Jokes for young generation

[bindujain]

PATHAN apni famly k sath
Jungle me rehta tha,
1 din usy Jngle se 1 Shesha mila,
Wo smja k us k bap ki Tsweer hy,
Wo usy apny Ghar ly gya Or us se
roz baten krne laga,
Uski Bivi ko Shak hua,
Aik din Shohar ki gair mojodgi me
us ne Shisha nikala or apna Aks
dekh kr boli?
Acha to ye hy wo Kaly mo wali,
jis se mra Shohar roz batein krta
hy,
Us ne Shisha apni Saas ko
dikhaya to Saas boli,
"Churail ki Umar dekho or
kartoot dekho...!

[bindujain]

Newton's Law of KAMINAPAN:

Every Kamina continues to do Kaminapan until & unless
A tamacha or sandal With a velocity of 9.8m/s
is impressed upon him By a beautiful girl
This force is called Be-izzati which is
directly proportional to Sharmindagi but
Awarapan remains Constant..

[bindujain]

Three engineers got on a crowded lunchtime bus. They somehow worked their way to the middle of the bus where they found three girls willing to exchange their seats for a place on the guys' laps.
After they got settled and had ridden that way for a while, the first girl suddenly asked the gentleman under her whether he might be an electrical engineer.
Surprised, he replied, "Yes, I am! How did you know?"
"Easy," she said. "I'm getting shocked by your soldering iron."
Just a few minutes later, the second girl asked her guy, "Are you a mechanical engineer?"
He said, "Why, yes, ma'am. How did you know that?"
"Simple," she said, "Your piston is scraping my cylinder."
Shortly thereafter, the third girl turned to her fellow and asked, "Are you a civil engineer?"
"I certainly am," he answered. "How could you have known that?"

"Well," she said, "I figured it out as soon as your dam burst and flooded my village."

[bindujain]

A Dr. returns to his Clinic after a Day off and asks his assistant Santa about his Patients.

Santa: 1st Patient came with Headache..
I gave him SARIDON.

Dr: Good Job

Santa: 2nd with Running Nose and I Gave him COLDARIN...

Dr: Good Job Again!!

Santa: 3rd was a Lady. She Took-Off her Clothes on the Bed, Opened her Legs and said ''Help me, I have not Seen A Man for Last 5 Months''

Surprised Dr-What did u do then?

Santa: I Put
CIPLOX EYE DROPS in her EYES...!

[bindujain]

''United We Stand,
Divided We Fall''

Ka hindi version:

''Sangathan Me Shakti Hai, Akele Me pichhu Phat ti Hai..!!!''

[bindujain]

Teacher:- Sharab or Pyaar me kya
rishta hai....??


.
vicky:- Sharab over hone se
Ladka ulti karta hai.
.


.


.


.


.


.


Lekin
.


.


.


Pyaar over hone se Ladki ulti karti
hai....

[bindujain]

vicky bhai-Tumhari kameez Fati Hui Hai.

Girl friend-Nahi Ye Fashion he
vicky bhai-Accha, Khud Faado to Fashion,

.

Hum Faade Toh POLICE STATION.

[bindujain]

riky bhai Se Interview Me Pucha
Gaya:
.
Agr 2 Minute K Liye Apko P.M
Bana Diya Jaye
To Aap Kya Karenge3?
.
riky bhai:Hum Maggi Noodles
Banayga..
.
Intrviwer:Why?
.
riky bhai:2 Minute Me To Sirf
Maggi Ban Sakta Hai..
.
Intrvwer:Agr 5 Saal K Liye
Bana Dia Jaye?
.
riky bhai:Hum 5 Sal K Liye P.M Nhi
Bnega..
.
Intrvwer:Why??
.
riky bhai:Itna Maggi Kon
Khayega?

[bindujain]

Woh aayi sapane me aur tujhe nightfall ho gaya,

wah-wah

woh ayi sapane me aur tujhe nightfall ho gaya,
uski bhi izzat bach gayi aur tera bhi kaam ho gaya !!

[bindujain]

Very Heart Touching Lines Said By
A Boy to A Girl During Breakup...
.
.
.
.
.
"Behen Gifts Toh Wapis Karti Ja,
Teri Bhabhi Ko Kya Dunga..

[bindujain]

Girls pc folder:
C\desktop\songs \romantic songs
!

.
.
.
.
.

Arvind bhai's pc folder
C\windows\system32\drivers\stu dymaterial\important files\education al stuff\data structure an alogrithims\SUN NY LEONE.avi

[vinay kumar]

Once an Old man was in Hurry,

He forget to Zip up his Pant...

A Girl said: Your Zip is Open.

Old man said: Don't worry, "Dead Birds Never Fly....!

[vinay kumar]

A woman recently changed her Facebook status -

" I got my periods !"

21 Guys "Liked" it..

&

18 guys commented

" Thank God !!

[vinay kumar]

Sanskrit Teacher Askd=What is The Meaning of 'Tamaso Maa Jyotirgamaya

Student Said=Tu So ja Maa, Main Jyoti ke Ghar Ja Raha Hu.

[vinay kumar]

Police:Jis car ne aapko takkar mari uska number kya tha?

Sardar:no to yaad nahi,par jo madam chala rahi thi,

unki shirt ke 2 button khule the, lal bra dikh rahi thi,

breasts 36 size ke the,gale me sone ka locket tha

jo kabhi left boob ko & kabhi right ko touch kar raha tha,unke breasts pe ek til bhi tha!

...Baki mera to saara dhayan apni driving pe hi tha.

[vinay kumar]

Police:Jis car ne aapko takkar mari uska number kya tha?

Sardar:no to yaad nahi,par jo madam chala rahi thi,

unki shirt ke 2 button khule the, lal bra dikh rahi thi,

breasts 36 size ke the,gale me sone ka locket tha

jo kabhi left boob ko & kabhi right ko touch kar raha tha,unke breasts pe ek til bhi tha!

...Baki mera to saara dhayan apni driving pe hi tha.

[vinay kumar]

A Veg Joke.... Couldn't Stop Laughing

Onion Got Married 2 Cabbage And The Next Morning a Friend Asked Onion

'How Did U Spend Your Wedding Night?

Onion Said 'Arre Ek Dusre Ko Kholte Kholte Hi Subah Ho Gayi =))

[vinay kumar]

India Is a Place Where.. Anyone Driving Faster Than U Is "Saala Bhosdika Marega"..

Anyone Who Driving Slower Than U Is "Saala Chutiya Garden mein car Chala Raha Hai" !!

And Anyone Driving Parallel To U Is "Behnchod Baap se Race Laga Raha hai" !!

[vinay kumar]

3 idiots train mein ja rahe the

TT-Ticket dikhao

3 idiots-ye lo

TT-ye ticket toh purani hai

3 idiots-toh train kya abhi showroom se nikal ke laye ho.:-)

[vinay kumar]

7 Wondrful Couples of World

7:Heart & Beat

6:Rose & Love

5:Night & Moon

4:Music & Song

3:Fish & Water

2:Rain & Peacock &

1:MY SMS & UR Smile..

[vinay kumar]

NAARAD SAYS:

If ur Lover snds u Romantic Msgs,

u bcum vry Happy,

But

think who is snding those Msgs to ur Lover?

My job is over.

Narayan Narayan;)

[vinay kumar]

NAARAD SAYS:

If ur Lover snds u Romantic Msgs,

u bcum vry Happy,

But

think who is snding those Msgs to ur Lover?

My job is over.

Narayan Narayan;)

[vinay kumar]

If ur wife kisses u everytime u come late at night

Remember, it's not AFFECTION

It's INSPECTION of Daaru Smell, Ladies Perfume or Lipstic..!!

Jago pati Jago

[vinay kumar]

Every wife is like "terms and conditions" of a Website,

The husbands never understand what she says but they always accept... =)) =)) =)) >=)

[vinay kumar]

Every wife is like "terms and conditions" of a Website,

The husbands never understand what she says but they always accept... =)) =)) =)) >=)

[vinay kumar]

Sardar ki Biwi- O ji, Mere Mobile Me Kisi Ne "I LOVE YOU" Ka MSG bheja hai.

Sardar- Oye! Aise msg recv nhi karni chahiye. Wapas bhej de sale ko...;-):-D

[vinay kumar]

WHY DO STUDENTS FAIL?

A year has 365days

Sundays:52

balance:313

summer holidays:50

bal:263days

8hours daily sleep means 122 days

bal:141days

1 hour daily playing means 15 days

bal:126days

2 hours daily food means 30 days

bal:96days

1hr 4 talking means 15 days

bal:81days

exam days total in year 35days

bal:46 days

festival 40days

bal:6days

4 sickness 3days,

movies & functions atleast 2days,

bal-1day,

that 1 day is Ur birthday,

HOW CAN A STUDENT PASS? Think!

[vinay kumar]

A boy wrote luv letter with blood to a science girl & said 'Khat ka jawab jarur dena'

Girl replied Blood group B+ Hemoglobin 8gm Suger-120 Fees-Rs 80...

[vinay kumar]

After looking at the

Srilankan Cheer-Girls

in Srilanka,

U just can't blame Ravan

for kidnapping

SitA....!!!!

[vinay kumar]

"GRAVITATION doesn't take responsibility for the people falling in LOVE".

.

.

.

.

Said by NEWTON'S ROOM MATE..

[vinay kumar]

Happiness cannot be earned,owned or consumed..

Happiness is the experience of living every minute with love, grace & gratitude.!! Good morning! keep smiling:)

[vinay kumar]

Husband nay paan kharid kar wife ko khany k liye diya.

.

.

Wife: Aap nay apne liye Q nahi lia?

.

.

.

Husband: mai is k bghair b kham0sh reh sakta hun.

[vinay kumar]

chuhe ne kiya sherni ko purpose

gift me diya red rose

sherni boli ja phele apni sakal to dekh

chuha bola sakal pe mat ja pagli confidence to dekh..

[vinay kumar]

We live in a world in which judgement is more important than getting to know that person.

[vinay kumar]

Papu ki master se hui ladai mastr ne ki

paapu ki dhulai papu ka grm hua khoon.

gaya kabristan aur kabr pe master ke

photo tang k likh diya COMING SOON

[vinay kumar]

1 Aadmi K Lips Jale Hue the

Kisi Ne Poochha, Kaise Jale ?

Aadmi: Wife Ko Station drop karne Gaya Tha Khushi

K Mare

Train K Engine Ko Choom liya.!

