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abhisays
02-06-2012, 11:28 AM
http://i497.photobucket.com/albums/rr332/akashkhannabond/374670_10150411267599892_657869891_8491746_5615038 32_n.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 11:28 AM
http://i497.photobucket.com/albums/rr332/akashkhannabond/381617_2533786477926_1651487650_2349353_1012281027 _n.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 11:29 AM
http://i.imgur.com/XbwMI.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 11:30 AM
Kolaveri IT Version

White-skin-client-client-
Client-heart-Black-
Issue- Issue-meet-meet-
... ... ... My appraisal dark-

Why this kolaveri kolaveri kolaveri di

" Ok. Maama.. now tune change.. uh?"

Kaila Mouse-(Di:"illa illa only English huh") Hand-la mouse- Mouse la code- Code fulla Error- ….
Empty life-project come- Life revers- gear-…
Bug bug- Oh my bug- U showed me BOW-Beer-beer- Holy beer- I want you here now-

God I am dying now- PM happy how…

This song is for IT guys- We don't have choice-…

abhisays
02-06-2012, 11:30 AM
http://i41.tinypic.com/wqog2e.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 11:31 AM
http://i28.lulzimg.com/8c91b7d54d.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 11:31 AM
http://i40.tinypic.com/1z6qz9z.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 11:38 AM
http://i.imgur.com/EcS9v.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 11:39 AM
https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/374776_262877570436950_100001441277977_765386_7024 62666_n.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 11:39 AM
http://i44.tinypic.com/14ki72o.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 11:40 AM
http://i.imgur.com/9hTZ7.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 11:41 AM
http://i44.tinypic.com/4uyvc2.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 11:42 AM
Girl calls a Boy...
Girl: Hello baby
Boy: Ohh janu bolo
Girl: Kahan ho yar subah se koi ata pata nahi!!
Boy: Are hum to khoye hue hain aapki aankhon me..
Girl: Abhi kya kar rahe ho?
Boy: tumhari pic dekh raha hun, kahin aur man hi nahi lag raha..
Girl: Maine to tumhe koi pic di hi nahi!!
Boy: Are mere dil me chapi hai barson se.. Girl: But hum to parson hi mile hain!!
Boy: Tumhare bina har ek pal barson hai ….. Pinky
Girl: Pinky??!! Ye pinky kaun hai main to nisha hun!!
Boy: Tumse bat karke mai to sab bhul jata hun..
Girl: Tm prashant ho na??
Boy: Gharwale to ashish bulate hain, lekin wo galat ho sakte hain tum nahi..
Girl: Ye 9622XXXXXX hai na??
Boy: Ab tak nahi tha par ab se yehi hai…

abhisays
02-06-2012, 11:43 AM
http://i44.tinypic.com/255o20y.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 11:44 AM
http://i.imgur.com/esc6k.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 11:45 AM
Brilliant Answer of a student which is got 0% marks :-


Q- In which battle did Tipu Sultan die?
Ans- His last battle.
__________________________________________

Q- How do you stop acid indigestion?
Ans- Stop drinking acid.
__________________________________________

Q- Where was the declaration of independence signed?
Ans- At the bottom of the page.

__________________________________________

Q- What's the main reason for divorce?
Ans- Marriage.
__________________________________________

Q- whats the main reason for compartment?
Ans- exams
__________________________________________

Q- ganga flow in which state?
Ans- liquid state.

abhisays
02-06-2012, 11:46 AM
Wife is like a TV
Girlfriend is like a MOBILE
At home u watch TV,
but when u go out u take ur MOBILE.
No money, u keep ur old TV,
got money, u change ur MOBILE
Sometimes u enjoy TV,
but most of the time u play with ur MOBILE
TV is free for life,
but for the MOBILE, if you don't pay, services will be terminated
TV is big and bulky,
MOBILE is cute, slim, curvy and very portable
Operational costs for TV is minimal,
but for the MOBILE it is often high and
demanding Most importantly, MOBILE is a two-way
communication (u talk and listen),
but with the TV you MUST only listen
(whether you want to or not)
Last but not least!
TVs don't have viruses, but MOBILEs often do...

abhisays
02-06-2012, 11:48 AM
http://i.imgur.com/9pcbb.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 11:53 AM
http://img696.imageshack.us/img696/4317/29968429292810405833725.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 11:54 AM
http://img854.imageshack.us/img854/4003/598748700b.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 11:56 AM
http://i.imgur.com/QKvTB.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 11:57 AM
http://img690.imageshack.us/img690/4099/38892817540475921981910.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 11:57 AM
http://i.imgur.com/LIiTM.gif

abhisays
02-06-2012, 11:58 AM
http://i.imgur.com/BiLja.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 12:00 PM
http://i.imgur.com/MhCd5.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 12:03 PM
‎1)NDTV- ash gives birth to a girl child

2)Star News - Aish aaj maa bani, aaiye us doctor se baat karte hai jinhone ye delivery kari,

3) Sahara news: - Aish Maa bani aur pura bharat jashn mana raha hai apni shubhkamna bhejne ke liye sms kare "454443" par,

and finally sare news channels ka baap-

4)India TV: - Aish ke bache ki aankhein Amitabh se milti hai, kya yeh amitabhh ki aulad hai, kya bacchan parivar ne sharam ki sari hadde par kar di hai, raaz khulega raat 9 baje!

abhisays
02-06-2012, 05:19 PM
http://a3.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/379954_284889504884587_100000906181973_849362_2052 858660_n.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 05:21 PM
http://a8.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/312829_288630014503584_123060284393892_951643_1811 123223_n.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 05:23 PM
http://a1.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/298606_182251328529603_170389209715815_394550_1679 68200_n.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 05:24 PM
http://a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/s320x320/311865_182802771807792_170389209715815_396555_1927 800238_n.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 05:24 PM
http://a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/388830_182427075178695_170389209715815_395137_1616 391756_n.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 05:25 PM
http://a4.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/317172_182780011810068_170389209715815_396385_7221 1083_n.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 05:27 PM
http://i.imgur.com/QALw7.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 05:28 PM
http://i.imgur.com/QGC6m.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 05:29 PM
http://a8.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/377747_10150939675740317_410797405316_21540483_196 9035487_n.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 05:30 PM
http://i.imgur.com/S5iVN.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 05:33 PM
http://img811.imageshack.us/img811/3894/558565700b.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 05:34 PM
https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/314377_154252104669242_116020405159079_275338_1669 69357_n.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 05:36 PM
http://i28.lulzimg.com/1ca23d297b.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 05:37 PM
http://a6.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/298764_315687485115323_222759144408158_1541455_135 4727422_n.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 05:41 PM
A Boss said to his secretary
"Let me have sex with you, I'll pay you $1000. I'll throw the money on the floor & before you even pick it, I'll be done."
The secretary likes the proposal, calls her man to tell him.
Her man says, "Babe it's ok but ask for $2000 and be very quick to pick the money."
After 7hrs, the man calls his girlfriend to ask what had happened.
The girl says,
"The bastard used coins. I'm still picking and he's still f*ckin me "

abhisays
02-06-2012, 05:43 PM
http://i.imgur.com/XaxcN.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 05:43 PM
http://i.imgur.com/ZG7G7.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 05:44 PM
http://i.imgur.com/SRagh.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 05:44 PM
http://i28.lulzimg.com/2f5a8e345b.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 05:45 PM
http://a2.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/300699_10150275602544567_99488014566_6871119_38102 1557_n.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 05:48 PM
Teacher .. home work kyun nahin kia

Stdnt : bijli nahin thi

Teacher : to mom batti jala lete

Stdnt : sir machis nahi thi .

Teacher : machis kyun nahin thi

Stdnt : Masjid mein rakhi thi

Teacher : to wahan se le aate

Stdnt : sir nahaya hua nahin tha

Teacher : nahaye kyun nahin thy

Stdnt : sir pani nahin tha

Teacher : pani kyun nahin tha ??

Stdnt : sir motor nahi chal rahi thi .

Teacher : ullu k pattay motor kyun nahin chal rahi thi ???

Stdnt : pagal k bache bataya to hai bijli nahin thi

abhisays
02-06-2012, 05:48 PM
26 Jan 2001: Gujarat Earthquake
26 Dec 2004: Indian Ocean Tsunami !
26 July 2005: Flood in Mumbai !
26 Nov 2008: Terror attack in Mumbai !

26 Oct 2011: Ra.one

abhisays
02-06-2012, 05:49 PM
http://i.imgur.com/KLGRf.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 05:50 PM
http://i.imgur.com/5BjvE.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 05:50 PM
http://i.imgur.com/CReYN.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 05:52 PM
https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/316682_10150433284335479_585120478_10690562_164442 1126_n.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 05:53 PM
http://www.damnlol.com/i/786dbd5c8b9260a3fb020fd588972a3e.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 05:54 PM
http://www.damnlol.com/i/2820c18f373ea6c9d3f7db7c32d94650.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 05:54 PM
http://www.damnlol.com/i/e84838eb631d741891e42320eb249088.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 05:55 PM
http://a7.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/s720x720/317005_2485150644342_1119919287_32940123_335329009 _n.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 05:56 PM
http://a8.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/299019_2556375026115_1156155722_33062901_121548781 9_n.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 05:56 PM
http://a2.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/302422_168139279944735_100002459928360_323563_1234 881996_n.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 05:58 PM
http://i42.tinypic.com/2nsrtxw.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 05:59 PM
http://i28.lulzimg.com/3e0c41cbf2.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 05:59 PM
http://i.imgur.com/DfuRR.png

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:05 PM
http://a8.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/s320x320/306418_289012161122600_100000414549841_1061336_840 924902_n.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:05 PM
http://a6.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/392812_281072808580288_100000327140088_920665_1563 536918_n.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:06 PM
http://i40.tinypic.com/15cn37t.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:08 PM
https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/298085_229869793742447_130745980321496_658161_1329 118952_n.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:08 PM
http://i28.lulzimg.com/132f9ae0c2.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:09 PM
http://i28.lulzimg.com/1ae7899720.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:11 PM
http://i.imgur.com/PKciu.png

