milk,
So She Removed her dress;
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Changed her Clothes,
Went Out & Brought Milk from Shop.

Aur Aap Ki Soch Ko 21 Topon ki Salami..

[bindujain]

Boy to Girl - i love you


Girl- shakal dekhi hai apni....??


Boy - shakal pe mat ja mere pass 3 gas cylinder


coonection hai.. aur khud ka petrol pumb hai \m/
.
.
.
.
Girl:- awww...I love you too

[bindujain]

Gabbar - Are O Sambha kitne aadmi the.....??
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Sambha - Pata nahi sarkar mai to Ladkiya dekh raha tha

[bindujain]

Ek Car ki Nilami ho rahi thi,
10 lac
20 lac
...
30 lac
Ek Aadmi ne Car ki khrab halat pe gaur kiya to pas khade Aadmi se pucha :-
.
.
Is Car me esi kon si khoobi hai k iske itna daam lag rahe hai?
.
.
Aadmi : Ab tak is Car k 10 hadse hue hai or har haadse me sirf or sirf "Biwi" ki hi Maut hui hai.
-
-
Aadmi : 40 lakh

[bindujain]

Teacher : Hame in machron ko paida hone se rokna chahiye.
Student : Wo to ho hi nahin sakta.
Teacher : Kyon?
Student : Kyon ki itna chota condom ban hi nahi sakta.

[bindujain]

If animals have Facebook, these are most likely to be their Status Updates :


COCKROACH : “Managed to skip from some one’s foot step.. Man, I lead a dangerous lifestyle!” #:-s


Cat : “My 7th child is asking who is her dad. What shall I tell her??,I don’t even remember”…. 8-|


Pig : “Oh gosh they throw the gossips that I am spreading flu…!! ” >:/


Goat : “Friends, don’t go out, Eid is coming soon” X_X


Chicken : “If tomorrow there’s no status update from my side, means I’m being served at KFC”

[bindujain]

NEWTON IN ROMANTIC MOOD..


Universal Law Of Love:
Love Can Neither Be Created Nor Be Destroyed; Only It Can Transfer From One Girlfriend To Another Girlfriend With Some Loss Of Money.


1st Law Of Love:
A Boy In Love With A Girl, Continue To Be In Love With Her And A Girl In Love With A Boy, Continue To Be In Love With Him, Until Or Unless Any External Agent(Brother Or Father Of The Gal) Comes Into Play And Break The Legs Of The Boy.


2nd Law Of Love:
The Rate Of Change Of Intensity Of Love Of A Girl Towards A Boy Is Directly Proportional To The Instantaneous Bank Balance Of The Boy And The Direction Of This Love Is Same To As Increment Or Decrement Of The Bank Balance.


3rd Law Of Love:
The Force Applied While Proposing A Girl By A Boy Is Equal And Opposite To The Force Applied By The Girl While Slapping.

[bindujain]

In Lok Sabha, a Congress MP during his speech
told
a
story.....
"There was a father who gave 100 rupees each to
his 3 sons and asked them to buy things and fill up a
room completely.
First son bought hay for Rs. 100 but couldn't fill
the
room entirely.
Second son bought cotton forRs. 100 but couldn't fill
the room entirely.
Third son bought a candle for Rs. 1 and lit it up
and
the room was filled with light completely."
The MP added "Our Prime Minister is like the third son.
Since the day
he has taken charge of his office, our country is
filled
with the bright light of prosperity"
A voice from the BJP side asked: "Woh sab toh theek hai...
Where are the remaining Rs. 99?"

[bindujain]

Ek Aadmi Ki Bike Puncture Ho Gayi Kisi Tarha Vo Usko Lekar Pass Ke Ek Service Station Mein Pahuncha
Vaha Jake Pucture Lagane Wale Ladke Se Bola.
Aadmi: “Bike Gaseet Gaseet Ke pichhwada Fatt Gayi”
Ladke Ne Confuse Hoke Puchha: “To Phir Pahle Puncture Kaha Lagau, pichhu Pe Ya Bike Mein“

[bindujain]

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt. God works in mysterious ways. After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers..
The woman says, 'So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should be friends and live in peace for the rest of our days.'