[vinay kumar]

Raju- papa main kal

School nahi jaunga..

.

Papa- kyun?

.

Raju- aaj school mein

Hamara wajan kiya gaya..

.

Papa- to??

.

Raju- aaj wajan kiya hai..

Kal bech diya to

[vinay kumar]

Best lines said to a friend-;

Don't say thanks to me for what i do for you..

.

.

.

Just be there for me when i need you..

...:-)

[vinay kumar]

Once upon a time, a bongali went to gulzar saab to

learn shayari.

Gulzar saab told the bongali to repeat after him

"na gila karunga,

na shikwa karunga..

tu salamat rahe,

rab se yehi dua karunga"

Bongali babu repeated

"na geela korega,

na sukha korega..

Tum saala mat raho,

rob se yehi dua korega"

[vinay kumar]

Boss : There r 50 bricks on an airplane. If u drop 1 outside. Hw many r left?

Employee : That's easy,49.

Boss : What r d 3 steps to put an elephant into a fridge?

Employee : Open the fridge. Put the elephant in. Close the fridge

Boss : What r the four steps to put a deer

into the fridge?

Employee : Open the fridge. Take the elephant out. Put the deer in.

Close the fridge.

Boss : It's lion's birthday, all animals r there except one, why?

Employee : Because the deer is in the fridge.

Boss : How does an old woman cross a swamp

filled with crocodiles?

Employee : She jst crosses it bcz d crocodiles r at d lion's birthday

Boss : Last question.

In the end the old lady still died. Why?

Employee : Er....I guess she drowned?

Boss : No! She was hit by the brick fallen from the airplane.

U may leave nw..

Moral: Jitna marzi prepare karlo. Agar boss ne tumhari leni hai to leke hi manega

[vinay kumar]

Always ask God to give u what u

deserve,

not what you desire.

Its bcoz your desires may be few,

but you deserves a lot!

[vinay kumar]

Srdar- Beta 2 Bister Q Lagaye?

Son- Ghar Pe 2 Guest Aa rhe Hai.

Srdar- Kon?

SON- Mom Ka Vai or Mera Mama.

Srdar- Fir 1 Or Lga, Mera Sala v to Aa Rha h!!:-D

[vinay kumar]

Husband got a Taawiz to control his Wife, After 1 month reports-

"Baba,Wife pe koi Asar nahi hua, par 2 Padosan vash me ho gayi"

Baba-"Chalo side Effect to hua"

[vinay kumar]

Science Teacher: Bachcho zinda

rahne ke liye kya zaruri hai?

Student: itna bhi nahi pata mam?

Zinda rehne ke liye teri qasam..

ek mulaqat zaruri hai sanam.

[vinay kumar]

Wife : I hate that beggar.

Husband : Why?

Wife : Bloody rascal, yesterday I gave him food & today he gifted me a book

"How to Cook"

[vinay kumar]

Unki Muskan hamari Kamjori hai

Unhe kuch kah na pana Hamari Majburi hai

Woh kyo nahe samjhte Hamari Khamoshi ko

Kya Khamoshi ko Juban dena Jaruri hai

[vinay kumar]

Teacher asks students about sound made by animals

Teacher: dog

Student : bark

Teacher : cat

Student : meow

Teacher : lion

Student : aah aah F*** me

Teacher : I said lion not "leone"

Student : oh Teri

[vinay kumar]

Do Ankho Ki Kashish Ek Arman Ban Gyi

Majburiya Hmari Ishq Me Iljam ban Gyi

Wo Aaye Kuch Pal k Liye Zindgi me,Fir Unki Yade hi Hmari Jaan Ban Gyi...$Z$..

[vinay kumar]

Zindagi Me

"GIRL Friend"

Banana Bhi Bahut Zaruri He

Pucho Kyu?

Kyuki,

Zindagi Me

KHUSHIYAN

Hi Sab Kuch Nahi Hoti,

Tension Bhi Zaruri He !!.

[vinay kumar]

Woh ladai hi Kya jisme do-char galliya na ho..

Aur

Woh sasural hi kya jisme

do-char salliya na ho.

[vinay kumar]

For a Gud Relation of LifeTime Think Of This.

"Dont Ever Forget The Little KindNess Of Anyone

&

Dont Remember The Small Faults Of Anyone"...:-)

[vinay kumar]

Sardar shampoo ko sir k sath kandho pe bhi laga rha tha

Wife ne pucha-kandho pe shmp00 q laga rahe ho?

Sardar-bewkuf ye koi aam shampoo nhi

Head & Shoulder hai.:p

[vinay kumar]

MUST READ :D
Boy: I Love you,
tum is duniya ki
sabse khubsurat ladki ho
.

.
Girl: Par tumare piche toh
mujhse bhi zyada khubsurat
ladki khadi
hai.
.
Ladke ne mud kar dekha toh
waha koi nahi tha.
.
Girl: Agar tum mujhse sachha
pyaar karte toh kabhi mud kar
nahi dekhte..
"I HATE YOU"
Moral: Moral woral kuch nahi,
bas
ladki zara tez nikali.
.
"Par Baat abhi baaki hai mere
doston"
Boy: Jaise tumari marzi, but ab
ye
diamond ring main kise
dunga......??
Girl: Lo! Ab main apne jaanu
ke
saath mazak bhi nahi kar sakti
kyaa........?? :p
Ladki ne ring box main dekha.
.
Girl: Ye to khaali hai...
Boy: Agar tum mujhse sacha
pyaar karti to kabhi verify
nahi
karti ke is me ring hai ke
nahi....??"
I HATE YOU"
Moral: Ladki Jitni Tez Hoti Hai
Utni
Hi Tez Uski Watt Bhi Lagti
Hai..!! :D

[vinay kumar]

DEDICATED TO ALL BOYS
..
..
..
Ladke Pagal Ho Jaatey
Hain Pyar Me, Baki Kasar Puri
Ho Jaati Hai
Intezaar Me.......
..
..

..
.. ..
..
..
Magar Ye Dard Ladkiya
Nahi
Samjhti, Wo Toh Panipuri
Khati
Firti Hain
Bazaar Me..
.
.
Or LADKE Pade Rehte Hain
BEER BAR Me............. .!!!!

[vinay kumar]

The Men are very Kind

& Women are very Selfish!

"PROOF" Most Women Don't Like to Help Unknown Men But All Men Are Ready anytime 2 Help Unknown Women.

[vinay kumar]

Dialogue of last century:

Mere Paas Maa Hai (By Shashi Kapoor)

Dialogue of this century:

Mere Paas Saasu Maa Hai

(By Robert Vadra)..

[vinay kumar]

Raju- papa main kal

School nahi jaunga..

.

Papa- kyun?

.

Raju- aaj school mein

Hamara wajan kiya gaya..

.

Papa- to??

.

Raju- aaj wajan kiya hai..

Kal bech diya to

[vinay kumar]

Raju- papa main kal

School nahi jaunga..

.

Papa- kyun?

.

Raju- aaj school mein

Hamara wajan kiya gaya..

.

Papa- to??

.

Raju- aaj wajan kiya hai..

Kal bech diya to

[vinay kumar]

Ladkiyan Sab Se Zyada Garam Kab Hoti Hai.?

.

.

.

Jab Unhe Bukhaar Hota He..

[vinay kumar]

Girl- teri judai me nind udti hai, chain khota hai, jaan jati hai, dil rota hai, kuch-kuch hai.

Boy- doctor ko dikha le kamini swin flu me aisa hi hota hai..

[vinay kumar]

Don't talk to me ever again. U go on your way i'll go on my way. I have no relation with U...

said by

x axis to y axis at(0,0)

Maths yaar

[vinay kumar]

Girl on Valentine Day in Card Shop.

Owner: yes madam

Girl: 1 card jispar likha ho mai sirf tumse
pyr karti hu, kya hai aapke paas?

Owner: Ha hai

Girl: 12 Dedo...:D

[vinay kumar]

What is Internet Explorer ??
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
It is a software which helps us to download Mozilla Firefox and Google Chrome after reinstalling windows....

[vinay kumar]

Girl's TOP 3 lines Meaning.. :D

1.I Miss U (Means:-Time pas nai ho raha hai.Tumhare sath hi thoda tym paas kar lu)

.
2.I M Single Means- (Mera past Bf bhikhari ban gaya.Ab tumhari bari)

.

3.Mai Couzin Se Baat Kar Rai Thi Means- (Or do bf waiting me the) :P :D

[vinay kumar]

In a Party A Handsome guy askd a gal,"r u going 2 dance?"

She felt so happy & said-"yes"

& d guy said-"dats gud,so can i hav ur chair?"

[vinay kumar]

What is the Last digit of
your Cell
number ??

1 = Cute
2 = Hot
3 = Gorgeous
4 = Smart
5 = Cool
6 = Unique
7 = Friendly
8 = Amazing
9 = Rude
0 = Attractive

[vinay kumar]

Ek Aadmi Ko Bahut Bhukh Lagi Hoti Hai, Wo Office Se Aate Hi Patni Se Puchta Hai.

Pati: "Jaanu, Aaj Ke Dinner Mein Kya Hai?"

Patni: "Jo Aap Kaho"

Pati: "Pulao Bana Lo"

Patni: "Abhi Kal Hi To Khaye The"

Pati: "To Sabji Roti Bana Lo"

Patni: "Bachhe Nahi Khayenge"

Pati: "To Chhole Puri Bana Lo"

Patni: "Mujhe Heavy-Heavy Lagta Hai"

Pati: "Eggs Bhurji Bana Lo"

Patni: "Aaj Mangalvaar (Tuesday) Hai"

Pati: "Paraathe?"

Patni: "Raat Ko Paraathe Kaun Khata Hai?"

Pati: "Hotel Se Mangwa Lete Hai Change Ho Jayega"

Patni: "Roz-Roz Hotel Ka Nahi Khana Chahiye"

Pati: "Kadhi Chawal?"

Patni: "Dahi Nahi Hai"

Pati: "Idly Sambar?"

Patni: "Usme Time Lagega, Pehle Bolna Chahiye Tha Na"

Pati: "Maggi Hi Bana Lo, Usmein Time Nahi Lagega"

Patni: "Wo Koi Meal Thodi Hai? Pet Nahi Bharta"

Pati: "Phir Ab Kya Banaogi?"

Patni: "Wo Jo Aap Kaho"

[vinay kumar]

JOKE: MAALIK: Jab main tumhe itna maarta hoon toh tum apna gussa kaise control karte ho?