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:12 PM
https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/295917_292420887443497_130552990296955_1140754_970 699535_n.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:12 PM
http://a2.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/296049_10150515117727926_673447925_11378740_212597 6465_n.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:13 PM
http://i44.tinypic.com/k0n3fn.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:14 PM
http://i.imgur.com/nZE4o.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:18 PM
Actual conversation after 3rd ODI between India-Pak played in Lahore Paskistan on 13 Feb 2006
Rameez: So Inzy, disappointed with your performance today?
Inzy: Bismilla-e-rehman-e-rahim. Thank you allah.ya the indian batsman is play very good today. we is try very hard but is not win the game.
Rameez: Any words for Dhoni?
Inzy: Ya dhoni is play very well. He is hit his shot very hard in our gaps. In start, we is protect our gaps very well. the grass is also thick.. but dhoni is split our gaps with his bat.
Rameez: Another ordinary bowling performance?
Inzy: Ya our balls is loose. the bowler is went for many run. Asif is bowled well. Also, after some shots the ball is out of shape. umpire is not give another ball.. it is tough to play with one ball.
Rameez: Dropped catches.. did that prove costly?
Inzy: ya the ball is not stick to our hands. we is practice a lot sticking our bat in our hands.. but now we is more practice sticking balls in our hands.
Rameez: Any plans for the next match?
Inzy: ya India is on top but we is try to bounce on our back. Insha allah we is play better.
Rameez: All the best Inzy
Inzy: Thank is you

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:21 PM
http://a8.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/313177_208892289183702_160433710696227_511336_1069 916730_n.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:21 PM
http://i54.tinypic.com/kebsxv.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:22 PM
https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/306310_306186722731638_290897664260544_1425607_338 610825_n.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:23 PM
http://i53.tinypic.com/21l1mkh.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:23 PM
http://i55.tinypic.com/2e22g54.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:24 PM
http://i51.tinypic.com/2rpfqk7.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:24 PM
http://i52.tinypic.com/11gpslw.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:24 PM
http://i56.tinypic.com/juydti.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:25 PM
http://i55.tinypic.com/2j3ijck.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:25 PM
http://i52.tinypic.com/6i76va.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:26 PM
http://i52.tinypic.com/sphmrl.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:26 PM
https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/s320x320/321512_288095681214840_100000432326706_1027357_155 3449018_n.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:31 PM
3 words more Powerful than "I LOVE U”. . .

"SALARY IS CREDITED”. . .

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:32 PM
http://i27.lulzimg.com/4c40253bcc.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:32 PM
http://i56.tinypic.com/142994z.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:33 PM
From 16 to 19 years old, the woman is like Africa:
- Hot and unexplored

From 20 to 35, she is like Asia:
-Mysterious and exotic

At the age of 36 to 45, she is like America:
-Well known, but still beautiful and generous

From 46 to 55 she is like Europe
-Crossed in every way, tires, but u can still find interesting places

And women of more than 56 years are more like Australia:
-Everybody knows where it is. but no one really cares going there!

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:35 PM
A kid asks his dad how much it cost to get married
His dad replies:
"I dont know son.. Am still paying!"

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:36 PM
https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/312515_231029523618406_100001340791956_568731_7021 28847_n.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:36 PM
https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/302516_232663286788363_100001340791956_573685_1029 889706_n.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:37 PM
http://i27.lulzimg.com/9f18059547.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:39 PM
http://i51.tinypic.com/wjz86f.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:42 PM
http://i52.tinypic.com/2yv9ml0.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:42 PM
http://i27.lulzimg.com/caeda050c9.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:43 PM
http://a2.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/296839_250249338358674_100001208298659_774662_2777 49437_n.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:43 PM
Beta: Papa meri teacher kitni mast hai na!


Father: Beta teacher maa ke baraber hoti hai.


Beta: Aap to hamesha apni hi khushi dekhte ho ...

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:44 PM
Boy sends a friend request to a Girl and Inboxes her: Hey wanna be Friends?

Girl : Do I Know you?

Boy: (thinks: Abbe nahin jaanti tabhi toh tujhe add kiya taki jaan le!!)
but sayz.....Ahh..no, But that's why wanted to add u to get to know u!!

Girl : Sorry But I don't add strangers!

Boy : (again thinks:HAAN kamini...JAISE teri friend list ke har ek bande/bandi ka biodata tere paas hai!!!)
but sayz.....Oh Not a Problem...btw where are u from?

Girl : I don't share any Private information!

Boy : Badi aayi pm ki Beti...I sent a friend Request 2 u.. NOT A Marriage Proposal :/

Girl : Arre tum toh naraaz hi ho gaye..Ruko Rukona Add karti hun....(Cool)

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:46 PM
Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm.

His wife is lying in bed reading.

Man says,"This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache"

Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep."

Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:47 PM
http://a6.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/305065_251183444920617_193625767343052_708082_6093 579_n.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:47 PM
http://i.imgur.com/tLdRi.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:49 PM
A woman goes into the welfare office to try to get some
benefits. She has a person helping her fill out the forms.

"How many children do you have?"

"Ten, all boys."

"What are their names?"

"LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy,
LeRoy and LeRoy."

Isn't that unusual? What if you call them for a meal?"

"I just call 'LeRoy,' and all 10 come running."

"What if it's time to quit playing, and come in to go to bed?"

"I just call 'LeRoy,' and -- again -- all 10 come running."

"But what if you just want one of them?"

"I just call him by his last name."

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:50 PM
http://img838.imageshack.us/img838/3306/29572520281335645617218.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:50 PM
http://img18.imageshack.us/img18/5492/30131519765585030525618.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:51 PM
http://img838.imageshack.us/img838/4642/30749320341278972956218.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:53 PM
http://img64.imageshack.us/img64/8999/31066524844767160751377.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:54 PM
http://img12.imageshack.us/img12/7549/33792519057966767954118.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 06:57 PM
2 aurto ko 4 saal ki saza mili .. 4 saal ek sath jail me rehne k bad jab dono riha hui to pehli ne dusri se bola :

"Chalo ab baki batein ghar pohanch kar kartey hain"

abhisays
02-06-2012, 07:00 PM
http://chzgifs.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/funny-gifs-unexpected.gif

abhisays
02-06-2012, 07:05 PM
http://img716.imageshack.us/img716/9873/29332422629854076037010.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 07:07 PM
http://a4.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/227298_10150174529543510_743138509_6807203_7609069 _n.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 07:10 PM
http://a4.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/s320x320/314130_265147720171499_195652523787686_1052321_352 6919_n.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 07:11 PM
http://a2.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/314970_10150395935275815_634155814_10131437_857796 119_n.jpg

abhisays
02-06-2012, 07:11 PM
Biwi: Samne sharabi dekh rahe ho ? 10 sal pehele maine use shaadi ke liye inkaar kiya tha aur wo aaj tak pi raha hai...

Pati: Baap re!!! Itna lamba celebration ??

abhisays
02-06-2012, 07:17 PM
http://i.imgur.com/GYNVc.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 08:31 AM
Bhojpuri names of hollywood movies:
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE : "Eee Naa Ho Payi Bhaiya"

MI- 2 : "Hum Phir Se Kahi Ee Naa Ho Payi Bhaiya"

Titanic : "NAUKA DELE DHOKA"

Anaconda : "AADMI KHAYE WALA SAPWA"

Three idiots : "TEEN THHO BURBAK"

Ghajini : "TAKLA KE BADLA"

Superman : Sasura Humra Udi Udi Jaye

Inception : Sapaniya Mein Sapaniya Mein Sapaniya Dekhi Ho Humri Sajaniya..

Shindler's List : Sasuriye Ka Parcha

Curious Case of Benjamin Button : Ae Rajaji Humar Jindagi Ulta Ghumelu

abhisays
03-06-2012, 08:35 AM
Boy asks a girl - How many apples can you eat on an empty stomach?

Girl - 6 apples

Boy - you can only eat one apple, coz when you begin eating the 2nd apple, your stomach is not empty.

Girl - Wow what a clever joke. I ll tell this to my friend.

Next day, the girl meets her friend and starts:

Girl - How many apples can you eat on an empty stomach?

Friend - 10 apples

Girl - Kya yaar. 6 bolti to mast joke sunaati.

abhisays
03-06-2012, 08:36 AM
http://www.crazywebsite.com/Website-Clipart-Pictures-Videos/2011_New-Year-Graphics/2009-Bad-Economy-Cartoon-Comic-Strip-03LG.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 08:37 AM
Wife sendin love sms to her husband
"Babe if u r sleeping.. send me ur dreams
If u r laughing.. send me ur smile
If u r crying.. send me ur tears
Luv U"

the husband receives the sms and replies
"Am takin a dump.. what should i send u?"

abhisays
03-06-2012, 08:37 AM
Gal: U got a house?
Boy: No
Gal: U got a mercedes?
Boy: No
Gal: Hw much u get paid?
Boy: Nothing but...
Gal: there is no but, u ain't got a house, a mercedes and u are not earning sh*t, still u wanna marry me... Go live with ur mom!!
Boy: Well i ain't got a house.. i got a mansion, i ain't got no mercedes but a bentley and a ferrari, and i dont get paid... I'M CEO B*tch!

abhisays
03-06-2012, 08:41 AM
80 year old man: My 28 year old wife is pregnant, your opinion Doctor?
Doctor: Let me tell you a story. A hunter in a hurry grabs an umbrella instead of the gun. He moves into the jungle, sees a lion, lifts the umbrella, pulls the handle and BANG! The lion drops dead!
Old man: Thats impossible; someone else must have shot the lion.
Doctor: MY POINT EXACTLY!

abhisays
03-06-2012, 08:57 AM
http://i56.tinypic.com/r1hg5w.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 08:58 AM
A dude abroad on the phone with his mom:
Dude: "Mom i got AIDS"
Mom: " Don't come back here anymore"
Dude: "Why Mom?"

Mom: "If you come back home you are going to give it to ur wife
Ur wife is goin to give it to ur brother
Ur brother will infect the maid
The maid will infect ur dad
Ur dad will infect my sister.. it has been a while he forgot abt me now
My sister will infect her husband
Her husband will infect me
I will infect the gardener
And the gardener will infect ur sister
And if ur sister get AIDS, it will be dangerous, cause the whole village will be infected.
So Please for the love of God and ur village dont come back!!"