Flattered, the man replies, 'Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be a sign from God! But you're still at fault...women shouldn't be allowed to drive.'

The woman continues, 'And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.' She hands the bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?'

The woman replies, 'No. I think I'll just wait for the police...'



MORAL OF THE STORY:
Sometimes Women are cleverer than men, so
Don't mess with them !!!!!!!

[bindujain]

Boy : may I kiss u....??
.
.
Girl : No
.
Boy again : May I kiss u.......??
.
Girl : No..
.
Boy desperately asks :
PLEASEEEEE,MAY I KISS U.....??
.
.
.
Girl : Kutte, kaminey ...
Teacher thodi naa hoon jo
permission maang raha hai
ZABARDASTI nahin Kar sakta
kya....??

[bindujain]

Why Akshay Kumar's wife is not a BIG STAR like him?
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...


Because....
.
.
.
''TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR

[bindujain]

Teacher:- Give me an Example of
Import and Export.
.
.
.
.
Santa:- Sonia gandhi & Sania
mirza.

[bindujain]

Pappu - Tum to meri Chand ho......!
.
.
.
Pappu ki gf- Aur tum ho mere
Neil Armstrong....!
.
.
.
Pappu - Wo Kyo?
.
.
.
Gf ( sharmate huye ) boli -
Chand pe Chadhne wala Pehla
Aadmi

[bindujain]

Height Of Bravery For Girls
..
..
..
..
...
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
Moving Out Of
House Without
Make- Up

[bindujain]

A secretary got an expensive PEN
as birthday gift from her boss.
She sent her boss a 'Thank You' via SMS.


The wife read the text
and angrily shows her husband the message:
"Your penis wonderful, I enjoyed
using it last night. Thanks"


Moral:- Space is essential in every
successful relationship...

[bindujain]

Laila Ne Majnu Ko Ek Ped Ke Pichhe Dekha
Aur Boli.
Laila: “Tum Majnu Ho Na?”
Majnu Bola: “Haan”
Phir Kuch Deir Baad Use Jhadiyo Ke Piche
Dekha To Boli.
Laila: “Tum Majnu Ho Na?”
Majnu Bola: “Haan, Main Majnu Hoon”
Phir Kuch Deir Baad Use Diwaar Ke Pichhe
Dekha Aur Kaha.
Laila: “Tum Majnu Ho Na?”
Majnu Bola: “Haan-Haan, Kamini Main
Majnu Hi Hoon, Tu Mujhe Tatti Karne Degi
Ya Nahi“

[bindujain]

Ek gujju Ladka chetan bhai ek Sindhi Ladki Se Pyaar Karta Tha.
Ek Din Sindhi Ladki Ne Usse Kaha.
Sindhi Ladki: “Jab Papa So Jayenge To Main Gali Mein Sikka Fenkungi, Awaz Sunkar Tum Jaldi Se Andar Aa Jana”
Lekin Ladka Sikka Fenkne Ke Ek Ghante Baad Aaya
Sindhi Ladki Boli: “Tumne Itni Der Kyu Laga Di?”
Marwadi Ladka: “Wo Main Sikka Dhoond Raha Tha”
Sindhi Ladki: “Pagal Wo To Dhaaga Bandh Ke Fenka Tha, Wapis Kheench Liya“

[bindujain]

Teacher To Student: “What Is Hyper Active Possessive Definition Of Circulated Motion”
Student: “Zimbalakadi Takada Bamba Huchalu”
Teacher: “I Did Not Understand What You Said”
Student: “Same Here, Mam“

[bindujain]

Father: Beta!
Tu ne Engineering K 4 SaalonMein Sab Se Mushkil Kaam Kon Sa Seekha......??
.?
.?
.?
.?
.?
.?
Son: Bus Ki Chatt Pe baith K....Tezz Hawaon Mein 1 TeeliSe 3 Cigarette Jalana...

[bindujain]

Perfect ßoyfrnd:
.
.
Girlfriend: I forgot my purse at home & I need 2000 Rs urgently.
Can You Help Me ?
... .
.
.
.
.
.