NAUKAR: Apne toilet ko aapke toothbrush se saaf karke.

[vinay kumar]

JOKE: MAALIK: Jab main tumhe itna maarta hoon toh tum apna gussa kaise control karte ho?

NAUKAR: Apne toilet ko aapke toothbrush se saaf karke.

[vinay kumar]

Wife-Where the hell are u, JERK?

Husband-Darling u remember that jewellery shop where you had seen

a necklace and totally fell in love with it but then I didn't have money and had said "Baby it'll be yours one day.."

Wife-Yeh I remember my LOVE!

Hus-I am in the pub just next to that shop..!

[vinay kumar]

एक बार संता एक दुकान पर काम करने के लगा तो दुकान का मालिक उसको दुकानदारी समझाते हुए बोला;

दुकानदार: ग्राहक को कभी खाली ना जाने दो, अगर दुकान में वो चीज़ नहीं जो उसे चाहिए तो कोशिश करो कि तुम उसे दूसरी चीज़ बेच सको!

संता: ठीक है मालिक!

मालिक अपनी बात समझा कर किसी काम से चला जाता है कि तभी कुछ देर बाद एक ग्राहक दुकान में आया और संता से बोला;

ग्राहक: एक पैकेट टॉयलेट पेपर का देना!

संता: वो तो है नहीं, रेगमार ले लो!

[vinay kumar]

Santa shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will".

"That is very kind of you", said the doctor emotionally and then added, "Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change".

[vinay kumar]

Boy- kothai ja6o?

Girl- suicide korte.

Boy- tahole ei rokom makeup kore6o keno?

Girl- you idiot..! Kal news paper e amar photo berobena..!!..

[vinay kumar]

Tchr: Pappu what is ur cast?

Pappu: Phele to Hum Verma the..!

Fir Shrma ho gye.

Uske bad Sunaar fir Luhar ho gye. Abhi hai Drzi

Aage MUMY ki marzi....!!!

[vinay kumar]

Tchr: Pappu what is ur cast?

Pappu: Phele to Hum Verma the..!

Fir Shrma ho gye.

Uske bad Sunaar fir Luhar ho gye. Abhi hai Drzi

Aage MUMY ki marzi....!!!

[vinay kumar]

Katrina ki coffee me ek machchar gira,

Usne wo pee li.

Machchar k baap ne kuch kaha aur

katrina behosh ho gayi...

.
Usne kaha: Tumhare pet me mera bacha hai....

[vinay kumar]

Katrina ki coffee me ek machchar gira,

Usne wo pee li.

Machchar k baap ne kuch kaha aur

katrina behosh ho gayi...

.
Usne kaha: Tumhare pet me mera bacha hai....

[vinay kumar]

Boy 1 to Boy 2

Tum us ladki ke peeche kyu pade ho.?

Uska to pahle se hi Bf hai..

Boy 2 Smart Rply

Khali kursi par to koi bhi baith sakta hai..

Dum hai to kisi ko utha ke baitho..

[vinay kumar]

Boy 1 to Boy 2

Tum us ladki ke peeche kyu pade ho.?

Uska to pahle se hi Bf hai..

Boy 2 Smart Rply

Khali kursi par to koi bhi baith sakta hai..

Dum hai to kisi ko utha ke baitho..

[vinay kumar]

Din mein sitare acche nahi lagte,

Duniya ke nazaare acche nahi lagte

Koi jakar kahe hamare ghar par,

Ab hum kunware acche nahi lagte.

[vinay kumar]

Husband was singing in toilet: "Kudiyan nu thag le,kudiyan nu thag le".......

Wife Shouted: "kaminey pehle thik se hagg le!"

[vinay kumar]

Doctor Pagal se: Tum Pagal Q huey?

Pagal: Maine 1 Vidhva se Shadi ki,

Uski Jawan Beti se Mere Baap ne Shadi ki

Yu Meri wo Beti meri Maa ban gai

Un k ghar Beti hui To wo meri Behn hui

Magar main uski Naani ka pati tha

Is liye wo meri Nathn hui.

Isi Tarha mera Beta apni Daadi ka Bhai ban gaya Or main apne Bete ka Bhanja aur

Mera Baap mera Damaad ban gaya

Aur mera Beta apne Dada ka Sala ban gaya aur

Dr:Abey chup kar saale

Kya mujhe b Pagal krega.?

[vinay kumar]

Shohar Biwi se: Ye kya tum ek aur suit le ayi?

Abi parso hi to.. Biwi chilla kar boli: kya kaha?!!

Kya parso? Bolo

Kya kha tumne?

Kya parso, parso kya, bolo jaldi!!

Batao kya parso?

Shohar: kuch nai, mai bas ye keh rha tha

K parso b ek hi suit lyi thi,

Aaj 2 le aati.

[vinay kumar]

Shohar Biwi se: Ye kya tum ek aur suit le ayi?

Abi parso hi to.. Biwi chilla kar boli: kya kaha?!!

Kya parso? Bolo

Kya kha tumne?

Kya parso, parso kya, bolo jaldi!!

Batao kya parso?

Shohar: kuch nai, mai bas ye keh rha tha

K parso b ek hi suit lyi thi,

Aaj 2 le aati.

[vinay kumar]

Teri ek hasi pe ye dil qurbaan kar jaoo,

Aitraaz na ho agar to tera dil chura le jaoo,

Na behne du kabhi in aakho se aansu,

Tu kahe to tere saare sitam sah jaoo.

Hasta hua rakhu tere labo ko hamesha,

Chumkar jinhe woh pyaari muskaan de jaoo,

Seene se laga ke rakhu tumhe,mann to karta hai tujhme sama jau.

Sunti hi rahu tumhari dhadkano ko,aur apne dil ki har baat kah jau,

gum ko kabhi kareeb na aane du,aur tumhe zindage ki khushiya tamaam de jaoo

[vinay kumar]

:::: Height of Flirting ::-

Gal calls a boy :

Girl: Hello baby

Boy: Ohh janu bolo

Girl: Kahan ho yar subah se koi

ata pata nahi!

Boy: Are hum to khoye hue hain

aapki aankhon me..

Girl: Abhi kya kar rahe ho?

Boy: tumhari pic dekh raha hun,

kahin aur mann hi nahi lag raha..

Girl: Maine to tumhe koi pic di hi

nahi!!

Boy: Are mere dil me chapi hai

barson se..

Girl: But hum to parson hi mile

hain!!

Boy: Tumhare bina har ek pal

barson hai Pinky......

Girl: Pinky??!! Ye pinky kaun hai??

main to nisha hun!!

Boy: Tumse bat karke mai to sab

bhul jata hun..

Girl: Tum prashant ho na??

Boy: Gharwale to aseem bulate

hain, lekin wo galat ho sakte hain

tum nahi..

Girl: Ye 998XXXXXX hai na??

Boy: Ab tak nahi tha par ab se

yehi hai...=D xP

[vinay kumar]

:::: Height of Flirting ::-

Gal calls a boy :

Girl: Hello baby

Boy: Ohh janu bolo

Girl: Kahan ho yar subah se koi

ata pata nahi!

Boy: Are hum to khoye hue hain

aapki aankhon me..

Girl: Abhi kya kar rahe ho?

Boy: tumhari pic dekh raha hun,

kahin aur mann hi nahi lag raha..

Girl: Maine to tumhe koi pic di hi

nahi!!

Boy: Are mere dil me chapi hai

barson se..

Girl: But hum to parson hi mile

hain!!

Boy: Tumhare bina har ek pal

barson hai Pinky......

Girl: Pinky??!! Ye pinky kaun hai??

main to nisha hun!!

Boy: Tumse bat karke mai to sab

bhul jata hun..

Girl: Tum prashant ho na??

Boy: Gharwale to aseem bulate

hain, lekin wo galat ho sakte hain

tum nahi..

Girl: Ye 998XXXXXX hai na??

Boy: Ab tak nahi tha par ab se

yehi hai...=D xP

[vinay kumar]

Many times I have disturbed u, troubled u, fooled u,

irritated u..

Today I just

want to say

3 words

Kya Ukhaad Loge???:-);-):-P

[vinay kumar]

Fantastic meanings...

CIGARETTE:

A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other!

MARRIAGE:

It's an agreement wherein a man loses his bachelor's degree and a woman gains her master's

CONFERENCE:

The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present

CONFERENCE ROOM:

A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees in the end

SMILE:

A curve that can set a lot of things straight!

YAWN:

The only opportunity some married men

ever get to open their mouths

EXPERIENCE:

The name men give to their mistakes

DIPLOMAT:

A person who tells you to go to hell

in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip

OPTIMIST:

A person who, while falling from the

EIFFEL TOWER,says midway:

"SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!"

BOSS:

Someone who is early when you are late

and late when you are early

POLITICIAN:

One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence afterward

DOCTOR:

A person who kills your ills with pills and Later with his bills.

[vinay kumar]

A boy cals d FM Radio-I've found Mr. Shyam Gupta's wallet wid Rs15000.

RJ-So u want 2 return it

Boy-nhi Re pagle,

chala de bechare k liye koi sad song..

[vinay kumar]

Statements of ENGG.Boys, unsuccessful in making girlfrnd-

1st sem: Apni to pehle se hai.

2nd sem: Koi fresher patayenge agle saal

3rd sem: Koi Dhang ki ni hai, yar.

4th sem: Dusre branch ki ladki dekhta hu yar.

5th sem: Bhai kisi se setting to kara de.

6th sem: Koi bhi chalegi.

7th sem: Apne pass time nhi hai, last year ki pdhai karni hai, warna.. .....?

8th sem: Dekha puri Degree ho gai per maine aaj tak kisi ladki ko bhav nhi diya...

[vinay kumar]

Statements of ENGG.Boys, unsuccessful in making girlfrnd-

1st sem: Apni to pehle se hai.

2nd sem: Koi fresher patayenge agle saal

3rd sem: Koi Dhang ki ni hai, yar.

4th sem: Dusre branch ki ladki dekhta hu yar.

5th sem: Bhai kisi se setting to kara de.

6th sem: Koi bhi chalegi.

7th sem: Apne pass time nhi hai, last year ki pdhai karni hai, warna.. .....?

8th sem: Dekha puri Degree ho gai per maine aaj tak kisi ladki ko bhav nhi diya...

[vinay kumar]

Father: Raat tum peeke room mein gir gaye the.

Son: Kya batau papa sab galat sangat ki wajah se hua.