Dude: "F*ck My Life!"

abhisays
03-06-2012, 08:59 AM
http://a.yfrog.com/img611/5619/pgrnn.png

abhisays
03-06-2012, 09:03 AM
http://i.imgur.com/UD0YX.gif

abhisays
03-06-2012, 09:06 AM
http://i.imgur.com/TWwfg.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 09:06 AM
http://mthruf.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/job-fails-id-also-like-to-see-it-compared-to-actual-apples.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 09:08 AM
http://i.imgur.com/RD2Zz.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 09:08 AM
http://cheezcomixed.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/koma-comic-strip-bear-grylls-on-social-media.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 09:09 AM
Peter and Jack, are fishing overs since ages. One day on their way to fish, Peter said

Peter: "That's it, i getting married"
Jack: "What?? We decided not to get married to spend our whole time on our passion, fishing"
Peter: "Yeah but this is the perfect woman"
Jack: "How?? Is she beautiful?"
Peter: "No"
Jack: " Is she kind, sweet???"
Peter: "Nope"
Jack: "Is she doing stuffs that others dont?"
Peter: "No, no, no.. thing is, she is a woman with stomach issues. So whenever she takes a dump, she is able to make 20inches worms.... Perfect for fishing! "

================================================== ================================================== ===

13 years old kid comes back from school after his first sexual education class, and his mom asks:

Mom: "What did u learn at school today?"
Kid: "We learned how to make babies."
Mom:" Awesome, so tell me all you learned regarding that"

The dad comes home later at night and asks the same question as the mom
Son: "We learned how to have sex!"
The dad furious sent him to his room. His wife then tell the dad to go and apologize kid learned it at school today.

The dad goes to his son's room and finds him fapping!
Dad: " Well, when you done with your homework, come see me!"

================================================== ================================================== ====

David comes back home from school with a note from his instructor. The note says
"David seems to have difficulties differentiating between girls and boys. I suggest you explain that to him."
David's mom after reading the note, takes him to her room.
Mom: "David, take my dress off".... David unhooks the dress and remove it
Mom: "Now remove my bra".... David removes the bra..
Mom: "Ok.. now remove my panty".... David takes off her panty
Mom: "Well, now David you have to promise me never to wear my clothes to go to school again!"

================================================== ================================================== =====

Kevin and his dad in the metro. Kevin sees a coin on the floor and picks it up. His dad then tells him
Dad: "Kevin, you shouldn't pick up thing from the ground"

The next day, Kevin, his dad and his grand mother in the metro, when suddenly his granny falls. Hi dad all furious
Dad: "Kevin, what you doing??? Help you granny!!! "
Kevin: "You said yourself not to pick things from the ground!"

================================================== ================================================== =====

Jason comes back from school all worked up and tells his dad:
Jason: "Dad dont wake me up tomorow for school"
Dad: '"Why?"
Jason: "Our teacher is a liar, day before yesterday he said 5+4=9, yesterday he said 6+3=9, and today he comes and says 7+2=9!"
Dad: "You are totally right son, you can't learn from people who lies so much!"

abhisays
03-06-2012, 09:10 AM
http://img241.imageshack.us/img241/5624/cartoonfk8.gif

abhisays
03-06-2012, 09:11 AM
http://cdn-www.i-am-bored.com/media/celebsaskidsstrip.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 09:21 AM
Two friends Couples playing poker when Peter drops one card.
He bend under the table to pick up his card when he noticed that Jessica, the wife of David is not wearing any panties.
Surprised he bumped his head on the table while coming from under.
Later on Peter goes to the kitchen to get some more beers and Jessica followed him:

Jessica: "Did you see something you liked under the table?"
Peter: "Yeah... i liked it"
Jessica blinked and said:
Jessica: "Well u can have it for 100$"

After a bit of thinking, Peter accepts the deal.
Jessica then told him as David is working all Friday afternoon and peter isn't, he should come around 2pm on Friday.
Friday 2pm, Peter came with the 100$, handed them over to Jessica and they got things done as they planned.
Around 6pm, David comes back home and ask his wife:

David: "Did Peter come here today?"
Jessica: "Yeah he was here a while ago.." all surprised
David: "Did he give you 100$ ?"
Jessica: "Yeah he did" thinking that her husband knows the whole story
David: "Great, Peter came to my office this morning and borrowed 100$ from me, saying that he will stop by my house to give them back. It's good to hav honest friends"

abhisays
03-06-2012, 09:22 AM
Apology Letter.....hilarious…………………….


A School Master from a remote rural area was transferred to a new School in Mumbai. He reported for duty two days after the actual date of joining. Consequently he was asked for an explanation in writing...


Deer sur,

If small small mistakes getting inside my letter, I big you pardon, a*s I am not a good englis speaker.

This is my fist vijit to Bombai. Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly, but for the following region, too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment. I tolded I has head ache problem due to migration. Still the clerk rejected to give ticket to I and my sun.

I putted a complain on station masterji. He said I to go to the lady clerk. At first she also rejected. I then pressed for long time and finally with great difficulty she gave a birth to my sun. Anyway I thanked the station master also because he was phully responsible for getting birth of my sun.

a*s a hole it was a bhery diphicult experiment in my hole life. I hope u will look into explain my hole story after, and late me joint first. I am now ending this fastly. I am a waiter for your responsement. May God blast you!"


Yours awfully,
RAMKHILAWAN YADAV

abhisays
03-06-2012, 09:26 AM
https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-BUW-iNI8-nY/TiZr2R7D7zI/AAAAAAAAAFc/WIrs6IICFpc/w389/icanexplain.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 09:26 AM
http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/funny-facebook-fails-vs.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 09:27 AM
Husband always insisted on making love in the dark. After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator. She goes ballistic:
Wife: "You impotent bastard! How could you lie to me all these years?"
Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, "I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids....."

abhisays
03-06-2012, 09:56 AM
Dad: I want u 2 marry a girl of my choice.
Son: No
Dad: The girl is Bill Gates' daughter.
Son: Then ok
Dad goes 2 Bill Gates
Dad: I want ur daughter 2 marry my son.
Bill Gates: No
Dad: My son is d CEO of the World Bank.
Bill Gates: Then ok
Dad goes 2 the President of the World Bank..
Dad: Apoint my son as the CEO of ur bank.
President:No!
Dad: He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates.
President:Then ok!
This is BUSINESS.

abhisays
03-06-2012, 10:05 AM
http://i.imgur.com/quQmK.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 10:07 AM
http://i.imgur.com/M9Ma0.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 10:07 AM
http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lns1b2Yd1a1qb5gkjo1_500.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 10:10 AM
Future News:-
1. Kasab dies at 85 in jail
2. Golmaal 27 will be released
3. Tushar Kapoor is still unable 2 speak or act!
4. Sharad Pawar owns half the world
5. Facebook is declared a country
6. A Raja does a 6G scam
7. A Girl in Delhi travels 50 feet safely
8. "Lakhshwadeep cats" 2 be the 63rd team 2 join IPL
9. Pakistan wants Tamil Nadu
10.PM says that they can resolve issues by peaceful talks

abhisays
03-06-2012, 10:11 AM
Teacher:
Main Ne Subha Ko Khoobsurat Larki Dekhi
Iss Ka Future Tense Batao?

Student:
Mai Kal Tak Wo Larki Phassa Loonga.

abhisays
03-06-2012, 10:14 AM
http://www.thedoghousediaries.com/comics/uncategorized/2011-07-15-f350e5c.png

abhisays
03-06-2012, 10:16 AM
http://www.damnlol.com/pics/158/dc60388fe9585d3252294cac5962a32b.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 10:18 AM
http://a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/261381_243019585709594_100000046629849_960906_4848 93_n.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 10:19 AM
8 qualities of a Perfect Husband

Brave, Intelligent, Gentle
Polite, Energetic, Nutty, Industrious, Sensitive

And if all else fails, read the CAPITAL LETTERS only!

abhisays
03-06-2012, 10:21 AM
Train main wife husband se boli:' Aaj suhagrat hai kuch karo no!'
Pati bola:'dekha nahin samne kya likha hai?'CHALTI TRAIN MAIN CHADNA MANA HAI.

abhisays
03-06-2012, 10:24 AM
Just now got off the phone call with a sales guy from TATA AIG Delhi,

Sales guy: Hello Sir can i speak to the owner of the house.
Me: He is in his office.
Sales guy: Can you please provide me with his name and contact number? and your relation to the owner?
Me: NO, he is at work and would not liked to be disturbed, i am his son.
Sales guy: Sir, please its very important.
Me: What is it about?
Sales guy: I am from Tata Aig and i have sme nice policies for him
Me: I dont think thats very important, but still you can try to have a word with him tomorrow before noon on this same number
Sales guy: Aisa kyun bol rahe hai aap, kya mein un se mobile baat nahin karsakta?
Me: NO you cant, he does not want to be called by random sales people at work.
*I disconnected the phone*

*He calls back*
Sales guy: Did your father teach you this manners. to disconnect important calls midway?
Me: NO, my father has taught me to disconnect the calls only when some random Chu**ya calls

* He disconnects the phone*

*calls back 2 min later*
Sales guy: aapne joh gali di mujhe woh hamare system mein record hogayi hai.
Me: Acha hai, uska cassetee banake ghar le jana aur roj sone se pehle dhyan se sunna

*He disconnected the phone again*

abhisays
03-06-2012, 10:26 AM
http://i.imgur.com/LcbGz.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 10:27 AM
Height of insult-
Professor to a student in the class- Hey wake up ur neighbour..
student- tune sulaya to tu hi utha....
**************************************
AIEEE RESULTS WERE DECLARED <<
A boy messaged his rank to his friend...
Friend replied :
'abey naya number liya hai kya?'
*****************************************
girl to her blind bf: kash tum dekh sakhte mein kitni khoobsurat hun
boy: itni khubsurat hoti toh kya aakh wale tujhe mere liye chod jate...andha hun pagal nahi..........
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After looking at her result:
Girl: Kya ?? Mai english me fail hogyi??
...
...
...
UNPOSSIBLE !!!!
*****************************************
Mehbooba ke pyar me mar gaya peter..
mehbooba ke pyar me mar gaya peter..
1 meter = 100 centimeter.
******************************************
Babulal started a college. All students were confused while taking admission
Bcoz,
Name of d college is
"Babulal's Medical College of Engineering for Commerce & arts and Science"
******************************************
Girl (Romantically) to Rajnikant- Ek chutki sindoor ki kimat tum kya jano Rajni babu...
Rajanikant-
0.00000000000000000000007892724576 Rs/gram. Mind it
**********************************************
Figure Freak Bhikharin ?
Babu Ji.... 1 Rupaiya de do.... 3 din se bhukhi hun.. ?
Babu Ji ? 3 din se bhukhi hai toh 1 rupaiya ka kya karegi ... ? ?
Bhikharin ? Vajan dekhungi ... kitna kam hua hai.... ?
********************************************
Pappu goes 4 an interview :
Interviewer - Tumhara janm kahan hua tha?
Pappu - Tiruvananthpuram.
Interviewer - Spelling bolo?
Pappu - mazaak kar rah tha GOA me hua tha
********************************************
Santa: Aj mere paas paisa hai, business hai, bangla hai... Tere paas kya hai??
Banta: Mere paas bhi paisa hai, business hai, bangla hai...
Santa: Abey saale!!! Fir hamari maa kiske paas hai??
*********************************************

abhisays
03-06-2012, 01:34 PM
http://a1.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/263421_10150224021476723_540081722_7762704_341753_ n.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 01:40 PM
40 really dumb things to do in Mumbai