ßoy Gives her 20 Rs. n says:- go home n bring your purse..!! :P

[bindujain]

In IIT Exam Santa got 1 question Prove
Sin x = 6n
.
.
.
... Santa cancelled ‘n’ from both the sides !
Then six=6
.
.
.
& wrote: Kuch to standrd rakha karo IIT k questions ka ! :/

[bindujain]

Pathan Interview Dene Jata Hai. . .

Manager: Where Is Abu Dhabi???
.
.
... .
.
.
Pathan:- Jis Qabristan Mein Humara Ammi Dabi,
Wohi Thoda Durr Par Abu Dhabi !! O.o

[bindujain]

Insaan apne aap ko sabse zyada insecure kab feel karta hai ?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
... .
.
.
.
.
.
.
Jab wo aise toilet mein baitha ho jisme kundi na ho :P

[bindujain]

Ek Minister Ki Biwi Bahut Hi Sunder Aur **** Thi.
Ek Din Minister Ka Najane Kya Mood Bana,
Usne Patni Ko Bulaya Aur Puchha.

Minister:- “Sach Sach Batao Tumne
Hamare Sath Kitni Baar Bewafayi Ki Hai?”

Patni Kuch Soch Ke Boli: “Ji Sirf 3 Baar, Woh b Aapki Khaatir "

Minister hairan hua, par Man Hi Man Mein Khush b Hua
... Ki Chalo Itni **** Hone Ke Baad Bhi Sirf 3 Baar Hi Bewafayi Ki,

Fir Bhi Usne Pucha
Minister: “Kab Kab”

Patni: “Ek Bar Jab Aapke Dil Ka
Operation Hua Tha To Main Shehar Ke
Sabse Bade Dr. Ko Manane Gayi Thhi”

Minister: “Hmm”

Patni: “Agli Bar Jab Aap Jail Mein Band The,
Aur Rihayi Ke Koi Chances Na The
To Judge Ke Pass Gayi thi”

Minister: “Aur Teesri Bar ?”

Patni Sharmate Hue: “Jab Aapko Sarkar
Banani Thi Aur Aapke Pas 76 MLAs Kam they

[bindujain]

Shaadi ki raat Santa Confuse ho gaya ki baat kaise shuru kare !!
.
.
.
Aadha Ghanta Sochne ke baad aakhir apni biwi se bola:-
.
.
.
.
.
Aapke gharwaalo ko pata hai na aaj aap Yahin rukengi...??

[bindujain]

An enGineering Student went & proposed a
girl

Girl : What can u do to make me love you ?

Boy : I will do what ever u want, I vl bring
stars from
the sky, I vl jump from whereever u say, I vl
do anything for u.

... Girl : Can u complete ur Enggnrng without a
single back??
.
.
.
Boy : Chalta hu behan..... apna khyal rakhna .

[bindujain]

Autowala: Saab! 30 Rs Hue
Santa: Le 15 Rs
AutowaLa: Saab Ye To Beimani Hai
Santa: Beimani Kaisi.....?? Tu Bhi To
Baith Ke Aaya Hai; Aadha Tu De.
gahe tera kiraya b m dun. :O
=D
Santa Rock -.... autowala shock..

[bindujain]

Kareena ko ladka hua, bilkul
kaala...
Saif ne kaha:
Tu gori,
Main gora,
... ladka kaise kala? :/
Kareena replied:
Tu hot,
Main hot...
Jal Gaya Saala...!

[bindujain]

Grammar Teacher:


Wo Ladki Sab Ladko Se Hans
Kar Baat Karti Hai..


...Batao Is Sentence Me Ladki
Kya Hai....??
.
.
.
pinto bhai: Sir, Ladki Bigdi Hui Hai.
Aur wo Setting Karna Chahti
Hai..

[bindujain]

Ladki saare kapde nikaal de toh kya hoga ?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Almaari khaali ho jaayegi...

Soch badlo, Desh badlega..

[bindujain]

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.


On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."


"What?" said the puzzled groom.


"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"


"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.


Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.


Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.


Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.


Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.


Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.


Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.


Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.


Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.


Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"


"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"


"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed

[bindujain]

vicky bhai:
Biwi se Jhagda Solve hua kya?

passion bhai:
Ghutno pe Chal ke Aayi thi Mere Paas.

vicky bhai:
Kya Boli?

passion bhai:
Boli Palang ke Neeche se Nikal Aao, Ab Nahi Marungi

[bindujain]

Class Ki Group Photo Dekhte Huey
Teacher Baccho Se Kahne Lagi Ki
.
.
.
Jab tum Log Bade Hoke ye deko
ge to Kahoge,,
.
Ye Raju Hai Jo America Chala
Gaya..!


Ye Chandu Hai Jo London Chala
Gya..!


OR Ye pappu Hai Jo Wahi Ka Wahi
Reh Gya..!
.
Pappu gusse se Bola: or Ye
Humari Kamini Teachar Hai Jinka
dehant ho gya...

[bindujain]

Santa & Banta Pani Pine Gaye,
Glass Ulta Pada Hua Tha.


.


.


.
Banta Shocked- Abe Iska To Muh hi Band Hai.


.


.


Santa- Ha Yaar Sahi Kaha.!


NIche se Bhi Tuta Hua Hai Saala.

[bindujain]

Teacher: Usko Kya Kahenge Jo Dhyaan Na Dene Par Bhi Bolta Rehta Hai.........??
.


.


.


.


.


.
Pappu: Use Teacher Kehte Hai

[bindujain]

physics's SIR proposes chemistry MA'M-
SIR- from d first tym i saw ur CONICAL JARS and
ROUND BOTTOM FLASK, my PENDULUM starts
OSCILLATING endlessly and itzz length become
DOUBLED
.
.
.
.
.
.
ma'm- dont juz talk,shake d TEST TUBE vigorously
and make it HOT and put in d STAND.
i want WHITE PRECIPITATE with BRISK
EFFERVESCENCE.

[bindujain]

Engineering is awesome


LATE HONE PE:


"Aaj bunk nahi tha?"
"Attendence ho gayi kya"
"Agr pta hota ki iska lec h to main aata hi nahi"
"Proxy mari thi kya"


LECTURE MEIN:


"Uski t shirt pe kya likha h dekh"
"1 page de .. abey pen bhi to de, kam se kam
haath mein kuch toh ho!"
"Tujhe bhookh nahi lag rahi kya"
"Kya yaaar paka raha hai ye to, kisne bana diya teacher isey "


AFTER EXAMS:


"Jo chhoda tha wahi aa gaya, arey ab chhod na, ghumne chalte h"
"koi nahi next tym nikaal liyo"


ASSIGNMENT COPY:


"Ye kya likha h"
"Jo word samajh aa rha h wo likh, jo ni aa raha uska aisa hi design bana de''...

[bindujain]

Ek bar ek pagal ko jail mein band kar diya gaya . .
.
Pagal to Jailer : mujhe ek kitaab likhni hai kagaz aur pen do mujhko
.
Jailer : abe tu kitab likh ke kya karega ?
.
Pagal : publish kara ke famous banunga
.
Jailer : Hawaldar iss pagal ko ek copy aur kalam do aake
.
Pagal kitab likhna suru karta hai . . Pahle page pe likhta hai "ghoda jungle ki taraf chal diya"


aur last page pe likhta hai "ghoda jungle pahunch gaya"
.
Pagal : jailer saab ye lijiye padhiye ye kitab maine likhi hai maine. . Lekin sirf 1st aur last page padhiyega. .
.
Jailer : padhta hai use gussa ata hai kahta hai kya bakwas hai ye bich mein kya likha hai . . :/
.
Pagal : tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik

[bindujain]

vicky bhai got “0" marks in exam..


So Check the paper and tellvicky bhai he is right na.!


Q.1 What is formula of water?
Ans: H,i,j,k,l,m,n,o (H to O).


Q.2 Till when 2nd world war was fought?
Ans: From page 115 to page120.


Q.3 Who was Bhagat Singh?
Ans: Ajay davegan, Boby deol…


Now tel me who is wrong,
vicky bhai or teacher!:-)
[/INDENT]

[bindujain]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/223259_207769862689475_598068853_n.jpg

[bindujain]

A Somalian arrives in Australia as a new immigrant. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says........


'Thank you Mr. Australian for letting me in this country, giving me housing, money for food, free medical care, free education and no taxes!'