6 dost

6 bottle

Aur saale 5 peete nahi the..

[vinay kumar]

Papa- Whom u like more mama or papa?

Kid- Both

Papa- No tell me 1?

Kid- Both

Papa- If i go to America &

Ur mother go to Paris

Whr will u go?

Kid- Paris

Papa- It means u like ur mother?

Kid- No, cox paris is beautiful

than America

Papa- If i go to paris & Ur mother

goes to america so

Whr will u go?

Kid- America

Papa- why?

Kid- Paris to ghum aaye na papa

Papa- Bada kamina hai tu

[vinay kumar]

Ye baat sunke mere Haatho se Gol gappa hi gir gya..

.

Jab Gol gappe wale ne kaha-Please give ur Feedback on our Facebook Page...:D

[vinay kumar]

Ye baat sunke mere Haatho se Gol gappa hi gir gya..

.

Jab Gol gappe wale ne kaha-Please give ur Feedback on our Facebook Page...:D

[vinay kumar]

One morning a blonde's husband was watching the traffic report on TV. They were talking about some maniac who was driving along the highway in the wrong direction and disrupting traffic

He knew his wife would be on that highway on her way to work and he didn't want her to get hurt, so he called her to let her know.

"Honey, watch out this morning, there's a lunatic driving the wrong way up the highway" he said.

Sounding terrified, she replied, "It's not just one!"

[vinay kumar]

Will u be there..?

When i want to eat pizza but share karne ke liye koi na ho..

Will u be there.?

To give stupid answrs to my stupid questions like chanda mama gol kyun hota hai.

Will u be there.?

If my vehicle breaks down on the way n i'll call u n say.

Yar lene aa na.

Will u be there..?

If my heart stops n a second before i call u n say,

'Kuch kar na yaar,nahi jana mujhe.'

Will u be THERE...??

Friends 4 ever ?

Send it 2 all ur frnds who have been always very special 2 u... . .

[vinay kumar]

Will u be there..?

When i want to eat pizza but share karne ke liye koi na ho..

Will u be there.?

To give stupid answrs to my stupid questions like chanda mama gol kyun hota hai.

Will u be there.?

If my vehicle breaks down on the way n i'll call u n say.

Yar lene aa na.

Will u be there..?

If my heart stops n a second before i call u n say,

'Kuch kar na yaar,nahi jana mujhe.'

Will u be THERE...??

Friends 4 ever ?

Send it 2 all ur frnds who have been always very special 2 u... . .

[vinay kumar]

Sardars are not Fools.. Take this great eg:

Teacher: What do u cal a person who cant hear?

Sardar: U cn cal him anything, coz he cant hear..

[vinay kumar]

Sardars are not Fools.. Take this great eg:

Teacher: What do u cal a person who cant hear?

Sardar: U cn cal him anything, coz he cant hear..

[vinay kumar]

There are basically 7 TYPES OF GIRLS...

1. HARD DISK Girls:

Remember everything forever.

2. RAM Girls:

Forgets about you the moment you turn her off.

3. SCREEN SAVER Girls:

Just for looking.

4. INTERNET Girls:

Difficult to access.

5. SERVER Girls:

Always busy when needed.

6. MULTIMEDIA Girls:

Makes horrible things looks beautiful.

7. VIRUS Girls :

These type of girls are normally called'WIFE'

once enters in your system don't leave even after format.

[vinay kumar]

There are basically 7 TYPES OF GIRLS...

1. HARD DISK Girls:

Remember everything forever.

2. RAM Girls:

Forgets about you the moment you turn her off.

3. SCREEN SAVER Girls:

Just for looking.

4. INTERNET Girls:

Difficult to access.

5. SERVER Girls:

Always busy when needed.

6. MULTIMEDIA Girls:

Makes horrible things looks beautiful.

7. VIRUS Girls :

These type of girls are normally called'WIFE'

once enters in your system don't leave even after format.

[vinay kumar]

Telling a lie is a Sin for a child.

Fault for an adult.

An art for a lover.

A profession for a lawyer.

A requirement for a politician.

A Management tool for a Boss.

An accomplishment for a bachelor.

An excuse for a subordinate and

A Matter of Survival for a married man.

[Awara]

Judge: Why did you hit your husband with a
chair?"
Wife: "I couldn't lift the
table."

[Awara]

"What did one ghost say to
another?"
"Do you believe in
people?"

[Awara]

Sardar tells a girl "Come 2 my house at nite, nobody
will b there.............

Girl goes at night and there was nobody there

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Awara]

sardar : puttar dhoop me kya karte ho.
Putter : o papeji , mein pasina sukha raha hua

[Awara]

bantasingh ke 12 beto mein sirf 1 hi alag dikhta hai. Bantasingh lagate time wife ko bola : sach bol ye alag dikhnewala kiska hai?
Wife : ye hi to aap ka

[Awara]

You are one of the most CUTE persons in the world!!

Just a second, don't misunderstand.
CUTE means:
Creating
Useless
Troubles
Everywhere..

[Awara]

You are equal to sixty james bond!

How??

007 * 60 = 420

[Awara]

You are a GHONCHU..
G-reat
H-ot
O-ne in million
N-aughty
C-ute
H-umble
U-nique
Zyada khush mat ho, hai to tu ghonchu hi...

[Awara]

When ur life is in darkness pray 2 God ask him 2 free u 4rm darkness &
after if u pray &ur still in darkness
, pls pay ur
ELECTRICITY BILL

[Awara]

When things go wrong

When sadness fills your heart

When tears flow in your eyes

Always remember 3 things
1) I am with you
2) You have money
3) Bar is open, Lets go.

[Awara]

What is Short but gets longer wen u hold it?


It passes b/w Breasts, n enters in2 a hole?

What is it?










A car seat belt. But I LIKE the WAY u THINK!!

[Awara]

Wat a RIP OFF!! I saw a book in d store whose cover page read:
'37 MATING POSITIONS'.I took it home, sat in my room,opend it.
Damn it...It was a book on CHESS!

[Awara]

U are a...

B. I. T. C. H.

Beautiful

Intelligent

Talented

Cute

Horny

r u smiling now?

*YOU BITCH*

[Awara]

want u... To be with me In a nice Restaurent To have candle light dinner.... & to say say those sweet three words to U.... "Pay The Bill"

[Awara]

The time since I have met u, i have realized that a friend like you is worth million dollars...
So, if u dont mind......
Can I sell you?

[Awara]

the STARS.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Gin Liye ..?



Lo ek aur "PAGAL" , jo "DIN" me tare gin raha hai.

[Awara]

Swim on a pool, Sit on a stool, It's my request, dont marry a fool.

[Awara]

Plz don't read this

Nahi to
ho jayega
Kya?
Arre wahi
jis se hum darte hai
?
?
?
wahi jo is umar me aksar ho jata hai
?
?
?
dekha ho gaya na
?
?
TIME WASTE!!

[Awara]

Feeling bored?
Wondering, what to do?
Open the zip!
Enter your hands in between your zip..
take out your...















book from your bag and study..

[Awara]

Last night I Got a severe Head pain...
I went to the Doctor ...
He said that It would be cured If I send a SMS TO some lunatic person...
" Tell me,Whom do I know other than you.?"

[Awara]

You should always give 100% at work... 12% Monday; 23% Tuesday; 40% Wednesday; 20% Thursday; 5% Friday

[Awara]

Sardar went to meet his Chinese friend who is dieing in hospital.
Man says CHIN YU YAN and then he dies.
Sardar goes 2 china 2 find meaning of friends last words.
The Meaning is YOU ARE STANDNG ON THE OXYGEN TUBE!

[Awara]

A sardarji went to a STD/ISD/PCO SHOP and slapped the operator twice.
:-( Guess why ?
bcoz there it was written "Number dial karnay se pehele do lagae"

[vinay kumar]

You All Know KBC is Good Business, Let's See How



"You All Know KBC Is Good Business.

But Have You Ever Wondered How Well? Let's See..

Airtel Is Charging Rs.6/- Per SMS Sent For This Contest.

Assuming There Are Only 100 Entries From Say 10 Cities Of Some 20 Districts And 20 States,

6(Rs. per SMS) x 100(entries) x 10(cities) x 20(districts) x 20(states) i.e. = 6 x 100 x 10 x 20 x 20 = Rs.24, 00,000/- Rs.24 Lakhs In Just 20 Minutes (From People Trying For The Rs.2 Lakhs Cash Prize).

Imagine The Scenario If 1000 Entries Try Out From 100 Cities? The Figure Simply Grows By 2 More Zeroes And Yields A Whopping Rs.24 crores!
And It Does Not Stop There.

In Practice, It Could Be Another Multiple Of 100 Or A Multiple Of 1000 On An Average. In That Case, It Is 24 x 100 Crores Earnings In Just 20 Minutes On Every Episode! And The Prize Money: Avg. Mere Rs. 2 Crores (And From Whose Pocket?)

Smart Business By Siddharth Basu! And The Best Part Of The Above Calculation Is Just The SMS Earning! What About The Ad Money?

A Rough Annual Profit Calculation Goes Like This: (2400 x 5 x 4) (episode/ month) x 12 = Rs.5,76,000 crores.

Let Even 50% Get Dissolved In Taxes And Other Payments;

Still, You Will Be Left with (Which Includes Even The Meagre Rs.480 Crores Of Prize Money, i.e., If Êvery Episode Bags Rs.2 Crores Prize)
– Rs.2,88,000/- Crores Profit! (Only From SMS).

Therefore, A Very Simple Question: "KAUN BANEGA CROREPATI?" And Your Options Are – A) SONY TV B) AIRTEL C) AMITABH BACHAN D) SIDDHARTH BASU Computerji, Iska Jawab Bataiye....

Answer: All FOUR!"

[aspundir]

nice thread.........................

[vinay kumar]

MUST READ :D

Teacher:1 Savaal.
Ek dal par 5 Chidiya baithi ho aur
Tumne unme se 1 ko pathhar mar
k gira dia
To kitni Chidiya bachegi.?
Pappu: Koi nahi.Sab ud jayengi
Teacher: Nahi.4 bachegi
Par tumhari soch mujhe Pasand

ayi
.
Pappu: Mam Mera b 1 Sawal he
3 Ladkiya Ice Cream kha rahi he .
1st Chaat k
2nd Kat k
Aur
3rd Chos k
. Konsi Shadi shuda he?
.
Teacher(Sharma ke)
jo Choos rahi he
.
Pappu: Ji nahi Jiske Gale me Mangalsutra he
Par apki Soch b mujhe Pasand
aayi... :D :P

Thoko Like :P

[Awara]

Government Notice

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the government deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the government.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The government has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your local Member of Parliament who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)

[Awara]

A cab driver picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her.