1.Get into a Virar train if you are going to Borivali
2.Buy 100 buck windcheaters from Churchgate, they are all the ones recycled by the Bhandiwalis
3.Eat Bhel at Kailash Parbat
4.Call a cop ‘Pandu’
5.Argue with a Koli Fisherwoman
6.Get a 11 rupee massage at Girgaum Chowpatty
7.Bet against India in a game, Australia is the safest option
8.Buy enhancement medicines from Van – Travelling Hakims who are the desi versions of the flying doctors
9.Call up 26407383 Beanbags thinking it’s an escort service
10.Avoid asking the Sandwich wallah on Dalal Street for market tips
11.Stand in front of Amitabh/Shah Rukh/Salmaan’s house -- you look stupid and it's a waste of time
12.Go to work when a Shiv Sena bandh is on
13.Visit sleazy video parlours and get caught in a raid
14.Get excited and start jumping when someone offers you Paanch ka Dollar, it’s just a tiny 5 rupee coin
15.Go for a Shiv Sena rally in hope for a Free Vada Pav and Shiv Sena Banian
16.Call a Maharastrian guy Bhaiya, no matter how respectful you meant it
17.While commuting, don’t tease people defecating near the tracks, they throw stones back at the train
18.Hang outside the train, poles might hit you before the crowds will
19.Tease a Hijra
20.Bribe a porter to grab a seat in V.T., chances are he might run off with your money
21.Get conned at Fountain from guys selling cheap mobiles. They mesmerize and wrap soap bars
22.Pronounce Sandhurst correctly, Sandas Rd makes more sense
23.Donate money to the Crying Cab driver. He has conned thousands
24.Invite Brass Polishwalas into your house
25.Assume that booksellers in Fountain are dumb, they know their Pulitzers and Man Booker winners more than us
26.Give 100 bucks to a conductor and expect him to give you change, he will sadistically torment you till the last stop
27.Have lassi outside Dadar Station (west), they add Tissue Paper while preparing it
28.Throw stones at monkeys in Borivali National Park
29.Loiter around in Shivaji Park on Dec 6th
30.Ask for a bargain at the Maharastrian Cloth store in Dadar
31.Go for midnight mass at Mahim church thinking you can pick up girls
32.Buy fire crackers from Essabhai, Crawford Market and travel in train
33.Go to Mondegar and ask for a Jain Pav Bhaji
34.Look straight and walk, We have open manholes
35.Wear Brown Khakis shirts, People will mistake you for BMC staff
36.Ask for Warranty & Guarantee from the Mallu Electronic stalls in Fountain area
37.Search for the Kala Ghoda in Kala Ghoda
38.Ask why statues in Mumbai have one finger pointed like umpires
39.Apply Rai ka Tel on your head and travel by public transport
40.Go to Haji Ali during high tides

abhisays
03-06-2012, 01:42 PM
http://a4.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/261987_223726860991553_127263153971258_760309_3529 403_n.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 01:42 PM
http://i.imgur.com/q5vWL.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 01:43 PM
http://i.imgur.com/wm9o7.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 01:44 PM
JOB APPLICANT: 'I'd like to accept the post, sir, but the last place I worked for paid me a much higher salary.'

BOSS: 'But they didn't have a generous pension scheme like us, did they?'

JOB APPLICANT: 'Oh, yes - in fact it was much more generous.'

BOSS: 'And bonus payments and overtime?'

JOB APPLICANT: 'Certainly.'

BOSS: 'And six weeks' paid holiday a year?'

JOB APPLICANT: 'Yes.'

BOSS: 'Then why on earth did you leave?'

JOB APPLICANT: 'They went bankrupt .

abhisays
03-06-2012, 01:46 PM
http://www.damnlol.com/pics/288/58649e9e9620a2c80c7c8be9a697111f.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 02:00 PM
http://www.damnlol.com/pics/284/35d1352559f2817adb3b62ee4f999fea.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 02:01 PM
http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=16884&stc=1&d=1338714067

abhisays
03-06-2012, 02:04 PM
http://i.imgur.com/bmGEK.gif

abhisays
03-06-2012, 02:07 PM
http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llhm8tbGQn1qd7ovlo1_500.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 02:09 PM
http://i53.tinypic.com/29dk4tz.gif

abhisays
03-06-2012, 02:16 PM
http://i.imgur.com/MlsHW.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 02:17 PM
http://www.owned.lv/images/x3xe42f864e3a616f4cf934e5375f2ea604.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 02:21 PM
http://i.imgur.com/eLOEN.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 02:22 PM
How to take care of your wife:


In the world, one single rule applies to the men: Make the Woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.

Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry,

that's the way the game is played.





Here is a guide to the point system:





SIMPLE DUTIES



-- You make the bed (+1)

-- You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)

-- You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)

-- You go out to buy her what she wants (+5)

-- In the rain (+8)

-- But return with Beer (-5)

-- You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)

-- You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)

-- You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)

-- You pummel it with iron rod (+10)

-- It's her pet (-10)



SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS




-- You stay by her side the entire party (0)

-- You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)

-- Named Tina (-4)

-- Tina is a dancer (-10)





HER BIRTHDAY







-- You take her out to dinner (0)

-- You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)

-- Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)

-- And it's all-you-can- eat night (-3)

-- It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can- eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)








A NIGHT OUT







-- You take her to a movie (+2)

-- You take her to a movie she likes (+4)

-- You take her to a movie you hate (+6)

-- You take her to a movie you like (-2)

-- It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)

-- You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)








YOUR PHYSIQUE







-- You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)

-- You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)

-- You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)

-- You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)








ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION







-- She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]

-- You hesitate in responding (-10)

-- You reply, "Where?" (-35)

-- Any other response (-20)





COMMUNICATION







-- When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned _____expression (0)

-- You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)

-- You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)

-- She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)

abhisays
03-06-2012, 02:23 PM
http://chzmemebase.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/memes-w-u-mad.gif

abhisays
03-06-2012, 02:25 PM
These are real life anecdotes shared by IT people.
__________________________________________________ ___________
Bhavik

I once left home to go to the market wearing my ID card
and did not realize till my friend asked me why I was wearing it !!!!

__________________________________________________ ___________

Bhabani

Once I was flashing my ID card instead of unlocking the house door with keys.

__________________________________________________ ________

Ashok

Few days back I slept at 12:00 in the night and woke up in the morning
at 7:00 and suddenly thought that I haven't completed 8 hours and
laughed at myself when I realized that I am at home.

__________________________________________________ ________

Jyotsna

Me and my friends went out for dinner in one of the best restaurants. .
And as I finished.. I started walking towards the wash basin with Plates in my hand..
__________________________________________________ _________

Kiran

Once I was on call with my father and mom was not around.
I went on to ask, "Why is she not attending the status call?"
__________________________________________________ _______

Bipul

I don't login to orkut, yahoo, gmail, youtube, etc..
at my personal internet connection at home...
thinking it will be blocked any way.
Till I realize - I am at home.
__________________________________________________ __________

Rohit

Yeah sometimes it do happens with me also.
keeping hands in front of tap for waiting
water to drop by itself is very frequent with me.
I just forget that we have to turn on and off the tap....
__________________________________________________ __________

Nidhi

Once after talking to one of my friends
I ended the conversation saying,
" Ok bye...in case of any issues will call u back"
__________________________________________________ _________

Nisha

Sometimes when I mistakenly delete a message
from my mobile, I hope for a second, maybe it’s in the recycle bin

__________________________________________________ _____________

Nisha

I gave my office mail id and password to access Gmail and
wondered when they became invalid???

__________________________________________________ ________

Sandeep

Once I went to a pharmacy n asked for a tab....
pharmacist asked whether I want 250mg or 500mg.....
I replied 256mb....thank god he didn't notice.
__________________________________________________ __________

Ashwin

Me getting a thought of doing an Alt+Tab while switching
from a news channel to the DVD while watching TV.
__________________________________________________ ___________

Vidyarthi

And I - after a forty hour marathon in Bhubaneshwar with Powerbuilder,
decided to take a break and went to a movie. In the middle of the movie,
when I wanted to check the time,
I kept repeatedly glancing at the bottom right corner of the theatre screen!




........Dont know if they are real but a couple of them happened with me

abhisays
03-06-2012, 02:28 PM
http://i56.tinypic.com/zxpb3o.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 02:33 PM
http://images.sodahead.com/profiles/0/0/1/2/0/8/8/5/8/Conformity-20424439517.jpeg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 02:35 PM
http://i51.tinypic.com/29ff1ad.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 02:37 PM
http://img508.imageshack.us/img508/5530/sinthearmy.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 02:37 PM
http://img8.imageshack.us/img8/9370/dirtythinking.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 02:38 PM
http://img191.imageshack.us/img191/1379/vegotmale.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 02:39 PM
http://img857.imageshack.us/img857/5977/womantemptation.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 02:39 PM
http://img88.imageshack.us/img88/6972/womangolfing.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 02:39 PM
http://img709.imageshack.us/img709/7697/spermdonation.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 02:40 PM
http://img90.imageshack.us/img90/6485/att00068n.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 02:42 PM
http://img219.imageshack.us/img219/4499/checkemail.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 02:43 PM
http://img194.imageshack.us/img194/9854/clevero.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 02:44 PM
Ek baar 3 shikari aapas mein gappe maar rahe thhe, aur apne apne shikar ke kisse bata rahe thhe...

Pehla shikari: "Main jungle mein sher ka shikar karne gaya, aur meri bandook mein 2 hi goliyaan thhi aur achanak left aur right se 2 sher aa gaye"

Baaki shikari: "Achha fir?"

Pehla shikari: "Fir kya! Saamne ek pathar pada thha. Maine usko goli maari, goli ke 2 tukde hue aur dono shero ko lag gayi aur woh marr gaye"

Dusra shikari: "Huh! Yeh bhi koi shikar hai, main batata hoon. Ek baar main sher ko maarne gaya, naa hi mere paas bandook naa koi aur hathiyaar, aur mere pichhe ek sher padd gaya"

Baaki shikari hairani se: "Fir?"