The passer by says, 'You are mistaken, I am Afghani!'


The man goes on and encounters another passer by. 'Thank you for having such beautiful country here in Australia!'

The person says, 'I not Australian, I Iraqi!'


The new arrival walks further and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, 'Thank you for the wonderful Australia!

'That person puts up his hand and says, 'I am from Pakistan, I am not from Australia!'


He finally sees a nice lady and asks, 'Are you an Australian?'

She says, 'No, I am from India!'


Puzzled, he asks her, 'Where are all the Australians?'

[bindujain]

There was pet shop where parrots trained on computer were being sold.

Seeing the advertisement on paper one client [ potential buyer] has come and enquired about the parrots and their price.

There were three parrots which were trained on computer and the owner of the shop explains.

1. The first parrot is expert in sending mails thru computer. If you say something it will compose the mail and sent it. It costs Rs 500 he said.

The client surprised and curious to know the rest.

2. The second parrot not only composes mail of your content and also takes the copy of the mail from printer. It is trained with multiple skills and costs Rs 750 he said.

The client becomes so happy hearing this and becomes nervous to know the skills of the third one.

3.The owner said the third parrot costs 3000,but I am not able to say its ability like the others.

The curious client asks why it is costlier than the rest even though you donot have any details about what it does.

The owner said I too wonder but the above parrots call the third as “Project Manager” That’s why.!!!

[bindujain]

Cylinder ki lambi line dekh kar pappu gusse me bola :

Abhi PM k Pichwade pe laat maar ke aata hun


kuccch der baaad wo wapas line mein laga ...

Dost ne puccha -
Maar aaya? ?

Pappu :
waha isse bhi lambi line lagi hai

[bindujain]

Santa died and went to heaven.
When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to advances in education on earth.

In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:

1. Name two days a week that begin with `T', and
2. How many seconds are there in a year?

Santa thought for a few minutes and
answered…

1 The two days that begin with `T' are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are twelve seconds in a year.

Saint Peter said,`OK, I'll buy Today and Tomorrow,
even though it's not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct.
But how did you get only 12 seconds in a year?'

Santa replied , `Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd,etc…

Saint Peter let him in without another word.

[bindujain]

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion.

They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card, "Rest in Peace."

The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.

After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied, "Sir,I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this... somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, 'Congratulation on your new location.'''

[bindujain]

Wrong email address:

A couple were going on vacation but the wife was on a business trip so husband reached to the destination first and his wife would meet him the next day.

When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.

Unfortunately, while typing her email address, he mistyped a letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.

When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell on the floor in a dead faint.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the
screen:

Dearest Wife,

Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

P.S. Sure is hot down here.

[bindujain]

Prove that 2/10=2

Ans : Normal college students insist Question is "OUT of Syllabus".

but

Engineering Students replied:

2=two,
10=ten.

therefore Two/Ten = Two/Ten = wo/en.

w=23,
o=15,
e=5,
n=14.

therefore

w+o=23+15=38 & e+n=5+14=19

Therefore wo/en=38/19=2.

Hence Proved

FOR, Engineers " It doesn't matter ans kya hai, they only need to know ans kya lana he."

[bindujain]

Fully integrated ID card system in India

Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your..."

Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."

Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose ID card number first, Sir?"

Customer: "It's he..., hold........ ..on..... .889861356102049 998-45-54610"

Operator : "OK... You're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jal Vayu. Your home number is 22678893, your office 25076666 and your mobile is 09869798888. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"

Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"

Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."

Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"

Customer: "How come?"

Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"

Operator : "Try our Low Fat Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer: "How do you know for sure?"

Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"

Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"

Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 05, Sir. The total is Rs 500.00"

Customer: "Can I pay by! Credit card?"

Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs 23,000.75 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir.."

Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"

Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your Nano Car..."

Customer: " What!"

Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a Nano car,...registration number GZ-05-AB-1107. ."

Customer: " ????"

Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"

Customer: "Nothing... By the way... Aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"

Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic.... ... "

Customer: #$$^%&$@$% ^

Operator : "Better watch your language Sir.. Remember on 15th July 2010 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman... ?"

Customer: [Faints]