She asks him why he is staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."


She answers: "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."


"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds,


"Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be a Catholic."


The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"


The nun says, "OK, pull into the next alley." He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy.


But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child." said the nun, "Why are you crying?"


"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and a I'm a Baptist."


The nun says, "That's OK, I am on the way to a Halloween party, and my name is Kevin."

[Awara]

The phone bill was exceptionally
high. Man called a family meeting
to discuss.

Dad: This is unacceptable. I don't
use home phone, I use my work
phone.

Mum: Me too. I hardly use home
phone. I use my companies phone

Son: I use my office mobile, I
never use the home phone.

All of them shocked and together
look at the maid who's patiently
listening to them.

Maid: "What? So we all use our
work phones. What's the Big
deal

:gm::gm::gm::gm::gm:

[Awara]

Couple silent in bed...


Wife thinks : Why is he not talking to me?


Is he thinking of another woman?
Is he seeing someone?


Don't I appeal to him anymore?
Are wrinkles showing on my face?
Is he trying to dump me?


Is he now finding me ugly?


Have I put on weight at the wrong
places?
Is he upset with my nagging? WHY IS HE
UPSET?


Husband thinks :
-bc dhoni ne last over Nehra ko kyu di hogi..?
-petrol rate kitna badh gay hai?

[Awara]

A young woman was walking along the street when she saw a ladder with a notice attached to the bottom rungs.

It said CLIMB THE LADDER TO SUCCESS.

It so intrigued her she climbed to the top of a flat roof where she found a naked man.

Who are you? She asked.

I m Cess.

[Awara]

Girlfrend Romantic mood me:- aaj ghar mai koi nhi hai, aa jao
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
chetan bhai:- tu mere ghar aaja pagli, mere ghar sab log hai
Tera mann laga rahega

[Awara]

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

"Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.


His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, “How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bit(h this time, Dave."

[Awara]

Wat a Married Man says after years of Marriage:- My Marriage is made of

Trust & Understanding,
.
.
.
.
.
.
She doesn't Trust me & I don't Understand her....

[Awara]

A Man And A Woman Were Waiting In Line At The Hospital Donation Center.
Man: “What Are You Doing Here Today?”
Woman: “Oh, I’m Here To Donate Some Blood. They’re Going To Give Me Rs. 200 For It”
Man: “Hmm, That’s Interesting. I’m Here To Donate Sperm, Myself. But They Pay Me Rs. 3000”
The Woman Looked Thoughtful For A Moment And They Chatted Some More Before Going Their Separate Ways.
Several Months Later, The Same Man And Woman Meet Again In The Same Line.
Man: “Hi There! Here To Donate Blood Again?”
Woman (Shaking Her Head With Mouth Closed): “Unh Unh“

[Awara]

If u ever find a woman who is **** , great body , intelligent, get things done on her own , drives a car well , has very lil expectations , is not materialistic n loves u with crazy devotion

Please understand that the alcohol you have consumed is of the highest quality.=D

[Awara]

Agar kutton ka t.v par 1 channel ho toh.. socho usme
serials ke naam kuch aise honge:

.
yahan main ghar ghar BHONKI
.
KAAT KHANA sathiya
.
Agle janam mohe PILLA hi kijo
.
Main KUTIYA tere aangan ki
.
ye KUTTA kya kahlata hai
.
Ek hajaro m meri KUTIYA hai
.
AFSAR KUTIYA
.
D.O.G
Is KUKUR ko kya naam du.
.
Bade DOGGIE lagte hai
.
Kutta aur kutiya hum
.
Dance KUKURIYA dance
.
Pavitra Piliya
.
Kutiya vadhu
.
Bhauk ke aaja
.
.
KUTTA WAHI, KUTIYA NAYI

[Awara]

Ladki Ke Nakhre Ki Hadd Kya Ho Sakti Hai?


Ladki Riky Doctor Ke Pass Gayi, Ladki Ko Sahi Salaamat Dekh Kar Riky Doctor Ne Puchha


Riky Doctor: “Kya Hua Hai Aapko?”


Ladki Boli: “Bas Kuch Nahi, Nazar Lag Gayi Hai. Koi Dawayi Hai To De Do“

[Awara]

Police : Where Do You Live?
vicky : With My Parents.
Police : Where Do Your Parents Live?
vicky : With Me.
Police : Where Do You All Live?
vicky : Together.
Police : Where Is Your House?
vicky : Next To My Neighbors House.
Police : Where Is Your Neighbors House?
vicky: If I Tell You , You Won't Believe Me.
Police : Tell Me.
vicky : Next To Mine.

[Awara]

Nurse to Vicky bhai: Breathe deeply
in and slowly exhale, do it 3
times.
.
vicky: ok
.
Nurse: What do u feel
now....??
.
vicky bhai: Ur BODY SPRAY is simply
superb babe

[Awara]

Girlfrnd to albert pinto - : I am Pregnant..


AP : R u Sure , Ye mera Baccha Hai..


Girlfriend Rone Lagi aur Boli :


" Yaar Sab Aise Hi Kahenge to Kaise CHalega ??"

Alberto bhai :surprise::surprise::surprise:

[Awara]

Question. What's the full from of C.O.N.D.O.M?

Confidential Ornament Needed for Domestic Occasion before Marriage.

[Awara]

Kal Sakshi ne Karwa chauth ka vrat rakha.

Dhoni se boli, Darling Ek gaana sunao na.

Dhoni: Gaana aur main? Nahi gaunga.
Sakshi: mai tumhare liye pure din bhookhi rah sakti hoon aur tum gaana bhi nahi ga sakte.

Dhoni: accha suno phir.

Dhoni: Bade acche lagte hain.......

Sakshi: kya

Dhoni: Ye dharti

Sakshi: aur?

Dhoni: ye Nadiya.......

Sakshi: aur?

Dhoni: ye Raina...........

Sakshi: rahne do, yahan bhi tumko Raina hi accha lagata hai

[Awara]

Log kehte hai
'Sabbra ka fal meetha hota hai'
Yeh sach hai
'Sab-BRA ka fal meetha hota hai'

[Awara]

Zindagi ki race mein agar sab se 1st aana chahte ho to..

.
.
Uska ek hi secret hai

.
.
Kisi ko batana mat plz
.
.
Akele bhago.

[Awara]

THINKING OF BOYS N GIRLZ IN FIRST MEET:P

Girl: kitna seedha h..!
boy: kya maal h..!
...
...
girl: nice behaviour..!
boy: kash pat jaye..!
..
...
girl: dresing sense zabardast h..!
boy: skirt, top mein or hot lagegi..!
...
....
Girl: agr razi ho gya toh isi seshadi krungi..!
Boy: bs 1 bar han krde iski leke chhhod(leave) dunga

[Awara]

Height of KAMINAPAN
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Girl: Will you love me after
marriage also .....??
.
.
Boy: This depends on your
husband, if he allows
me...:P

[Awara]

Why gujjus do well in any field.....
Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe.

5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Mr. Patel.

Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave.

2000 people leave the room.

Mr. Patel says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try'

Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people may leave.
2000 people leave the room.

Mr. Patel says to himself ' I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays.............

Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave.
500 people leave the room.

Mr. Patel says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room..

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave.

498 people leave the room.

Mr.Patel says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?'
So he stays and finds himself with One other candidate. Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.'

Calmly, Mr. Patel turns to the other candidate and says,
`Kem chho ?
... The other candidate answers 'ekdam majaa maa

[Awara]

American: Oh God Give me a room full of gold.
Russian: Oh God! Give me a room full of diamonds.
Indian: Oh God! Give me keys of both the rooms.

[Awara]

Sardar Pathan se- Aap ki kitni Biwi hai?
Pathan- 6.
Sardar- Acha Acha, Sunday off rakhte honge?
Pathan- Sunday ko mera sala aata hai.. 6 din Namkeen 1 din Meetha...

[Awara]

Wife: Dear kya main tumhare sapnon me aati hoon?

veeru paji: Nahi

Wife: Kyooon?

veeru paji: Main "Hanuman Chalisa" padh K sota hu

[Awara]

veeru paji to shaan:
vpg:beta shaan jo mummy ka sabhi baat manta hai usse kya kehte hai

shaan:unhe papa keht hai

[Awara]

2008: 'The Dark Knight' released and Obama became 'The President' of USA

2012: 'The Dark Knight Rises' released and Obama has been re-elected as 'The President'.

[Awara]

Smart Husband:

I sent a text to my wife last night, "Hi babe I'm at the pub with some lads, please try and wash all my dirty clothes and make sure you prepare my favourite dish before I return."

I sent another text, "Babe I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary at the end of the month I'm getting you a new car"

She text back,"Omg really?"

I replied, "No I just wanted to make sure you got my first message."

[Awara]

Question:- Whats the difference
between Richard Branson & Vijay
Mallya???
Answer:- Richard Branson’s airline
is "Virgin" & Vijay Mallya’s airline is
f***ed.

[Awara]

Bohot saal pahele ki baat hain, ek jungle main ek wood cutter rehta tha. Ek din uska Axe paani main gir gaya.
Water god paani se nikal aaye ek Golden axe ke saath, Lekin wood cutter honest tha, usne honesty ke saath bataya ke ye wala axe mera nahin hain. Fir Water god ne silver axe laaye. Iss bar bhi wood cutter ne kahan ke ye wala bhi mera nahin hain ji.
Finally water god ne uska original axe laaye. Iss bar wood cutter ne kahan ki Haan ye hi mera wala axe hain. Water God ne honesty se impressed ho gaye aur wood cutter ko golden aur silver axe bhi de diye.
Ye kahani to sabko malum hain.
Pappu ko bhi ye kahani pata tha.
Ekdin usne toilet ke andar commode main baith ke potty kar raha tha, aur apne brand new iPhone 5 main game khel raha tha. ke achanak iPhone 5 commode ke andar gir gaya.
Commode se water god nikal aaye ek Golden iPhone 5 ke saath.
Pappu ko wood cutter ka kahani yaad aaya. pappu bola "Ye mera iPhone 5 nahin hain"
Water god replied "Gadhe, tera wala hi hain, pani se dho le, phir dekh"

[Awara]

Malinga's mom: beta haircut kara
lena
.
malinga: kyu mom...??
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
Malinga's mom: purane peetal ke
bartan dhone hai scrubber
chahiye
bazaar me ache nahi mile :P

[Awara]

3 Dost Diwali Ke Baad Mile...
1st :Mere Daddy 10,000 Ke Patake
Laaye,
Humne 3 Ghante Tak Bajaye,
2nd: Mere Daddy 15,000 Ke
Pataake
Laaye
Thhe,
Humne 4 Ghante Tak Bajaye,
3rd Daddy Ghar Par Nahin Thhe...
Toh
Mera Bhai 5000 Ka Sirf Ek Pataaka
Laaya Aur Saari Raat Humne Baari-
Baari
Bajayaa

[Awara]

*Extraordinarily ENGINEERING Student*

Teacher: "Do you know Avogadro's Number"?