Dusra shikari: "Fir kya thha. Main bhaag ke ek ped pe chadh gaya aur mera darr ke maare susu nikal gaya, aur sher uss susu ki rassi bana ke upar chadhne lag gaya"

Baaki shikari: "Fir?"

Dusra shikari: "Fir kya. Jaise hi woh aadhe raste mein pahuncha, maine susu band kar diya. Woh niche gir ke marr gaya"

Teeshra shikari: "Abey yeh toh kuch bhi nahin. Ek baar main jungle mein gaya. Mere paas koi hathiyaar nahin thha. Maine dekha ki saamne ek sher soya pada hai"

Baaki shikari: "Fir?"

Teeshra shikari: "Fir kya, maine uski gaand mein ungli daal di, woh bechara sharam se hi marr gaya"

abhisays
03-06-2012, 02:45 PM
When I was 10....
a*s meant Donkey
GAY meant Happy
STRAIGHT meant Line
c*ck meant Rooster
PUSSY meant Cat
STAG meant Deer
TIT was always for Tat
English has changed so much since then

abhisays
03-06-2012, 02:47 PM
http://img90.imageshack.us/img90/9803/bewareofdog.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 02:47 PM
http://img828.imageshack.us/img828/7812/101and102.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 02:50 PM
http://lulzimg.com/i20/e04711.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 02:57 PM
http://img853.imageshack.us/img853/9775/ohcrap.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 02:58 PM
http://img96.imageshack.us/img96/2079/theworkbreak.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 03:21 PM
http://img851.imageshack.us/img851/8862/smonday.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 03:21 PM
http://img593.imageshack.us/img593/9928/10rejectionlines.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 03:22 PM
http://img849.imageshack.us/img849/2440/911j.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 03:22 PM
http://img546.imageshack.us/img546/401/california.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 03:23 PM
http://verydemotivational.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/demotivational-posters-m-i-t.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 03:26 PM
TAX...... TAX......... TAX............ What a Great job from Govt. of India !!!!!!

1) Qus.: What are you doing?

Ans.: Business.

Tax : PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX

2) Qus.: What are you doing in Business?

Ans.: Selling the Goods.

Tax : PAY SALES TAX

3) Qus.: From where are you getting Goods?

Ans.: From other State/Abroad

Tax : PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI

4) Qus.: What are you getting in Selling Goods?

Ans.: Profit.

Tax : PAY INCOME TAX

5) Qus.: How do you distribute profit ?

Ans : By way of dividend

Tax : PAY DIVIDEND DISTRIBUTION TAX

6) Qus.: Where you Manufacturing the Goods?

Ans.: Factory.

Tax : PAY EXCISE DUTY

8) Qus.: Do you have Staff?

Ans.: Yes

Tax: PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX

9) Qus.: Doing business in Millions?

Ans.: Yes

Tax : PAY TURNOVER TAX ?

Ans : No

Tax : Then pay Minimum Alternate Tax

10) Qus.: Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?

Ans.: Yes, for Salary.

Tax : PAY CASH HANDLING TAX

11) Qus.: Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner?

Ans.: Hotel

Tax : PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX

12) Qus.: Are you going Out of Station for Business?

Ans.: Yes

Tax : PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX

13) Qus.: Have you taken or given any Service/s?

Ans.: Yes

Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX

14) Qus.: How come you got such a Big Amount?

Ans.: Gift on birthday.

Tax : PAY GIFT TAX

15) Qus.: Do you have any Wealth?

Ans.: Yes

Tax : PAY WEALTH TAX

16) Qus.: To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?

Ans.: Cinema or Resort.

Tax : PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX

17) Qus.: Have you purchased House?

Ans.: Yes

Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE

18) Qus.: How you Travel?

Ans.: Bus

Tax : PAY SURCHARGE

19) Qus.: Any Additional Tax?

Ans.: Yes

Tax : PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL &

SURCHARGE ON ALL THE CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX !!!

20) Qus.: Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?

Ans.: Yes

Tax : PAY INTEREST & PENALTY

21) INDIAN : Can I die now??

Ans : No, wait we are about to launch the FUNERAL TAX

abhisays
03-06-2012, 03:29 PM
http://www.meh.ro/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/meh.ro6672.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 03:31 PM
http://img200.imageshack.us/img200/7640/playme.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 03:33 PM
Nasbandi Ki Team Ko Dubara Apne Village Mein Aayi Dekh Kar Ek Budha Hairani Se Bola:

"In Logo Ne Connection To Pahle Hi Kaat Diya Tha. Ab Kya Handset Bhi Le Ke Jayenge?"

abhisays
03-06-2012, 03:33 PM
Santa Ek Bus Ke Piche Teji Se Bhaag Raha Tha. Aakhir Mein Usne Bus Pakad Hi Li.
Vo Driver Ke Pass Gaya Or Usko Bola – “Yeh Bus Teri Maa Lagti Hai?”
Driver Bola: “Nahin”
Santa: “Behen Lagti Hai?”
Driver: “Nahin”
Santa: “Biwi?”
Driver: “Nahin”
Santa: “Toh Saale Fir Chadhne Kyu Nahin Deta.“

abhisays
03-06-2012, 03:34 PM
Women’s Life Is Very Hard

In Morning – Wash Clothes,
In Noon – Dry Clothes,
In Evening – Iron Clothes,
In Night – Open Clothes,
Late Night – Search Clothes.

abhisays
03-06-2012, 03:34 PM
Kapil Naam Ka Ek Aadmi Fauj Mein Major Tha
Usko Log Kaafi Smart Aur Intelligent Bola Karte The
Ek Din Faujiyo Ki Ek Party Chal Rahi Thi. Usmein Ek Ladki Aayi

Usne Kapil Se Pucha: “Aap Log To Fauj Mein Rehte Ho, Desh Ki Seva Mein Busy Rehte Ho, Aapne Last Time Sex Kab Kiya Tha?”

Kapil Ne Kuch Socha Aur Bola: “1955”

Ladki Khush Hote Hue: “Wow, Yeh Toh Bahut Time Ho Gaya, Kya Aap Abhi Mere Sath Sex Karna Chahenge?”

Kapil Ne Apni Watch Dekhi Aur Muskurate Hue Bola: “Nahin Dear Abhi Nahin, Abhi Toh Sirf 2035 Hue Hai, Thodi Der Baad Karenge“

abhisays
03-06-2012, 03:35 PM
Girl: What Is Your Name?

Boy: "Black Lion"

Girl: You Are Joking, Right?

Boy: No, It Means, "Kaloo Singh"

Girl: Oh! Okay.

Boy: So, What Is Your Name?

Girl: "Soft Underwear"

Boy: “Now Who Is Joking, Huh?”

Girl: “No Yaar. It Means, "Komal Chaddha"

abhisays
03-06-2012, 03:36 PM
Ladkiyon Ki Shaadi Jab Hoti Hai To Unki Friends Unki Suhaag Raat Pe Apni Friend Se Kya Kehti Hain?

1980: Dulha Bhai Jo Kare, Unko Kar Lene Dena

1990: Jo Bhi Ho Bardaasht Kar Lena, Rokna Mat

2000: Fikar Na Kar Yaar, Tujhe To Sab Pata Hai

2010: Yaar Koi Naya Style Pata Chale To Mujhe Bhi Batana Plz

abhisays
03-06-2012, 03:37 PM
http://a7.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/200345_156816527712877_100001535910207_333991_4030 384_n.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 03:38 PM
http://img291.imageshack.us/img291/6094/beforeaftermarriage.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 03:39 PM
http://img600.imageshack.us/img600/4937/iam****.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 03:41 PM
http://img269.imageshack.us/img269/9444/illegalimmigrationbook.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 03:43 PM
http://a1.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/196506_1976107245727_1334461258_3841615_5225040_n. jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 03:44 PM
http://img153.imageshack.us/img153/9836/coupfordummies.jpg

abhisays
03-06-2012, 03:45 PM
WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:

Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another petrol station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress R5000.
Tux rental-R200.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks..
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is R180.95 for a three-pack.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original colour.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neckYou can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife..
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

abhisays
03-06-2012, 04:06 PM
http://i.imgur.com/XcSfQ.jpg

abhisays
08-06-2012, 07:11 PM
TRAVELLER IN THE FAR EAST TRIES ORDERING BREAKFAST

Note: this story is about how two people using the English language build up
a fine example of miscommunication. Read it aloud to yourself, pronounce it
just the way this text is written.
Room Service: "Morny, ruin sorbees"
Guest: "Sorry, I thought I dialled room service."
RS: "Rye..ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen?
G: "Uh..yes, i'd like some bacon and eggs"
RS: "Ow July den"
G: "What?"
RS: "Ow July den?..pry, boy, pooch?"
G: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled, please"
RS: "Ow July dee baychem...crease?"
G: "Crisp will be fine"
RS: "Hokay. An San tos?"
G: "What?"
RS: "San tos. July san tos?"
G: "I don't think so"
RS: "No? Judo one toes?"
G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo one toes'
means"
RS: "Toes! Toes!...why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we
bother?"
G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast'. Fine, yes, an
English muffin will be fine"
RS: "We bother?"
G: "No, just put the bother on the side."
RS: "Wad?"
G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side"
RS: "Copy?"
G: "Sorry?"
RS: "Copy...tea...mill?"
G: "Yes, coffee please, and thats's all."
RS: "One minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache,
crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh,
and copy...rye?"
G: "Whatever you say"
RS: "Tendjewberrymud"
G: "You're welcome."

And now with subtitles, just to be sure...

Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees"
Room service Translation (RST): "Morning, room service"
Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service"
RS: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??"
RST: "Right! Room service! Do you wish to order something?"
G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs"
RS: "Ow July den?"
RST: "How would you like them?"
G: "What??"
RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?"
RST: "How would you like them? Fried? Boiled? Poached?"
G: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry. Scrambled please."
RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?"
RST: "How would you like the bacon? Crisp?" [=kross]
G: "Crisp will be fine."
RS: "Hokay. An San tos?"
RST: "OK. And some toast?"
G: "What?"
RS:"San tos. July San tos?"
RST: "Some toast. Would you like some toast?"
G: "I don't think so"
RS: "No? Judo one toes??"
RST: "No? You don?t want toast?"
G:"I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what
'judo one toes' means."
RS: "Toes! Toes!...why djew Don Juan toes?
Ow bow inglish mopping we bother?
RST: "Toast! Toast! Why do you don?t want toast [!!] ?
How about an English Muffin with butter?"
G: "English muffin! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.'
Okay, fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
RS: "We bother?"
RST: "With Butter?"
G: "No, just put the bother on the side."
RS: "Wad?"
RST: "What?"
G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."
RS: "Copy?"
RST: "Coffee?"
G: "Sorry?"
RS: "Copy...tea...mill?"
RST: "Coffee? Tea? Milk?"
G: "Oh,yes.. Coffee please, and that's all."
RS: "One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem,
tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy ... rye?"
RST: "One minute. That's room twenty-three, scrambled eggs,
crisp bacon, toast and english muffin with butter on the side,
and coffee. Right?"
G: "Whatever you say"
RS: "Tendjewberrymud"
RST: "Thank you very much"
G : "You're welcome"

abhisays
08-06-2012, 07:15 PM
Stateforms

OK here are a few business/government terms made easy,I hope it increases your understanding of todays, technical and complex society.
FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbours help you take care of them, and then you all share the milk.
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
NIGERIAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government takes both, shoots you and sends the cows to Zurich.
MILITARISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbours decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbours pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate". The cow sues you for breach of contract.
BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheep's brains and they go mad. The government does nothing.
EUROPEAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that, it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the right to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because of bad feng shui.
TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallocentric, warmongering intolerant past) two differently aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.
COUNTERCULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like .... these two cows, man. You have got to have some of this milk. SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

abhisays
08-06-2012, 07:15 PM
The work week

Always give 100% at work.......
12% on Monday
23% on Tuesday
40% on Wednesday
20% on Thursday
5% on Fridays

abhisays
09-06-2012, 04:09 PM
After giving up 'goondagiri', Veeru has now joined an Indian body shopper and has become a Computer Consultant. Jay goes to Mausi for 'Basanti kaa haath mangane'..........
MAUSI: Bura nahin maanna beta, itna to poochna hi padtha hai ki ladke ka khandaan kya hai, uske lakshan kaise hain, kamaata kitna hai, US me masters kiya he...

AMITABH: kamaane ka to ye hai mausi, ki ek baar biwi baccho ki jimmewari sar pe aa gai, to consultant ka kaam chod kar regular employee hoga aur phir kamaane bhi lagega.
MAUSI: to kya abhi kucch bhi nahin kamaata?
AMITABH: nai, nai, ye maine kab kahaa mausi. kamaata hai lekin, ab roj roj to 'client' mil nahi sakta na, kabhi kabhi "BENCH" per baith jaata hai bechara.
MAUSI: BENCH pe bhi aana jana hai?
AMITABH: haan mausi, ab ye kambakht Computer Consultancy cheej hi aisi hai. Aur bench par to bade bade log jeseke Bill Gates, Andrew Grove, Larry Ellison bhi betha karte the.
MAUSI: to kya programmer hai?
AMITABH: chee, chi, chi, chee, chee! wo aur programmer? NAA! NAA!! wo to bahut hi acchhaa aur nek ladka hai, lekin waise ek baar kisi desi body shopper ke haat lag jaye na phir 'language/RDBMS/QA' ka kahaan hosh rahta hai! haath pakad ke 'IDMS' ya 'QA'karvaane bithadiya desi ne, ab isme bechaare Veeru ka kya dosh.
MAUSI: theek kahte ho beta, programmer woh, DBA woh, DESI ke paas kaam karta hai woh, lekin uska koi dosh nahin.
AMITABH: mausi aap to mere dost ko galat samajh rahen hai, wo to itna seedha aur bhola hai, arey Basanti se uski shaadi kar ke to dekhiye, ye 'programming', 'DBA' aur 'client ke paas jane ki aadat' to do din main chhoot jayegi.
MAUSI: arey beta is budhiya ko samjha rahe ho! apne COMPUTER CONSULTANTS ko chod dene ki aadat kisi body shopper ki chhooti hai aaj tak?
AMITABH: mausi aap Veeru ko nahin jaanti, biswaas kijiye wo is tarah ka insaan nahin hai. ek baar shaadi ho gai to wo 'PAGER' bhi rakhna band kar dega, bas PROGRAMMING apne aap chhoot jayegi.
MAUSI: hai raam, bas yehi ek kami baaki rah gai thi, to kya PAGER bhi rakhta hai?
AMITABH: to usme kaun si buri baat hai mausi, arey PAGER to PRESIDENT,VP, CEO aur unchey-unchey log rakhte hai haan.
MAUSI: accha! to beta ye bhi batate jaao ki tumhare ye gunwaan dost assal me kis company ke employee hai?
AMITABH: bas mausi, hum 'trace' kar rahe hai, original HI milte hi company ka pata chal jayega aur hum aapko khabar de denge.
MAUSI: ek baat ki daad dungi beta, bhale sow buraiyaan hon tumhare dost main, phir bhi tumhare muh se uske liye tareef hi nikalti hai.
AMITABH: kya karoon mausi, hum body shoppers log hi kucch aise hai. to ye rista pakka samjhoon.
MAUSI: pakka! bhale saari jindagi ladki kuwaari baithi rahe,lekin aise aadmi se Basanti ko nahin byahne waali, sagi mausi hoon koi sauteli maan nahin.
AMITABH: ajeeeeb baaat hai, mere itne samjhaane par bhi aapne inkaar kar diya, bechaara Veeru, na jaane ab agla client kaha milega!!

abhisays
09-06-2012, 04:09 PM
After the grand failure of epic film 'Gandhi' at the box office, Richard Attenborough appointed a committee of renowned and successful Bollywood.
It was decided that name of the film 'Gandhi' was not colourful. Following names were suggested:
Lathi Bani JWAALA
Charkha Gaye Geet Sunaye
Adventures of Kasturba & Mohan in South Africa
Khaadi Rang Layegi
GANDHI ki AANDHI
Deshpremi
Khaana Chhod Dunga
UJDA Chaman
Saabarmati ka Dulaara
Aatma aur Mahaatma
Mahatma No. I
Charkhe ki Awaaz
Goray ki **** Pe Laathi Mar
Laathi se Ajaadi Tak
Gandhi No. I
Mission Gandhi
Mei Mohan tu Kastur
Mere Mohan Pyare
Fatichaar
Kadkaram Mohanlal
Mei Khiladi, Aur Mohan Anaadi
1947, A love story
Meri Kasturba, mera Pyar
Pattgayi Kastur

It was also realized that the dialogues did not have that Bollywood fizz'. Following dialogues were suggested:
1.(Situation : First scene of the movie where Godse fires bullets into Gandhi's chest)
Nathuram : Isi din ka mujhe bachpan se intazaar tha, kamine, ab bachke kahan jayega?
Gandhi: Ye lo - tumhare saamne seena taanke khada hun. himmat hai to chala goli. Are, aisi goli ab tak nahi bani jo gandhi ka seena paarKare.
Nathuram fires...Gandhi dies on the spot.
Nathuram: Maa, maine tumhe diya hua vachan nibhaya hai. Ab tumhari aatma ko shanti milegi.

2.(Situation : Gandhi is being thrown out of train in South Africa)
Gandhi: Ye kaisa insaaf hai bhagwan? Suna tha bhagwan ke ghar der hai, andher nahi. Ab tumhi meri laaj rakho bhagwan... (His baggage gets thrown out of the train behind him. His mother's photo is smashed to pieces. Gandhi looks at the photo, slowly his eyes turn red...his voice quivers...) Yaad rakhna kutton, ek din isi gaon me aakar subko dekh lunga, chun chun ke marunga, chun chun ke marunga.....

3.(Situation : Kasturba is on her death bed, Gandhi is sitting beside her)
Kasturba: Ek vachan do mujhe, tum doosri shadi karoge.
Gandhi: Ye kya kah rahi ho Kasturi, bhala tumhare bina ji paaunga main?
Kasturba: Mujhe kuch nahi malum. Aaj ye vaada karo mujhse. Tabhi chainse marungi main.
Gandhi (tries to smile): Are pagli, is umar me bhala mujhse shadi kaunkarega?
Kasturba (laughs naughtily): Bas karo ji. Itna umar ka khayal hota to us Meeraben ke peeche pagal na hote tum...
Gandhi (suddenly realizes that the conversation is taking a dangerous turn...): Achcha ab tum baat mat karo. Doctor ne mana kiya hai...

4. (Situation : Gandhi declares his umpteenth indefinite fast)
Kasturba: Aji sunte ho? Khana taiyaar hai...
Gandhi: Maine kaha naa ! Nahi khana hai mujhe khana..
Kasturba: Dekhoji ! Khane ne tumhara kya bigada hai? Do rotiyan kha lo aur phir jaha, jana hai chale jao. Main rokungi nahi. Aur dekho aaj maine tumhare liye gaajar ka halwa banaaya hai...
Gandhi (looks tempted): Achha tum kahti ho to kha leta hun.