Student: "Avogadro Ladka Tha Ya Ladki"?
.
.
.
Teacher: "Ladka"
.
.
.
Student: "Sorry Dude, Mai Ladko Ke Number Nahi Rakhta"

[Awara]

Teacher : 2 and 2 kitne hote hai ?

Pappu: (fingers pe gin ke 1-2-3-4): Mam 4

Teacher : Good, par ungliyo pe gine bina bato,
apne hath pichhe karo and batao 3 and 3 kitne?

Pappu: Mam ! six ..

Teacher : Good , par tum abhi bhi fingers pe gin rahe ho. ,

hands pocket me rakho and batao 5 and 5 kitne ?

Pappu : Mam! ELEVEN

Teacher : Get Out from the class

[Awara]

Wife: Itni Slow Awaz Mein
Kis Sy Baat Kar Rahe Ho?

Husband: Bahen Sy.

Wife: Bahen Sy Itni Slow
Awaz Mein Bolne Ki Keya
Zaroorat Hy?

Husband: Tumhari behen se

[Awara]

Agar trains ke Naam indian actress ke
Naam pe hoti toh khabrein aisi hoti ->

Aaj Bipasha overload ho kar gayi hai.

Tabbu k neeche aake ek aadmi khatam.

Accident mein mallika ki pichli bogey tabaah ho gayi hai. :P

Tez raftaar ki wajah se kangana patri se utar gayi hai.

Rakhi pe chadhne walo ki tadaad mein ijaafa.

Rani chalte chalte bandh ho gayi.

Vidya ki body change karne ka faisla.

SUNNY LEONE PAR GAIR KANUNI DHANG SE CHADHE HUE 7 AADMI "GIRAFTAAR"

[Awara]

Boy proposed a gori,

i love u and want to marry u

girl-bhai hindi me bol muje english ni ati,

boy-kuch ni didi bas dua kro petrol sasta hojaye

[Awara]

The national food of Our Country :P
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
'KASAM'

kha meri kasam

[Awara]

Being "In a Relationship" and being "In the "Hospital" is all the same...
Everyone asks -
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Serious hai kya ?"

[Awara]

3 Reactions Of A Girl Without A Boyfriend..

1) Main Nahi Padti In Chakkaro Me....
2) Gharwale Important Hain Aur unke Saamne Bf Kuch Bhi Nahi.....
3) Sab Ladke Kutte Hote Hain..


Same Girl After Having Boyfriend..




1) Yaar Pata Nahi Kaise Ho Gaya Pyaar.. Uske Siwaey Kuch Nahi Dikhta Ab Mujhe....
2) Gharwalon Ko Manana Padega Kaise Bhi.. I Can't Leave Him....
3) Wo Baaki Ladkon Ki Tarah Kutta Nahi Hai... He Loves Me Alot.........


MORAL : Ladke Ladki Ki Life Ho To Problem Na Ho To Problem.......!!!!

[Awara]

Mallika Sherawat Bartan Bechne Waali Ko
Apni Puraani Dresses Dete Huye Boli, "In Sab Ka Kya Milega..?"
Bartan Wali:
***Chammach***

[Awara]

_Height of TV Ads__
Villain Trying To Rape Girl......
But Dress Ka Button Khul
Nahi Rha......
Background Voice....:
Apki Maa Behen Ki Izzat Ka Rakhwala.
GOPAL Button Wala.......!!!

[Awara]

Ladka : Ladkiyaan Apna Dupatta Ladke Ke
Samne Aane Ke Baad Hi Kyon Theek Karti
Hain........?
Ladki : Luteron Ko Dekh Kar Hi Toh Daulat Ki Hifazat Ka Khayal Aata Hai........!!!!

[Awara]

TATA ko ab pata chala ki NANO car me 2 problrm hai.....


1. Pregnant woman car ke andar nhi aa sakti...



and



2. Car ke andar Normal woman pregnant nhi ho sakti....

[Awara]

Husband: Honey I have a problem at
work..
wife:Ur Problem is my problem..
Husband: Ok Sweetie,
Our secretary is Pregnant for Us..

[Awara]

Man to **** Air hostess:

"What's your name.......?"
Air hostess:"Miss LEEZA BENZ"
Man: Lovely name. Any relation with
Mercedez Benz....?
Air hostess : Same Price.........!!!

[Awara]

Hindi Teacher: Gaali Kya Hai.......?

Student: Krodh Ke Samay Mukh Se Nikle Ashudh Shabdon Ka Samuh Jinke Uchcharan Ke Pashchat Vyakti Ke
Hridey Ko Shanti Ka Anubhav Hota Hai.....

[Awara]

Miss : Ek baar ki baat hai,
Akbar Badshah Apne Bistar Pe
Lete the ki...
.
.
A Boy Interrupts Her
.
.
Bacha : Miss... Rahul Mere Lunch Boxko khol Raha Hai ...
.
.
.
Miss : Rahul.... Mai Thappad Maar Dungi, Baith Jao Aaram Se!!!
.
Ha toh Bachcho Main Kaha thi ..?
.
.
.
Bachche : Akbar ke Bistar Par..

[Awara]

1 kissan Luti hui izzat k halat me gaon me aaya,

Sab ne poocha-Kya hua?
.
.

Kisaan- Sahar me anaaj bech raha tha "GEHOON LE LO",
Kamino ne samjha-
"GAY-HU-LE-LO"!

[Awara]

Modernization of Girls over the
decades: 1970s: Love me, but
don't touch me. 1980s: Touch
me, but don't kiss me. 1990s:
Kiss me, but don't do anything
more. 2000s: Do anything, but don't tell anyone. Since 2011: Do
everything, otherwise I will tell
everyone that you can't do
anything.

[Awara]

Why do Bride's Parents need to pay Dowry in Marriage?


A CA STUDENT answered Coz Excise Duty on Production is payable at the time of dispatch of goods

[Awara]

Kolkata curator: Sir, what kind of pitch do you want?
Dhoni: We want a very dynamic pitch.
Curator: What does that mean?

Dhoni: It should spin when Ojha and Ashwin are bowling, be fast when Zak and Bhajji are bowling,
should slow down when Anderson is bowling, and should stay flat when Swann is bowling.
Curator: And what about Monty Panesar?

Dhoni: We are changing the rules for him, he will only be allowed to bowl full toss, we cannot afford to take the risk.
Curator: What about the English batsmen? How are you gonna take their wickets?

Dhoni: I think we are gonna adapt the strategies we used when we were kids.
Curator: And what is that?

Dhoni: For them, it will be 'ek tappa' out.

[Awara]

“Sholay Film Mein Sabse Badi Tragedy
Kya Thhi?”
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Answer: “Pehle To Gabbar Ne
Thakkur Ki Biwi Maar Di Aur Phir Bechhare
Ke Haath Bhi Kaat Diye.“
samajh me aya toh hanso,nehi toh poggo dekho

[Awara]

Once A Professor Asked His Students To Use "Luv" N "Sex" In A Sentence.

A Girl Wrote:
When Mutual Understanding Between A Boy N A Girl Increases So Much That They Cannot Live Without Each Other, Implies They Are In "Luv" N When This Luv Reaches Extreme Such That Both Feel Bodily Same, They Engage Themselves In A Body To Body Pleasureful Combat That We Call "Sex".

Boy Wrote:
I Luv Sex.

[Awara]

C.A's Wife : What is INFLATION ?
C.A : Pahle Tu 36-24-36 Thi, Ab 42-40-48 Hai.............
Ab Tere Paas Pahle Se ZYADA Hai Fir Bhi Teri
VALUE Kam Hai........
That's Inflation

[Awara]

Beti : Main Ma Bani Hu....
Maa : kamini Kaha Ja Ke muhn kala kar Ke Aai?.. Kiska Liya ? Padhne Ki Umar Me ijat luta ke aa gayi??
Beti : School Ke Natak Mee ''Maa'' Bani Hu..

[Awara]

Chicken Aisa Pakaao Ki Kachaa Na Ho.....
Chicken Aisa Pakaao Ki Kachaa Na Ho....
Muhabbat Aise Karo Ki Bachchaa Na Ho..

[vinay kumar]

ट्रेफिक हवलदार - लायसेंस बताओ!
चालक - नहीं है साब!
ट्रेफिक हवलदार - क्या तुमने ड्रायविंग लायसेंस बनवाया है?
चालक - नहीं।
ट्रेफिक हवलदार - क्यों?
चालक - मैं बनवाने गया था, पर वो पहचान पत्र माँगते हैं। वो मेरे पास नही है।
ट्रेफिक हवलदार - तो तुममतदाता पहचान पत्र बनवा लो।
चालक - मै वहाँ गया था साब! वो राशनकार्ड माँगते है। वो मेरे पास नहीं है।
ट्रेफिक हवलदार - तो पहले राशन कार्ड बनवा लो।
चालक - मैं म्युनिसिपल भी गया था साब! वो पासबुक माँगते हैं।
ट्रेफिक हवलदार - तो मेरे बाप बैंक खाता खुलवा ले।
चालक - मैं बैंक गया था साब! बैंकवाले ड्रायविंग लायसेंस माँगते हैं।

[Awara]

Modern Definitions

दिमाग : विचारों की Factory

स्कूल : 5 घंटे की जेल

Girl's College: गुलाब का बगीचा

Professior: 1 घंटे का नेता

Vakeel: गुनाहों का देवता

मंदिर : मनपसंद चप्पल का Showroom

Cinema Hall: प्रेमियों की प्रयोगशाला

बहु : सास की Zerox

शादी : बेरोजगारों की बर्बादी

मंगलसूत्र : शादी का License

जेल : बिना किराये का मकान

डॉक्टर : यमराज का Mausera भाई

शमशान : दुनिया का Last Station.

[Awara]

Tax Structure in India funny But True.

Question 1.. : What are you doing?
Ans. : Business.
Tax : PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX!

Question 2 : What are you doing in Business?
Ans. : Selling the Goods.
Tax : PAY SALES TAX!

Question 3 : From where are you getting Goods?
Ans. : From other State/Abroad
Tax : PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI

Question 4 : What are you getting in Selling Goods?
Ans. : Profit.
Tax : PAY INCOME TAX!

Question 5: How do you distribute profit ?
Ans : By way of dividend
Tax : PAY DIVIDEND DISTRIBUTION TAX

Question 6 : Where you Manufacturing the Goods?
Ans. : Factory...
Tax : PAY EXCISE DUTY!

Question 7 : Do you have Office / Warehouse / Factory?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX!

Question 8 : Do you have Staff?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX!

Question 9 : Doing business in Millions?
Ans. : Yes -- Tax : PAY TURNOVER TAX!
Ans : No -- Tax : Then pay Minimum Alternate Tax

Question 10 : Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?
Ans. : Yes, for Salary.
Tax : PAY CASH HANDLING TAX!

Question 11 : Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner?
Ans. : Hotel
Tax : PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX

Question 12 : Are you going Out of Station for Business?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX

Question 13 : Have you taken or given any Services?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX

Question 14 : How come you got such a Big Amount?
Ans. : Gift on birthday.
Tax : PAY GIFT TAX

Question 15.: Do you have any Wealth?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY WEALTH TAX

Question 16 : To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?
Ans. : Cinema or Resort.
Tax : PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX

Question 17 : Have you purchased House?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE

Question 18 : How you Travel?
Ans. : Bus
Tax : PAY SURCHARGE

Question 19.: Any Additional Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX

Question 20: Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY INTEREST & PENALTY

21) INDIAN : Can I die now??
Ans : Wait we are about to launch the funeral tax!

[amol]

What’s the biggest pressure for Pak captain when Pak needs 1 run to win in 8 ovrs, with 5 wickets in hand?
Ya Allah! How to speak English in presentation ceremony?

[amol]

A jatt wanted Rs. 10,000 badly and prayed for two weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the Rs 10,000.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, India, they decided to send it to Prime Minister.

The Prime Minister was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the jatt a Rs 500 bill. Prime Minister thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a jatt.

The jatt was delighted with the Rs 500 and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord, which read:

Dear Lord,

Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, Inoticed that for some reason you had to send it through New Delhi and, as usual, those jerks deducted Rs. 9500...

[amol]

Santa: Yaar mein apni girlfriend nu gift dena hai, ki devan?
Banta: Gold ring de de.
Santa: Koi vadi cheez das yaar.
Banta: Tan fer MRF da tyre de de.

[amol]

TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.
PAPPU : Here it is!

TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : PAPPU!

[amol]

TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I".
PAPPU : I is...

TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am."
PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet." :devil:

[amol]

TEACHER : Now, PAPPU, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?

PAPPU: No sir, I don't have to , my mom is a good cook

[amol]

Banta to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne Flag
Dikhaya, Banta: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.

[amol]

Santa proposes to a woman. She says; yes if you
bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and
disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting
crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one. He walks over the reptile,
checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and again barefoot!"

[amol]

A railway station beggar meets another beggar.A
software engineer meets another software engineer.
Both of them ask the same question to each other.
What is the question?

"So, which platform are you working on?"

[amol]

Mother : john, come here.
john : Yes, mum?
Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
john : But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother: I know that. But I am going to canada tomorrow, so I am scolding you now.

[amol]

Santa dails number, A girl receives his cal

Santa- who r u?

Girl- main SEETA.

Sants- sorry mata ji, main ta ludhiana kita c Aa "Ayodhya" mil gya

[amol]

Patient to Doctor: Aapne nurse bahut achhi rakhi hai, uska haath lagte hi main theek ho gaya.
Doctor: Jaanta hu, thappad ki awaaz mujhe bhi sunai di thi.

[amol]

Rabri: Ka karat ho?
Laalu: Ek dost ko chitthi likhat hu!
Rabri: Par tuhar likhna to aawe nahi.
Laalu: Vo sasura bhi to padhna nahi jaanat

[amol]

Teacher:"What is your name?".
Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:"When I ask aquestion in english,answer it in english."
Student:"My name is Sunlight.

[amol]

Teacher- '" sam you talk a lot '"
sam-" It's a family tradition "
teacher - "What do u mean ? "
sir- "my grandpa was a street hawker,my father is a teacher.."
teacher - "what about ur mother ?"
sam - "she is a women "

[amol]

Ladki ek paheli :
Ladki ek aisi paheli hai, kabhi teri to kabhi meri saheli hai.
Kharcha karo to bole "darling, how are you?".
Na karo to bole "brother, who are you?".

[amol]

A Girl to her boy friend
Chandni chand se hoti hai, sitaron se nahi
Chandni chand se hoti hai, sitaron se nahi
Mohabat ek se hoti hai, hazaron se nahi
A Boy to his girl friend
chandni agar chand se hogi, to sitaron ka kya hoga
chandni agar chand se hogi, to sitaron ka kya hoga
Mohabat agar ek se hogi hai, to hazaron ka kya hoga

[amol]

Once Santa & Banta were travelling along with their friends Monty & Jaggi. On a road surrounded by forests on both sides, their car was attacked by robbers. Santa & his friends were pulled out of the car. The robbers blasted the car and took Santa, Banta and their friends in the middle of the forest where their boss was residing.

Now, this boss was fond of jokes. So, he put the condition that whoever tells a joke that makes every single person laugh should be left unharmed and alive, but if one single person doesn't laugh then the joke-teller would be shot to death.

Banta started telling the funniest joke he had ever heard, "One day........." and when he was finished, everybody were falling with laughter except Santa. So according to the vow, the boss shot poor Banta.

Now, it was the turn of Monty. He also told the best joke he had ever heard. Again everybody laughed including the boss & his robbers, but still Santa was quite as a statue. So the boss shot him.

Then came Jaggi. As he opened his mouth to tell the joke, Santa suddenly burst into laughter. Everyone was puzzled. Santa was laughing madly.

The boss asked him, "Why the hell are you laughing without hearing the joke?"

Santa said laughing and giggling, "Oh! How funny Banta's joke was!"

[amol]

Husband asks: Do you know the
meanging of wife.
It means.... Without information
fighting everytime
wife says: No, it means-
with idiot for ever

[amol]

Hum to unke ghar gaye the bolne dil se dil mila lo, magar uski mummy ne darwaja khola to hum ghabra kar bola gaye Aunty ji bacho ko polio ki dawai pila lo

[amol]

maths teacher was teaching mathematical conversions.
TEACHER: if 1000 kg = ton.
then
for 3000 kgs = how much?????
santa- ton!ton!ton!

[amol]

Beti:-maa aaj gaon mein filmwale aaye hai.
Maa:-ab tu ander aaja, inki niyat bahut kharab hoti hai.
Beti:- maa,"Abhshek aur John" bhi aaye hai.
Maa:- phir to tu apne bhai ko bhi ander le aa

[rajnish manga]

maths teacher was teaching mathematical conversions.
TEACHER: if 1000 kg = ton.
then
for 3000 kgs = how much?????
santa- ton!ton!ton!


Beti:-maa aaj gaon mein filmwale aaye hai.
Maa:-ab tu ander aaja, inki niyat bahut kharab hoti hai.
Beti:- maa,"Abhshek aur John" bhi aaye hai.
Maa:- phir to tu apne bhai ko bhi ander le aa
:gm:
Amol ji, apke khajaane me se ek se badh kar ek naayaab heere baahar aa rahe hein. Khajaane ka insurance karva leejiye, aisa na ho ke koyi loot le.

WONDERFUL AND WITTY. PLEASE KEEP IT UP.

[anjana]

Ek train bohot time baad chali.
Muslim kehta: Ya Ali bla tali.
Hindu kehta: Jai Bajrang Bali.
Funny Sardar kehta: Arre Ali aur Bali, train apni nahi, saath vali chali !!!

:gm: :gm: ..........

[anjana]

maths teacher was teaching mathematical conversions.
TEACHER: if 1000 kg = ton.
then
for 3000 kgs = how much?????
santa- ton!ton!ton!


:bravo: :bravo:

[raju]

Dad :- Beta Maine Tere Liye Ladki Dekhi Hai,
Wo Roopwati Hai,Bhagywati Hai, Gunwati Hai...

Saraswati Hai..

... .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.Son :- Dad Main Kisi Or Se
Pyar Karta Hu Or Wo GARBHWATI Hai .....

[raju]

Dad- Beti ki Shadi jaldi karni padegi.. .

Mom- Ji ha,kitchen se roj GAJAR,MULI gayab ho rahe he..........

Grndfathr- Do din semeri chalne ki lakdi bi dikti nahi.

[raju]

Indian brides and their parents usually cry at the time of the wedding as if she would no longer would be a part of the family in which she grew up. The father tries to console his daughter:
बेटी तू क्यों रो रही है? रॊयेगा वह् जो तुझे ब्याह कर् ले जा रहा है!

[raju]

There is a ceremony called in north Indian weddings मिलनी, in which brides relatives, such as दादा, चाचा, मामा, ताऊ, भाई etc greet grooms corresponding relatives, embrace them and give them money. I am not sure if it's a part of Marathi, Gujrati or weddings from other parts of India. Here is another scene at a north Indian wedding:
मै मुन्डे दा मामा, कुड़ी दे मामा नु लाओ
मै मुन्डे दा ताऊ, कुड़ी दे ताऊ नु लाओ
मै मुन्डे दा चाचा,कुड़ी दे चाचा नु लाओ
मै मुन्डे दा प्रा, कुड़ी दे प्रा नु लाओ

One mentally challenged friend of the groom comes forward
मै मुन्डे दा यार, कुड़ी दे यार नु लाओ

[raju]

Scene at my brother's wedding. During the rituals, his bride's friends/sisters hid his shoes, as is the custom and demanded a handsome amount to give him his shoes back. haggling is also a part of the tradition. My wife, who was unaware of such customs, was wondering what was going on. I explained to her the tradition of hiding groom's shoes and now they were haggling about the ransom, and that they wanted a ridiculously large amount of money. She said, to the sister and friends, "Fine. You can keep the shoes. For that amount, he can buy 10 pairs of shoes".