The committee suggested that a songless and danceless movie will never sell.
Following dance sequences were suggested:
1. A cabaret number by Huma Khan. This should be shown in order to depict the lavish lifestyle of the British
2. A Choli dance sequence (preferably by Madhuri Dixit or Urmila).The situation will be cultural festival in Saabarmati Ashram).
3. A dream sequence of Gandhi & Meeraben is desperately needed. The lyrics could be "Main meera tu Mohan..." or " Tu mera,tu mera, tu mera Satyavadi no 1."

abhisays
09-06-2012, 04:09 PM
Clinton arrives in Mumbai and he gets so impressed by Bollywood. He wants to be in Hindi movies and he starts dreaming..
Bill was in the Oval office and he started singing "Yeh Bill Na hota bechara, kadam na hote awara.."
At that moment, Lewinsky, who was passing by, heard it and responded "Bill, Dhak dhak karne laga, mora jiyorra darne laga", And Bill, brimming with thrill, rushed and opened the door and realized he is the President of the USA.
So he paused and looked at her like Ajay Devgan from PTHHT. But Monica could hear Kumar Sanu's song, and said, "Dil-Bill, Pyar Wyar, Main kya janoo re"
He gazed into her eyes like Bobby Deol in Kareeb and sang "Chori Chori jab nazzare mili, chori chori jab Bill ne kaha, chori mein bhi hai mazaa!"
Then he pulled her into his office and thought of Aamir Khan in Ghulam -"Aankhon se tune ye kya keh diya, Bill ye diwana machalne laga.." Monica picked up the cue and replied like Rani Mukherjee - "yeh kya hua, pehle to aisa hota na tha..."
Bill then closed the door with a mischievious smile and sang "Hum tum ek kamre mein band hon aur chaabi kho jaaye..." The rest is history. The poor security guards outside could only hear the full throated song from Dil Se, "Bill se, Bill se Bill se, Bill to aakhir bill hain na..."
Monica met her best friend Linda Tripp and confessed about her affair - "Mera Bill bhi kitna pagal hai, pyar jo mujhse karta hai.." Tripp recorded Monica's confessions and went to legal eagle Kenneth Starr with her cassette and screamed "Le gayee Bill, Lewinsky..paagal mujhe kar diya". Starr called Clinton and asked "Yeh kya hua, kaise hua kab hua..." But Bill cleverly interrupted and said "Oh chhodo, ye na poocho.." But Starr persisted and sang "Jhoot bole kowaa kaate.."
Now Bill was very angry with Monica and called her up.
Bill: Aye, kya bolti tu?
Monica: Aye, Kya main boloon..?
Bill: Sun
Monica: Suna
Bill: Kyon kiya ghotala?
Monica: Kya karoon, ho gayi thi kantala
Finally Clinton decided to tell Starr all, "Bill kya kare jab kisi se kisi ko pyaar ho jaye..."., to which Starr had a ready reply, "Aye Bill hai mushkil jeena yahan, jara bach ke, jara hat ke, yeh hai White House meri Jaan!"
Cut...Cut...Cut...!!

abhisays
09-06-2012, 04:10 PM
Kesto Mukherjee had a little too much to drink one day. He was driving home from the bar one night and, of course, his car was weaving violently all over the road. A hawaldar pulls him over and asked, "kahan se aa rahe ho?"
"Iiiizzzzze! daru khane se! izzzeezzzeh!" slurs Kesto.
"Lagta hai ke aapne bahot pee rakhi hai"
"Hehheha. Lekin mai thik hu!" Kesto says in his usual style.
"Lekin aapko pata hai," says the hawaldar, "kuchh der pahle pahle aapki biwi car se gir gayi?
"Iiizzzzzezzzeeh! Tab to sab thik hai" sighs Kesto, "thodi der ke liye to apne ko laga...izzzezze...ke apun behra ho gaya hun....hehhehe".

abhisays
09-06-2012, 04:10 PM
ORIGINAL:

Jab bhi koi ladki dekhon........mera dil dewana bole
ole......ole ole......ole...ole...ole.........
gaon tarana yaara jhoom jhoom ke hoole hoole.............
Ole.....Ole .....Ole...................Ole....Ole.....Ole..... ...

REMIX:

Jab bhi koi Party deekhon........mera bhooka paet bole
chole......chole...chole......chole...chole...chol e.........
khao bhar paet yaara jhoom jhoom ke hoole hoole.............
chOle.....chOle .....chOle...................chOle....chOle.....ch Ole........

abhisays
09-06-2012, 04:10 PM
When i am : kareeb
there is only : khamoshi
i want to speak : dil se
that's my kind of : ishq
i want this to be : gupt
as i always have : darr
that i will loose you : sajani
and that would be great : sadma
i am your : mr.aashique
but sometimes bit : deewana
tell me : hum aapke hain kaun
as i feel : kuch kuch hota hai
in this : duniya dilwalon ki
i told you : maine pyar kiya
may be : dil to pagal hai
because : jab pyar kisise hota hai
the whole world appears as : dushman
but anyway : pyar to hona hi tha

abhisays
09-06-2012, 04:11 PM
ROBERT : America mein WAAR ho gaya boss !!!
AJIT : Us mein kyaa rakhaa hai Bloody Fool !!! India mein roz "WAAR" hota hai. Bolo kaise???
ROBERT : nahin maaloom Boss !!!
AJIT : Arre ulloo !!! SOMWAAR , MANGALWAAR, BUDHWAAR.........

abhisays
09-06-2012, 04:11 PM
DAAN DOONG DUDUNG DAAN DOONG DUDUNG……
NOT GLASS
NOT STOLE
COLD AIR IS ALSO AGAINST US
MOTHER IN LAW
NOT GLASS
NOT STOLE
COLD AIR IS ALSO AGAINST
MOTHER IN LAW

ITS SO CHILLY TAKE SOMEBODY’S QUILT GO AND TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS
STOVE
TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS STOVE
LIT UP THE CIGGI FROM LIVER OH LOVER
THERE IS LOT OF FIRE IN THE LIVER
DAAN DOONG DUDUNG DAAN DOONG DUDUNG……
DONT NOT TAKE OUT SMOKE FROM THE LIPS DONT NOT TAKE OUT SMOKE FROM
THE LIPS THE WORLD IS VERY CROOKED
LIT UP THE CIGGI FROM LIVER OH LOVER
THERE IS LOT OF FIRE IN THE LIVER
ITS SO CHILLY TAKE SOMEBODY’S QUILT GO AND TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS
STOVE
TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS STOVE

NOT GLASS
NOT STOLE
COLD AIR IS ALSO AGAINST
MOTHER IN LAW
ITS SO CHILLY TAKE SOMEBODY’S QUILT GO AND TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS
STOVE
TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS STOVE
YEAH YEAH
NOT CRIME
NOT CHAOS
WITHOUT SIN DIED
U CALLED ME IN THE AFTER NOON
TALKED BANGALES
MASKED HIMSELF

BURN THE SMALL STOVE 4M FROM LIVER OH LOVER
THERE IS LOT OF FIRE IN THE LIVER
LIT UP THE CIGGI FROM LIVER OH LOVER
THERE IS LOT OF FIRE IN THE LIVER

NOT EVEN KINFE SHAPRPNEES
NOT EVEN PLOUGH OR PLOUGHER
BITE SO THAT IT LEAVE IMPRINTS
THIS CROP ANY FARMER VILL LEAVE
MAKE HOUSE OF CRUEL LIKE THIS CATO (billo)
MAKE HOUSE OF CRUEL LIKE THIS
CRUEL LIKE THIS
CRUEL LIKE THIS
MAKE HOUSE OF CRUEL LIKE THIS

NOT EVEN CALLED ME
NOT EVEN TOLD ME
U WOKE ME UP 4M SLEEP
I DONT KNOW 4M VER THIS FATE CAME
HE CAME NEAR BY MAKING ME EAT CARDAEMOM
BURN THE COAL FROM LIVER OH LOVER
THERE IS LOT OF FIRE IN THE LIVER

abhisays
09-06-2012, 04:11 PM
Funny email addresses of the stars…

AbhishekBacchan: I_can_act_too@yuva.com

AmitabhBacchan: accept_any_role@after.kaunbanegacrorepati.tv

AnilKapoor: expert@copyingsouthindianmovies.com

SalmanKhan: why_do_I_always_get_into_trouble@needagirlfriend.c om

ShahRukhKhan: over_emotions@mostmovies.com

RamGopalVarma: same_formula@bombayunderworld.co.in

SunilShetty: hoping_to_be@indianarnold.com

AamirKhan: whats_up_with_the_hairstyle@mangalpande.com

AamirKhan(alternateaddress): married_or_not@toomanyaffairs.com

SaifAliKhan: goofy_roles@suitsmeperfect.com

HritikRoshan: main_aisa_kyon_hoon@howtheheckdoweknow.com

HritikRoshan(alternateaddress): main_aisa_kyon_hoon@askyourdad.com

AjayDevgan: finally_I_started_to_act@aftersomanyyears.com

BobbyDeol: noone_thinks_I_can_act@getanotherjob.com

Sunny Deol: He is still busy fighting Pakistani soldiers. Mail address
is a secret.

Urmila: ramgopalvarma_has_forgotten_me@nomorerangeela.com

MallikaSherawat: I_dont_need_to_act@overexposureworks.com

AmishaPatel: Kaho_na_pyaar_hai@wasmyonlyhit.com

KareenaKapoor: oh_iam_so_cute_and_talented@nobodyelsethinksso.com

Raveena Tandon: waiting_for_third_umpire@stumped.com

abhisays
09-06-2012, 04:12 PM
Bihar Engineering College Entrance Exam Instructions


1) Read each question carefully
2) Answer all questions.
3) Time Limit 3 weeks.
4) Begin immediately.

1. What language is spoken in France?

2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions OR Give the first name of Bill Clinton.

3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to (a) build a bridge (b) sail the ocean (c) lead an army (d) WRITE A PLAY.

4. What religion is the Pope? (check only one) (a) Jewish (b) Catholic (c) Hindu (d) Polish (e) Agnostic.

5. Metric conversion: how many feet are in 0.0 meters?

6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?

7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)

8. What are people in America's far north called? (a) Westerners (b) Southerners (c) Northerners

9. Give the spellings of Bush, Carter and Clinton.

10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five.

11. Where does rain come from? (a) Earth (b) Moon (c) Sun (d) Sky

12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity? (a) Yes (b) No

13. What are coat hangers used for?

14. The Star Spangled Banner is the American National Anthem for what country?

15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium OR spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.

16. Where is the basement in a three-storey building located?

17. Which part of America produces the most Florida oranges? (a) New York (b) Florida (c) Canada (d) Wisconsin

18. Advanced math. If you have three apples how many apples do you have?

19. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corp.) stand for?

A Bihari went to a cigarette shop and asked for one Wills:
Bhai ek Will dena, so the guy selling the cigarettes told him that there is no brand by the name of Will, it is Wills, but the Bihari insisted and said I want one

Will, so the person told him unless you say it correctly i.e Wills I won't sell it to you, so the Bihari went mad and said

"Hum ek hi to maang rahen hain pura packet to nahin maang rahen hain".

abhisays
09-06-2012, 04:13 PM
Munna and Circuit Jokes


PROFESSOR
Akal badi ki bhais?
MUNNA BHAI
Bole toh pehlay date of birth bata mamu.

----------------------------------------------------------------
CIRCUIT
Aye Mamu, tereko papad aur jhapad mein pharak pata hai kya?
MAMU
Nehin.
CIRCUIT
To kha ke dekh le, pata chal jayega.