[raju]

If drinks were named in hindi they would be like:

royal stag- shahi ghoda
royal challenge- shahi chunauti

... signature- dastakhat
blenders pride- milane ka garv

old monk- budha bhikshu
imperial blue-shahi neela

teachers choice- shikshika ki pasand
johnnie walker- chalnewala johnnie

black dog- kala kutta! :P

[raju]

Shaadi ke pehle – Agar Tum Na Hote
Shaadi ke baad – Agar Tum Na Hote

Shaadi ke pehle – Maine Pyar Kiya
Shaadi ke baad – Ye Maine Kya Kiya?

Shaadi ke pehle – Kuch Kuch Hota Hai
Shaadi ke baad – Kuch Nahi Hota Hai

Shaadi ke pehle – Dil To Pagal Hai
Shaadi ke baad – Dil To Pagal Tha

Shaadi ke pehle – Ek Duje Ke Liye
Shaadi ke baad – Sirf Bachcho Ke Liye

[raju]

A Lady On Phone:
"Hellow Minesh? Sir, I want To Meet & Talk To You.
You Are The Father Of One Of My Kids."

Stunned and shocked Man screamed:
"Oh my God! I am married and so careful with modern prevention tactics and how could this happen to you? You can ruin me"

Are you Soni?
Lady replied, "No."

Then Pramila?
No, No.

Mita?
No, No, No

Rupali?
No, No, No, No.

Sunita?
No, No, No, No, No.

Kamali?
No................................................ ...........oo.

Lady in confusion scolded Minesh:
"Sir, I am The Class Teacher Of Your Son."

[raju]

Wife comes Home late

Wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her Bedroom.

From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two.

She reaches for a Baseball Bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.

As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

"Hi Darling", he says, "Your parents have come to visit us, so l let them stay in our bedroom. Hope you said Hello to them.."

[raju]

" D.K. Boss " Gaana ( song ) you all must have heard,.. But here is the story of a Dipak Kumar.

One there was a boy named Dipak Kumar, and hence people were telling him, D.K.

Once he participated in his school's race. n'....His father also came to see the race of his school.

As soon as the race started,......... his dad started shouting,.. “ Bhag D.K. Bhag D.K.”

and,... School's principal told him,... "This is an English medium school,.. so please speak English only.”

On that,.. his dad thought a little,. and then stated screaming.....: “Run D.K. Run D.K. Run D.K.“

[raju]

A girl lost her virginity..
_
-
-
-
...-
-
-
--

-
-
-
-
-
Rajnikant Returned it!

....

[raju]

Gujju sales man went to a women under garment company for job interview.
Manager- If u answer this question right, Job is Urs !
We pack our Panties in
7- packs
5- packs
&
12- packs

Why?

Man thinks for a moment & replies
7- packs for Indian women
One for each day of d week!

5- packs for American women
One each for Monday to Friday
& dey don't wear Panties on weekends!

12- packs for Pakistani women:
One each for Jan to Dec....!


He got Job...

[raju]

A little girl was sitting on her grandfathers lap as he read her a bedtime story.
From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek.
She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.
Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?" "
Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago.
" Oh, she paused, "grandpa, did God make me too?" e
"Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."
Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God is getting better at it, isn't he? "

[raju]

Phone rings
Nauker picks up

Nauker: Hello ?

Malik: Madam ghar per hai?

Nauker: Madam to Bedroom me hai kisi aadmi ke sath

Malik: Kaun aadmi..! Mai to bahar hun

Nauker: Pata nahi Sahab

Malik: Ek kaam ker, dono ka murder ker de

Thori der bad

Nauker: Sahab, mar diya dono ko. Ab lash ka kya karu?

Malik: Ghar ke piche swining pool me phek de aur bhag ja

Nauker: Per sahab apne ghar ke piche to koi pool nahi hai

Malik: Sorry, Wrong Number

[raju]

Breakfast can be PAINFUL when,

Wife orders: Ramu, Sahab ke ANDE ubaal dena

&

Servant asks: Memsaab, Apka bhi doodh nikalun?

Wife says: Abhi nahin, Sahab ko jane Do..!!

[raju]

Judge to prostitute: "So when did you realize you were raped?''

Prostitute: "When the cheque bounced!!!

[raju]

Slogan on a MAN's T-Shirt :

Please Do Not Disturb, I am Married and already very Disturbed... :-)

[raju]

In a Grammar class :
Teacher:- "HE does not like girls"
What is 'He' in this sentence ??

Student :- Gay !!

[raju]

When Mrs. Bachchan delivered her baby, the doctor rhetorically said to her,
"Do you know that you are born in an amazing family! Do you know who is your grand father!

To his amazement, the child replied, "The geatest actor of Bollywood."

The doctor was understandably shocked and asked.
"Do you know who your mother is?"

The child replied,
"The most beautiful woman in this world - Miss World."

Aishwarya's husband could not hold himself back and asked,
"Do you know who your father is?"

The child replied,
"No Idea."

[raju]

Papa: which u like more mama or papa
kid: both

papa: no tell me 1.
Kid: both

papa: if i go america and your mother go to paris. If where u go.
Kid: paris

papa: this mean u like you'r mother?
Kid: no. Paris is beautiful then america.

Papa: if i go paris and you'r mother go amarica so where u go.
Kid: america

papa: why
kid: b'cuz i have been there before
.
.
Papa: Ullu Ka Pattha

[raju]

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.

As the bartender gives her the drink she says, "I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today."
The bartender says

"Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me."

As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says 'I would like to buy you a drink, too.'

The old woman says 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.'

'Coming up' says the bartender.

As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, 'I would like to buy you one, too.'

The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.'

'Coming right up' the bartender says.

As he gives her the drink,he says, "Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?"

The old woman replies, "Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor...

Holding your water, however, is another issue."

[raju]

Seeing a Cockroach In ur Sandwich Is Not a Problem but
.
.
.
.
.
.
Seeing a Half Cokroach In Ur remaining half Sandwich Is Definitely a Big Problem. :-)

[raju]

I asked my trainer at the gym which machine should I use to impress beautiful women...

He pointed outside and said, 'The ATM Machine'. :-)

[raju]

lady was walking down the street when she was a approached by a lady beggar asking for money.
The lady took a $20 bill out of her purse, and asked if I give you this money will you spend it on pedicure/manicure.
Don't be ridiculous the beggar replied does it look like I have nothing better to spend money on?
How about shopping? she asked.
No, the beggar said, don't you understand I need money just to stay alive.
Will you spend it on your hair? the lady asked.
Annoyed the beggar replied, No, I just need money for food and shelter.
In that case the lady said I dont want to just give you money I would like you to eat out with me and my husband tonight.
Why? The beggar asked.
Well, the lady said I think it is important for him to see what a lady looks like after she gives up pedicures & manicures, shopping, and hair appointments.

[raju]

Foreigner: Why do Indian married women have that red dot on their forehead...?

Indian husband: It's just like a Video recorder. They're recording every thing !!!!

[raju]

A newly married husband saved his wife's mobile number on his mobile as "My life"


After one year of marriage he changed the number to "My Wife"

After 2 years of marriage he changed the number to "Home"

After 5 years of marriage he changed the number to "Hitler"

After 10 years of marriage he changed the number to "Wrong Number"

[raju]

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp
as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney
during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's
credibility .....

Q: 'Officer --- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'
A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the
description of the offender, running several blocks away.'
Q: 'Officer -- who provided this description?'
A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'
Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called
offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'
A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.'
Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room
where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'
A: 'Yes sir, we do!'
Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'
A: 'Yes sir, I do.'
Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'
A: 'Yes sir.'
Q: 'Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your
life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with
these same officers?'
A: 'You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and
sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'

The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The
officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback'
line -- and we think he'll win.

[bindujain]

Only a Man knows a Man's Nature!


For Example... Customer: I need a Ladies suit.
Shopkeeper: Wife k liye chahiye ya koi achcha sa dikhaun...?

majedar hai

[raju]

This Time Chikku is a Cop

Chikku stops Mikku driver and asks for identification.

Mikku driver looks all around in his purse and can’t find her license. “I must have left it at home, officer.”

“Well, do you have any kind of identification on you?” asks the cop.

Mikku driver takes out a pocket mirror and says, “I do have this picture of me.”

“Let me see it,” says the cop. he holds up the mirror and looks in it. Then he says, “Sorry. If I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn’t have stopped you.”

[bindujain]

achchha hai

[raju]

Obama received a letter from Osama that reads

( 37OH SSV O773H )

Obama cudint undastnd the letter so he called for a meeting at the white house but no one couldn't fiqure out what the letter ment. So Obama decided to tell Nels?n Mandela abt the letter... Mandela laughed at him and said " dude u reading the letter upside down "

[raju]

Relex Singh was travelling in a crowded bus. He was carrying the passport-size photograph of his son for college admission. Accidentally, the photograph dropped down from his pocket.
He started searching for it frantically & found it on the floor below the ends of a woman's saree.
He asked her, "Can you lift your saree? I wanna take photograph"....
THE REST IS HISTORY....
He was beaten so badly that he had to be admitted to hospital. He was suprised to see Jaswan Singh on the next bed to him in a worse condition.
Jaswan explained what happened to him.
He had gone to a remote village to work. He finished late & missed the last bus. He couldn't find any hotel nearby. So he approached a nearby house & asked the owner whether he can stay there for a night.
The owner replied "I have 2 grown-up daughters. Sorry, you can't stay here."
Then he approached the next house & asked the owner whether he can stay there for a night.
The owner too replied "I have 3 grown-up daughters. Sorry you can't stay here."
So he went to the next house & asked "Do you have grown-up daughters?"
The owner asked "Why?" and Jaswan replied,"I want to stay for a night."

[raju]

What is a Mangalsutra?
It is a device to enjoy Kamasutra without condom...

What is Condom?

It is a device to enjoy Kamasutra without mangalsutra.

[raju]

Mummy: Do you know who is "GANDHI"?
Son : "NO".
Mummy: Playing only games is not enough. You should concentrate on studies too!
Son : Do you know Padma "Aunty"?
Mummy: "NO".
Son : Watching serials on TV is only not enough. You should concentrate on "DADDY" also!

[raju]

A cute Nurse came 4 the interview.
Dr: What salary U Xpect?
Nurse: Rs.10,000.
Dr was overjoyed & said: My Pleasure.
Nurse: With pleasure it's 25,000