----------------------------------------------------------------

MUNNA BHAI
Mamu, apun bachpan mein dus maley ke building se gir gaya tha.
MAMU
Aarey, phir kya hua. Bach gaya ki tapak gaya?
MUNNA BHAI
Yaad nehin hai yaar. Bahut purane baat hai.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
MAMU
Oye, maar gayay yaar. Meri biwi aur premika saath saath aa rehla hai.
MAMU KA DOST
Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

MUNNA BHAI
Circuit, bole toh yeh Ford kya hai?
CIRCUIT
Bhai, gaadi hai.
MUNNA BHAI
Toh phir, yeh Oxford kya hai?
CIRCUIT
Bole toh, simple hai bhai, Ox mane Bael, Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole toh Baelgaadi.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

PRINCIPAL
Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine, 2nd time 200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.

MUNNA BHAI

Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu

abhisays
10-06-2012, 03:28 PM
1.If you marry one woman
If you marry one woman, She will fight with you.
But, if you marry 2 women, They will fight for you.
Think different. Add wife, have life

2.Never laugh at your wife's choices
Never laugh at your wife's choices
You are one of them
Never be proud of your choices
Your wife is one of them

3.A guy sitting with his girlfriend
A guy sitting with his girlfriend, drinking beer says,"I love you".
Girl asks "Is it you or the beer talking?".
Boy replies, "Its me. Talking to my beer."

4.As per research
As per research
A man speaks 25,000 words daily & A woman speaks 30,000
Problem starts when husband comes home from office after consuming his 25,000 words
& wife starts her 30,000..

anjaan
16-06-2012, 06:36 PM
http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=17249&stc=1&d=1339853776

abhisays
20-06-2012, 05:36 PM
This is my SOP for bomb blast(s) in Mumbai



React : #@$%$#@#, one more
Check Family okay?
Check female friends Okay?
Check male friends Okay?
Check if Boss dead?
Accuse Pakistan
Accuse Maharashtra Home Minister
Accuse Central Government
Update Status on FB
Update Status on Twitter
Replace my Profile pic with a blackout
Share Helpline Numbers
Share Blood Donation numbers
Retweet Celebrity Tweets
Call boss to ask whether we should cancel tomorrows meeting
If he kicks my ass, i tell others that i will work tomorrow pretending it to be "Mumbai Spirit"
Make a plan for sunday, Candle March followed by Bade Miyan & Leopold
Watch Arnab Goswami making $#@$# of himself in a 3X3 matrix covering 8 guests
Will go to sleep staring at the ceiling wondering if tomorrow will i be lucky to sleep under this ceilling or i would be burnt under the open sky

abhisays
17-07-2012, 09:07 AM
12 – RA.One Jokes

1: Govt also declared 26th Oct as public holiday to celebrate the end of Ra1 promotions…!
2: Govt of India just announced Rs 50,000 relief to all those who watched RA1 . Rs.25,000 for those who left atinterval.
3: Breaking News…! Crocin, Disprin, Combiflam, Adol Panadol, Diclomol and all Headache Tablets Stock over after RA.ONE’s release
4: Salman to SRK after watchin…… Ra.One, “Mujh par ekehsaan karna, dubara aisi movie mat banana”
5: Rahul Gandhi to meet people affected after seeing Ra.One.
6: Even Ra.mu doesn’t wanna waste time by watchin Ra.one…!
7: Nahi chala RA.ONE…! Ab SRKbolega buy one get one aur ek week ke baad bolega, RA.ONE coming soon on Sahara.One and Star.one.
8: All bachelors must see Ra.One to understand what PAIN means to married men.
9: Ra.One gives more pain than a wife – HARD TO BELIVE BUT TRUE.
10: Get RA.ONE under Lokpal bill…! Put people behind bars who made such movie.
11: As SRK hates losing & hates messages he is surely going to take a break from Twitter. Now v came 2 know why he joined Google+ before RA1 release.
12: Faking News 100 people committed mass suicide after watching Ra.one!

abhisays
17-07-2012, 09:08 AM
Have you ever wondered what would be in "Titanic" if the same was made
in Bollywood?

The name of the movie would be "Goa to Bombay". Well here it goes!

* Madhuri has to be Rose and who else but Shahrukh as JJJJJ JJJ
Jack.Madhuri's fiance would be Gulshan Grover who mutters "bad man"
everytime he sees Shahrukh.

* Amitabh Bacchan would make a guest appearance as the Ship's captain
and would be waltzing with Madhuri during the party. Of course, he would
not die.

* Shahrukh will be travelling with his sister and 5 other chamchas from
college plus 50 extras who are well trained with every dance sequence in
the world.

* The movie would only last for 7 hours. Thanks to great piece of
editing,there would be only 22 songs in the movie out of 30 in CD album.

* The ship would be overflowing with extras whom you normally find in
movies that have a court scene full of people or a slum full of aam-janta.
The ship will start sinking, not because of the iceberg but because of
excessive on-board population.

* The infamous lovemaking in the back seat of the car would be replaced
with a song in the Swiss Alps.

* Best friend of Shahrukh will save his sister from being raped during
chaos.The sister will instantly fall in love right after this and she will
also get a song or two.

* Remember Rose changing her mind about jumping into the water? In our
case,Madhuri changes her mind, since...since... the ship is moving along a
creek and the water stinks!

* How can we forget the painting scene? Shahrukh would be painting
Madhuri's portrait with Madhuri fully covered minus the locket (Censors
yaar!).
This is to be followed by a dance number, with extras of course, in a
art gallery.

* Shahrukh would eventually find his long lost mom Aasoo Devi on the
ship. Only during the climax would Aasoo Devi tell Shahrukh about how
Gulshan troubled them. Shahrukh would then yell, "Kutte mein tera khoon
peejaaoonga". The ensuing fight would only last for an hour.

* There would be an antakshari for the "drowners" conducted by Annu
Kapoor instead of the trio playing the violin.

* Most important!! The number of times the word "Bachaoooo"
would be yelled would be a record in the history of cinema.And the
masterpiece would be waste of time...ooops waste of money without...

* "Raaaabert...Captain se ja ke kaho ke agar apni maa or bahen ko zinda
dekhnachahte ho to naav ko Hindustaan kee sarhado se hamesha hamesha ke
liye bahoootdoor le le."

abhisays
17-07-2012, 09:08 AM
SRK, Rajini and Chiranjeevi at Cricket Match

Chiranjeevi
Cheeru, the batsman needs to score 10 runs of 1 ball….....
Bowler bowls it and Cheeru hits with tremendous power…...the ball goes far away and UMPIRES are forced to give 12 runs for that.
Cheeru WINS the match….... .....


Shahrukh
Shahrukh, the batsman needs to score 10 runs of 1 ball….....
Bowler bowls it and Shahrukh glides it to 3rd man….....the ball goes to boundary line Shahrukh runs for 3 runs, fielder throws at non-striker it misses the stumps and goes for over-throw, ShahRukh runs again for 3 , this time fielder tactic fully throws at Keepers end, Keeper Misses it goes for a 4 runs. In the background Vande Mathram….
Shahruk WINS the match…....


Rajni
Rajni ,the batsman needs to score 10 runs of 1 ball….....
Bowler bowls it and Rajini hits with tremendous power…....the ball splits into “TWO”
1 half goes to SIX.....The other half goes to FOUR........
Rajini WINS the match….... .........

abhisays
17-07-2012, 01:09 PM
http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=17332&stc=1&d=1342512520

abhisays
17-07-2012, 01:17 PM
http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=17333&stc=1&d=1342512886

ndhebar
31-10-2012, 12:54 PM
http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=19185&stc=1&d=1351670048

ndhebar
31-10-2012, 12:58 PM
http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=19186&stc=1&d=1351670274

shwetamishra
01-11-2012, 06:10 PM
Hello anjaan your jokes are really amazing.....
SANTA:Lalaji dettol soap hai,
Lala:ha,
santa:acha vala hai,
Lala:ha,
Santa: achi quality ka hai,
Lala:ha bhai ha,
Santa: thik hai hath dhokr 1kg aata do..
:giggle:

ndhebar
11-11-2012, 02:02 PM
http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=19700&stc=1&d=1352628091

anjaan
28-11-2012, 09:45 PM
Love story:

1 ladk 1 ladki ko bahut pyar karta tha, lekin dar ki wajah se kuch kah nahi paya.. 1din usne decide kiya ki wo us ladki ko msg karke bolega usne raat me i love you type karke ladki ke number pe send kiya aur so gaya kuch der bad uske mobile par msg ringtone baja par usne decide kiya ki wo msg agli subeh naha kar mandir jane k bad padhega aur phir so gaya....Raat bhar wo us ladki ka sapna dekhta reha jab subeh mandir se lauta aur wo msg padha to usme likha tha......account balance is insufficent msg can not be sent.main balance is 0.45 paise =)) =)) X_X

:thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:

anjaan
28-11-2012, 09:46 PM
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/A8smcACCIAEeZdC.jpg

anjaan
28-11-2012, 09:46 PM
http://sphotos-d.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/532160_496113197095918_663891943_n.jpg

anjaan
28-11-2012, 09:47 PM
http://sphotos-f.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/224070_493918157296587_248108654_n.jpg

anjaan
28-11-2012, 09:53 PM
http://i.imgur.com/qc901.jpg

anjaan
28-11-2012, 09:53 PM
https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/486277_306708649430064_200521774_n.jpg

anjaan
28-11-2012, 09:53 PM
https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/305666_10151330822266153_1525391354_n.jpg

anjaan
28-11-2012, 09:55 PM
What is the interesting thing
in Tom n Jerry??
.
.
.
. . .
.
.
.
Saale pura din Nange
ghumenge
par jab Nahane jayenge to
Swim
Suit pehan kar jayenge...

anjaan
28-11-2012, 09:55 PM
http://img.tapatalk.com/d/12/11/26/ge5ajege.jpg

anjaan
28-11-2012, 09:57 PM
A woman in hot air balloon realized she is lost. She reduced altitude & shouted to a man below: Xcuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend to meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am.

Man below replied: U r in hot air balloon 30 feet above d ground.U r at 41 deg north latitude & 59 deg west longitude.

Lady:U must be an engineer.

Man:How do u know?

Lady:Everything u told me is technically correct but useless & the fact is I'm still lost.

Engineer:U must be in Top Management.

Lady:Ya.How do u know?

Engineer:U don't know where u r or where you're going. U made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, & u expect people beneath u to solve ur problems. :/

anjaan
28-11-2012, 09:57 PM
http://i.imgur.com/cL97m.jpg

anjaan
28-11-2012, 10:00 PM
http://sphotos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/s480x480/483398_492449080776828_466056773_n.jpg

anjaan
28-11-2012, 10:01 PM
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_me08c2hP8C1ql2603o1_500.png